Warning: There are some girls out there who are quite pretty but they will ask you to take them out to a nice dinner knowing they have no interest in you before they even sit down. I don’t give spare change to bums (because I can’t afford to, not because I’m a jerk) so please don’t take advantage of me for being a lonely person who just wants to find someone special. Such a double standard. I knew that nothing was going to come out of our meeting when she showed up and looked bored and annoyed. But I paid anyway—almost 100 dollars because I am a gentleman and because that is what is expected of me as the man. Let me also just say, in case you are wondering—I am not a bad-looking guy. Attractiveness is subjective but I’m probably a couple notches above “average.” I don’t make a lot of money with my work, though, which makes me ugly as dirt to SOME women. In this instance, she had no way to know what my annual income was. I’m just a person trying to make it in the world like everyone else. I’m respectful of others, even when I’m certain they are using me for a free meal in a nice restaurant. I will go out again and treat another girl to the same date, happily. To some I might just be a meal ticket for the evening but at least I am trying and putting myself out there. And I’m a lot closer to finding someone with substance and meaning than you are, lady. —Know your gender roles
This article appears in Jul 4-10, 2013.
I see two issues here:
1. You paid $100 for the date but nothing for the street critters because you ‘can’t afford to’?
2. You state she showed up with attitude and I’m assuming you already judged the date was going south quick (not the good south either!). Why did you take the traditional route and pay for the date instead of establishing going dutch? The gentleman rules only go so far, especially on a dud.
And I am a believer in the old rules on the whole. But the situation dictates really nowadays, ya lemming! Gender roles indeed. *Harumph*
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‘Know your gender roles’ – no wonder you’re so hard up, OP.
So, what’s a female’s ‘gender role’ anyway? To sit there and look pretty? To laugh at your lame jokes? To bat her foot-long eyelashes at you? Do tell.
Since there’s so many unscrupulous women out there, ready to bilk your bucks, maybe you need a mail-order bride.
OP definitely made a poor choice spending that much money on somebody he had never actually met before. A better idea is to meet for coffee or something low-key so that both people can assess one another with zero pressure. A first meeting is not a date.
However, it is interesting to hear the female responses thus far on the board. OP was the asshole here for paying for the meal? Surely, when she realized that she had no interest in the guy – she could have paid for herself?
Here’s how it goes – women want a chivalrous dude who is a gentleman. The kind of guy that offers to open doors for people and pay for things. If you disagree consider the alternative – imagine a guy who suggests going dutch. You think that he’s cheap and in turn, he feels like he is not fulfilling his role or that he is not being a man.
There is a double standard these days. A lot of the time equality is really only desired if it works for the woman in a given situation.
After reading this, the word DOORMAT came to mind.
I agree with Hoist – make a coffee date or some other inexpensive option (there are lots). If she balks at that and demands dinner, you know what you’re dealing with and you can cut and run.
WHAT ATTRACTS WOMEN TO MEN, OR: TOYNBEE’S THEORY OF CHALLENGE & RESPONSE APPLIED TO DATING
“There are some girls out there who are quite pretty but they will ask you to take them out to a nice dinner knowing that they have no interest in you before they even sit down.” Know Your Gender Roles
Clearly, the poster is faced with a challenge. He knows that the pretty girl has no interest in him even though he has taken her out to a nice dinner. He can do the “right thing,” pay his $100 and say goodnight or he can respond constructively to the challenge. He can attempt to change her mind. How will he do this? Reflection is required.
The poster has indicated both that she doesn’t know what his annual salary is and that he is a couple of notches above average in looks, so the challenge is not simply material. It is mental. How will he proceed? A page might be taken from the philosopher of history Arnold Toynbee’s magisterial six-volume “A Study of History” in which he articulated his theory of “Challenge and Response.”
According to Toynbee all civilizations in history either succeeded or failed depending upon their response to a challenge. Initially the challenge was from the environment. In some cases the challenge was too severe – the frozen arctic wastes, the desert sands, and so on- while in others the challenge was too easy – the low-hanging fruit of Polynesia and so on – but the result was the same. Challenges which were either too difficult or too easy resulted in an “arrested civilization,” one which did not progress beyond its initial stage.
Other civilizations however responded successfully to the challenge from the environment with the result that the challenge shifted from without to challenges from within. These challenges demanded responses at the social level, that is, responses to the entire gamut of collective problems usually brought under categories such as politics, economics, philosophy and so on. While successful responses to those challenges have never been completely met, those civilizations which achieved even partial success moved forward to the point where the predominant challenge arose at the level of the individual. How was he to respond successfully to those challenges at the inter-personal level? Here we encounter the poster. Employing Toynbee’s theory, how was he to respond to the challenge of the pretty girl who knew that she had no interest in him even before she sat down?
