I understand that you love your children, and believe they are the “greatest gift anyone can receive”. Good for you. I hope you have a healthy and easy pregnancy, and a healthy child to add to your growing family.
But can you PLEASE stop suggesting I get pregnant too? You have been my friend for several years, and although I have told you multiple times that I do not want children, you keep suggesting I will change my mind.
I love your kids, I will be there for them, and if God forbid something happens, I will be the first person to step up to take care of them for you, but I DO NOT WANT MY OWN!
Why is this so hard for people to understand? Why is there something wrong with ME just because I don’t want children? Why does everyone think I will change my mind?
Between the insanity of our society, the ongoing world crises, the worry that I will parent the way my parents did, and the fact that I want to live my own life unhampered by the responsibility of trying to raise a decent human being, I’m not interested in being a mother.
Can you just respect that this decision did not come lightly and just leave me ALONE about it already!?
—No “Womb With A View” here…
This article appears in Oct 1-7, 2009.
Tell your friend that if you have your own kids, you won’t have the time and money to spend on hers, so she will be on her own after that. That should give her pause.
Not everyone chooses to procreate and you are not alone OP. I know a few women who are childless by choice with no regrets. I’ve known others with zero maternal skills who should have remained childless but didn’t. I applaud the former.
It’s amazing how many people ask me “when are you having kids”, just because I’ve been married for a couple years. I especially appreciated getting that question just after I had a miscarriage earlier this year.
I don’t think it’s ever appropriate to suggest someone SHOULD want children, or ask them WHEN they’re going to have them. Maybe they’ve been trying for a long time with no success. Maybe they’ve just lost a baby. Maybe they don’t want kids. Maybe…
Raising good kids is fucking hard work and don’t let anyone tell you it’s not. I totally respect your decision and wish more people would think about the responsibilty and sacrifice involved in bringing children in the world. Tell your friend you’d rather have your tits pecked by a flock of irate woodpeckers than try to deliver a watermelon through an opening the size of an orange.
I would just like to say thank-you to all the people posting on this and the original poster – it’s a relief to know that there are more people out there who feel the same way I do.
Peace,
Your welcome bean.
Sometimes people need to be told “None of your business!” once in a while to remind them that in spite of their need to not be alone in their child-raising world this sort of thing just doesn’t work for everyone.
The poster took the words out of my mouth, sentence for sentence. I am sick of the comments and questions so much, that I have gotten into arguments at times with people over it. As recently as just days ago, friends of mine with kids have told me that they regret it. I know AHEAD of time I would regret it, for the exact same reasons that the poster said. So to go ahead and have them to please these stupid idiot friends who want me to have them…screw off. I’m not patient with the topic anymore. I was for long time, and explained my reasons, but the truth is, it’s nobody’s business. Never wanted them, never will – luckily have lived with a guy for four years now who feels the same. We consider ourselves lucky and plan to stay that way. (snip snip) LOL
I get this same lifestyle pressure from family and friends over my decision to be celibate. They’re always trying to set me up with men, saying things like ‘you need to get laid’ and ‘you’ll regret it when you are old and alone. I wasn’t planning to go almost a decade = ), but my reasons for making this decision, in the first place, have not changed. Really, why does it bother people so much?
I don’t think anyone should have a baby unless they want one, one more unwanted child in the world does not make it a better place
a baby > panhandler, susan.
My wife and I have been married over a year now and are well into our 30’s. She has a 12 year old from her previous marriage, who I have recently legally adopted because I love him as my own and the paternal dad is MIA for the most part. After we married I decided to get a vasectomy for 2 reasons. First, we didn’t want to raise kids into our 50’s and secondly, we’re having too good of a time spending time together rather than having to focus our attention on a newborn 24-7. The point is, our reasons were selfish, but at least we didn’t have more kids for the wrong reasons. OP, just tell people to fuck off when they ask if you’re having kids. Your reasons are the only ones that count.
Glad to know not everyone thinks I am a selfish sack of crap because I have no desire to have kids…
I think my decision is partly selfish (wanting to have freedom), but mostly not selfish – I have no desire to have kids I resent, I grew up that way, and don’t think it’s fair to do that to someone who never asked to be brought into the world.
I’m just sick of the whole “but we can raise our babies together, won’t that be fun”? crap I get from my friend…
I too have to put up with this “when are you having kids? oh, you’ll want them someday” BULLSHIT!! The worst part is, it’s not even from my friends and family. They all know I have NO desire to EVER have children and they accept that fact. It’s from co-workers and complete fucking strangers that I get this nonsense! I’m just shy of 30 for fuck sakes! If I don’t want kids now, I’m certainly not going to want them in a few years! It pisses me off to no end to have people going on and on and on and on about how great having kids is, how my life will never be complete without them, what a blessing they are, how I’ll regret it when I get older, blah blah fucking blah. I don’t want kids. My life choices differ from yours. DEAL WITH IT!! Once you become a parent, your life is no longer about you. Your life is about providing for that child and making sure that they have what they need. I don’t want my life to be about someone else. I want my life to be about me. You can call it selfish if you want, but it’s my life and I’ll do what I want with it.
And has anyone else noticed how it’s only people with kids that will try to convince you that you should have children? It’s never the people who don’t have kids yet, but want to. It’s just the people who are already parents who try to convince you that your lifestyle choice is wrong.
some people shouldn’t have small humans to care for when they can’t even look after a dog…might i suggest they start with a wharf rat and see how that goes
I love this bitch! It’s exactly what I’m going through! I just got married and all I hear is “Congratulations! Are kids on the way?!” Everyone acts like you have to do things in a certain way… like if you don’t have kids you have never lived. All I want is a little respect for my choices.
