Dear sad sack, So you wuz creepin’ me on facebook, keep writing me notes n shit, askin’ “Do I remember you”? Yet, you ain’t add me as a friend, for some reason… even when I send you a friend request to see who da fuck you are. You got 3 photos of you in a pair of shades holdin onto a kid that’s never smiling and there’s a lotta commentary about your baby mama drama and how you ain’t allowed to see your your son. You keep emailing me, so I ask you “When we goin’ out on dis date? Your response. “How about a coffee sometime? Do you live alone?” You know what that response tells me about you? That you’re ONE cheap muthafucking BUM only willing to put up $2.00 on a date, thinkin’ you’re bout to get up in my crib for some a this fine bootie? Really? Boy you need to go on. You can’t handle your shit now. Can’t even afford to take a lady for a decent drink or a meal. Fuck off with your double-double. Go on and do society a favor, stick your dick into a light socket and sterilize yourself bitch. —Ain’t no Down Low Ho
This article appears in Jan 9-15, 2014.
Poor No Fool – her love life’s been all downhill since the Cole Harbour High School prom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIYH97q1zZ4
So OP, you would go on a date with a guy who randomly contacted you on facebook and asked if you live alone so long as he paid for your dinner?
I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
Was this written by Da Ali G? Obviously written by someone who attended Nelson Mandela High and studied Afro-centric writing.
This is what happens when you live in Welfare Housing, fall out of a huge stroller and bash your melon, as you’re on the 52.
$2.00 and 20 minutes can reveal all that one needs to know to say let’s keep moving or I’ve had enough.
Ah so nice to see Ebonics is alive and well.
Jesus fuck, for someone who survives off of mini-pizzas and sanpelligrino, you’re an awfully uppity bitch when it comes to standards. You would think an hour away from your 13 kids, a triple triple and maybe back to his place for some fishsticks and a little anal would be right up your alley.
Do you do “Ass to Mouth” OP? If you do I would go the extra mile and buy you a doughnut to go with that double double. I’m good like that see.
Is this Bennington’s new ad campaign??? I could have done better with a pencil clenched in my sphincter! Gah! Prunes!
Yours Unruly, Madison Avenue’s Former Golden Boy, Benton Battbarton, age 127
Ladies buy your own coffee when asked out on a coffee date.
This is such a fake bitch!
This is REALTALK. Yeah I enjoy a nice pelligrino bubbly water with a side of fish sticks (made from da REAL haddock, not “minced fish pieces”) dipped in da REAL Heinz ketchup. And WHAT? Don’t be jelly cuz I got mad FLAVA. I don’t think my standards be too uppity to expect a “man” to take me out on a nice date insteada acting sketchy as hail on da latenight facebook. Coffee is not a date. Coffee is a mornin drink. Who wanna go to Tim hortons for coffee and a bun on a date?? You be sittin dere in dem hard chairs, bright ass flouescent lights across from some cheap ass fool countin da blackheads on his nose. Not only is it cheap, it’s lazy – putting no effort forth thinkin you bought to roll up on dis!? Yeah I do live alone bitch and my crib is tiiight but dat ain NUNYA BIDNESS. Oh hail no, FOOL!
GENDER AMBIGUITY
“Go on and do society a favor, stick your dick into a light socket and sterilize yourself bitch.” Ain’t no Down Low Ho
I must say I found this bitch to be perfectly comprehensible, at least at the outset. It was a case of a female complaining to a male friend about his frugal restaurant behaviour. However, the last word of the bitch indicated that the addressee was not male but rather female. In other words, I found the bitch to be ambiguous in respect to gender. Thank you.
New Avatar Alert!
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I fear the OB misunderstands the term “downlow”.
Down-low is an African American slang term that refers to a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have sex with men; some avoid sharing this information even if they have female sexual partner(s).
You sound like a catch yourself there OP.
@ No fool
‘real talk’*
the*
the*
jealous*
because*
flavour*
that my standards are*
instead of*
hell*
the*
late night*
morning*
wants to*
are sitting*
there*
those*
counting*
the*
thinking*
about to* (?)
this*
that*
ain’t*
none of your*
business*
hell*
-Finding a man who is going to both a) pay for your dinner and b) take you any kind of seriously…might not be possible for you. At this point, if some creepy fucker on the internet is willing to spend $2.00 on you, I think you should just count your blessings. Don’t be so picky – he obviously isn’t.
“Ladies buy your own coffee when asked out on a coffee date.”
report 6 likes, 8 dislikes
Posted by WHATACROCK on 01/12/2014 at 7:10 PM
Eight dislikes? Most men bitch about always having to pay for the date .
Women complain about men who feel they’re “owed” sex in return for the meal and drinks.
So I suggested a couple meet for coffee to get past the introductions.
You actually acknowledge the ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’???? Pfffftttt on that shit.