The answer is simple. He must reverse the challenge-response algorithm such that the burden of the response falls on her shoulders rather than his. After the poster has briefly outlined Toynbee’s theory of challenge and response as given above to illustrate the quality of his mind, the pretty girl will come to realize that the poster possesses the requisite high-quality DNA which will bestow similar qualities on her ova should they be fertilized by “Know Your Gender Roles.” She will come to realize that it is not he but rather her who must successfully respond to the challenge if her offspring are to be suitably endowed with superior intelligence. But she also knows that her response must be in harmony with the challenge – not too feeble yet not too over eager – so that, after the relevant physical exertions have been performed, they both can move forward to new and more fruitful levels of being, new and more fruitful challenges.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Perhaps you’re just an average dude attracted to ladies who aren’t looking for average. Problematic. Listen to Hoist, make the first date a cheapie. You test drive a nice-looking car before buying, right?
You’re also a bit contradictary, saying some women think your income makes you as ugly as dirt but at the same time this woman didn’t know your income which, if anything, would say the problem is you. Which I’m sure you didn’t mean.
“Know your Gender Roles”? Way to torpedo your whole bitch and sound like a desperate bitter man. Just chill out and enjoy some coffee and conversation.
I really thought you were a nice guy, OB, until you signed it “Know your gender roles”.
tl;dr squawkity squawk squawk.
Dating sucks, love sucks, give up and get a cat.
They will be forever grateful.
http://mynoisyneighbors.files.wordpress.co…
@Naveed I was tipped off before that with the “SOME women” comment. I was like “theeere’s yer problem” nodding like a mechanic over a car.
Fuck you “Know your gender roles” OB. Know that you’re a bitter old man that’s gonna die alone.
Ummmm, parts of this bitch are valid …. like the use of commas where warranted and the parentheses are an added touch but the substance is shit……..
What “nice girl” asks a guy to take them out to dinner? If someone (male or female) suggested “we” go out to dinner and it was a first “meeting” then we would pay our own bill at the end of the evening.
This has nothing to do with “gender roles” …. whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean.
Yeah… I read this shit and thank god I fuck guys!
First: “I knew that nothing was going to come out of our meeting when she showed up and looked bored and annoyed. But I paid anyway—almost 100 dollars because I am a gentleman and because that is what is expected of me as the man. “
Second: “I will go out again and treat another girl to the same date, happily.”
You sound like a dumbass.
In other words, you’re a modern man who is dating modern women in the modern world. Why should you pay her bill as though you’re living in the 1950s? A lot of women I know would be offended by a man who felt it necessary to pay the bill for both parties, as though women are too weak and feeble-minded to pay their own way through life.
Wow op. Fuck you right to hell. Did it ever occur to you that being a sexist fuckbucket spouting about “knowing your gender role” is not only why you end up paying for dinner but likely also why she decided after dinner that she couldn’t stomach being around you one second longer?
That is sanctimonious and self-aggrandizing in the extreme. Your fake humility has no power here dude, I know exactly what this humbly worded manipulation bitch is trying to do.
Or maybe you’re not stuck in 1934. Maybe you think you CAN’T get a girl unless you dump money on her. And so you do and attract exactly the quality of girl you are asking for.
Everything about this is just so incorrect and nasty. You deserve what you’re getting.
Grow up.
and another thing op. What gives you the right to call these women stupid? If you’re constantly getting duped by women, (some who you admit duped you TWICE) who, exactly, is the stupid one here?
Is that why YOU have a cat, Zed?
No, it wasn’t even my idea TO get a cat…
but he sure helps.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/f811fe5e6b69ab3e000ed5bae7363ba4/tumblr_mk906bNMBZ1s8mgkyo1_400.gif
If I go out for a meal with a guy,I don’t care if he’s made of money,if I only have enough for a cheese burger off the $menu; guess what Warren Buffet,that’s where we’re going.
Fuck that, IF I go out for a meal,drink with a guy I pay for my own; I leave with pride in tacked and knowing I don’t owe him sex.
Smarten the hell up females.There’s a word to describe a woman(man) who does that..”hooker”.
OP You smarten the fuck up too.Stop being a chump.