Good for you OP for knowing what you want and sticking to it. To hell with what everyone else things. I wasn’t sure I wanted kids and was pretty focused on school and a career. Then I found myself pregnant, but I am really glad she’s in my life and I can’t imagine not having her. Still that’s a huge risk to take. And as people mentioned, it’s a lot of work.
OP, tell people to buzz off. I am really shocked at the things people have the nerve to say out loud to people. I am definitely teaching my kid when to mind her own business.
some people were meant to be alone and lonely all their lives. but sometimes human companionship is actually required. so,hfzgurl, did you get yourself a guy yet,you never sent an email on the clampets bitch to me. should i bother to wait, or not?
Ah no guy yet … got me some power tools instead.
and you are so fucked up in the head kid. and i do suck, the right gender. female,you?
HKM, now I know why I love to hate you. I don’t even have to meet you to see you’re a stuck up tight ass with a very large nose who couldn’t get laid with any meaning if her life depended on it. Good compromise! Great coping skill… “my choice.” You’re SO full of shit.
Neverwrong, people who are parents have some EXPERIENCE with child rearing and recommend it. WHY would you ever expect such advise from childless people? If you did you could safely assume they haven’t got a fucking clue what they’re talking about. Step away from the box… you’ve lost the big picture.
Pearl, “if you don’t have kids you have never lived”… actually, if you don’t have kids you’ll never know the unselfish, unconditional love of a child/ for a child and you’ll NEVER experience that same love for ANYBODY. Ever. You can try! Adopting someone else’s child might be a close comparison but not exactly. Some of us would consider that “missing out.”
LS, “sometimes human companionship is actually required”… we’re social creatures. duh!
OP, you’ll have energy enough to keep up with a newborn for a limited period of time. Your friends want you to do it well if you’re going to do it at all. That’s all. A “no thanks, not for me” without preamble followed by a whole bunch of speculative reasoning would be a truthful and appropriate response. Losing your shit because people want good things for you is so… so… what’s the word?… oh yeah… Nova Scotian.
Youre so fucking rude kay. Ripping on HKM had nothing to do with this bitch and there was no need of it. You’re a loser and a bully and you need a fucking life.
Well, if THAT’S not entertainment in a down-home Nova Scotian fashion I don’t know what is. LOL
Sometimes kay beats you to it, bitch.
Have a shitty day! Toodles!
Kay on her anti-Nova Scotia rant again… Surprise surprise surprise.
Nova scotia is too good for you kay. Your pathetic self doesn’t deserve to live here. Your like a child just crying for attention. I wonder what would happened if everyone stopped responding to your posts? You would lose your fucking small mind.
“Have a shitty day! Toodles!”
If I were you Kay and my whole life was spent spitting hatred at people from behind a computer screen, everyday would be a shitty day.
I must have missed this bitch. You know it really is amazing how people attempt to inject themselves into others’ lives with their unsolicited advice. Perhaps they feel that people who choose not to have children are subtly judging them for reproducing, so they feel the need to impress upon them just how inadequate their life is, ignoring the fact that not everyone wants the same things nor has the same requirements from life. Who cares about that really, it’s all about them. I have a friend who is engaged and regularly gets pressure from people she barely knows – ie acquaintances at work – to get a bun in the oven. These clueless morons are busybodies with nothing better to do than play stupid fucking mind games. They don’t really give a shit about the other person’s quality of life being improved, it’s just that people deciding not to have kids makes THEM sad and doesn’t jive with the way THEY were raised. Stop pretending you’re not so F-ing self centered.
Oh, BTW, Kay….making assumptions about the way someone looks whom you’ve never met, and assuming the way someone looks has anything to do with their personality? What are you, 13? You can do better. Oh wait. For someone whose main hobby seems to be complaining about how shitty people here are, you’re a pretty sad excuse for a human being yourself. Oops, I forgot – we made you this way. Wahhhhhh.
“complaining about how shitty people here are”… here? On LTWWB? You don’t say, Rat? Go fuckin’ figure.
There is nothing left to say, you guys covered it all. Thanks = )
(The very large nose part was hilarious though = )
A nose raised in judgment of others casts quite a large shadow
Oh OK then! Makes perfect sense now!
My nose is Gargantuan! You little Pig-snout, you tiny Monkey-Nostrils, you virtually invisible Pekinese-Puss, don’t you realize that a nose like mine is both scepter and orb, a monument to me superiority? A great nose is the banner of a great man, a generous heart, a towering spirit, an expansive soul–such as I unmistakably am, and such as you dare not to dream of being, with your bilious weasel’s eyes and no nose to keep them apart! With your face as lacking in all distinction–as lacking, I say, in interest, as lacking in pride, in imagination, in honesty, in lyricism–in a word, as lacking in nose as that other offensively bland expanse at the opposite end of your cringing spine–which I now remove from my sight by stringent application of my boot!”
– Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac, Act 1
i love the large probiscus…dead sexy…thanks hkm
hfxgurl,i hear you, but nothing beats the real thing, plus the other parts of the biody to use too. but why waste your and my time, if you don’t want to try something fun, then i’ll just find someone who will at least answer an email. your loss kiddo.and you guys try to be nice to kay, she is meaning well, and has her opinion also.
Nowdays people have kids for selfish reasons. Why is it wrong to be selfish to not want to have children? I’d say that’s much better. Too many people have kids that shouldn’t have them.
I hate the way people expect other people to do things they’ve just done just because they’re suddenly happy for it. ie. getting married and expecting everyone else to get married; going to school and expecting everyone else to do the same. My mom wants grandchildren and she wants me to have a child. …uhh… no.