I don’t even know where to start with this one but here goes…OP..did you perhaps start the date by rambling on and on about paying for the meal and how she should be glad you are a gentleman? Something tells me it may have gone that way. There are a whole niche of guys out there who claim to be gentlemen, but really, you just use the claim of being a gentleman to try to garner some sort of praise and make yourself feel superior. Thus the signing of your post the way you did.
I’ve been on quite a few dates with people I have never met and less than 5% of those would have been out for dinner. 1-I don’t want to commit to sitting with someone for that long that may not be as interesting in person and 2- they may be misrepresenting who they are period.
Here’s the thing. You are not, in fact, a gentleman if you feel the need to tell everyone you meet that you are a gentleman. That makes you a douchetard in gentleman’s clothing.
Pbbbfffftttt!!!!! On mine and my wife’s first date, I made her cook me supper at her place, so I could judge her cooking skills. Then, an after supper inspection of her cleaning skills was done, right after I went through her medicine cabinet and a did a background/credit check. Bitches need to know that guys don’t want no broke-ass slob that can’t cook.
Op, take her out one more time, but this time stick her with the bill.
I’ve been on a few coffee dates in the past few months, out of 6 coffee dates I allowed one guy to pay for my double double sweetener,at a cost of $1.73.I ain’t a cheap date, all that afforded him was one lick.For him it was hardly worth the bridge fare to Woodside….. lol
RSVP
: Benny (07/11, 9:25AM)
“tl:dr squawkity squawk squawk” is not a reply, you buffoon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
OB, you paid $100 for a first time meeting? Meaty would have taken you for a dragon boat ride around the block for a shared appetizer and a Cosmpolitan.
RFLMAO SHITD sounds like my kinda first date. No, but seriously, OP is def a push over but I have met girls like this before and they are the fembot equivilant to everything you women hate about men. Also MM, interesting read with your first post.
I think, to sum up, we can just all agree that internet dating is crap?
Hoist I whole heartedly agree with you,internet dating is crap.Shit,dating is crap.
I’m pretty sure that when OP said “know your gender roles”, he was implying that she, the date, was expecting him to play the gender role of the payer. If “know your gender roles” is a bad thing to say then they are both guilty, as it doesn’t sound like she offered to pay 50 percent. OP could also have meant it in sattire to further illustrate the one sidedness he felt he was experiencing. The way he should have written it then should have been [know your gender “roles”] if he meant it as sattire.
wHen you make the same stupid decisoins with men i can seE how you would think dating is crap.take personal responsibilit y for you r actoins .
Really? Because i read “know your gender roles” as “guys pay out so girls will put out. Everybody knows that so what the fuck is wrong with you, bitch?” As in if he pays, he’s owed, at the VERY least, a second date.
That’s what i read.
But lets just for a moment consider that there are some people out there who agree to dinner dates for no other reason than a free meal.
http://cdn6.mixrmedia.com/wp-uploads/girlybubble/blog/2010/01/breakfastatiffanys2.jpg
Acording to the Spring edition of Harvard law review a dinner of not less than $100.00 is worth a sympathy suck at least, even if you do resemble a puke faced gargoyle. Just be glad you don’t rent an apartment from this slumlord sloot.
Dinner dates on a first date, especially someone you’ve never met are something I would advise against. Try lunch, or a walk in the park, or coffee, or ice cream or drinks, maybe some appitizers.
Brunch maybe, but dinner dates are a bad idea for a first date, and not just for the reasons OP mentions.
Really? Because i read “know your gender roles” as “guys pay out so girls will put out. Everybody knows that so what the fuck is wrong with you, bitch?”
lol you tend to read whatever you want to read crayons.
It’s one thing not to “put out” but to sit there clearly showing no interest in someone and then not offering to pay for your food is not classy. That being said if someone offers me free shit I’ll take it, and not feel obligated to perform any favors for the person, I don’t blame someone for taking advantage of someone who is basically begging to be taken advantage of. OP needs to get some common sense and a backbone, and maybe realize that if someone’s going to like him it will be because they like HIM, not his money.
I noticed OP says SHE asked HIM to take her out for dinner, instead of just asking him to go out for dinner. This was her way of making it clear to him that he was footing the bill. This should have been the first red flag. Hopefully, OP has learned a valuable ($100 to be exact) lesson.
I read it the same way Daniel did, I didn’t find that saying ‘know your gender roles’ was an attack on either gender but kind of sarcastic. Nowhere does the OP say that he expected anything from his date other than maybe good company and common courtesy.
“Neither side can win the battle of the sexes, there’s too much fraternization.” – Gas station billboard I read on Quinpool a few months ago.