None of us like you

In our apartment house, there is an emergency on-call professional. In our house everybody also owns a car, INCLUDING that on-call professional. We all have to make an effort to share the driveway equally.

And then there’s you. Here you are with TWO fucking cars, one that doesn’t even work, up on its redneck blocks, and you’ve got both in the driveway, making it almost impossible for our neighbour to get where he has to go when his phone goes off. Making it so that another neighbour has to park on the street. Not once have you ever expressed any concern about sharing the space.

Unless it’s you who wants space.

There is a rule here. ONE car per apartment. Why the hell do you have two vehicles in this driveway, you selfish bastards? And, by the way, the same selfish bastards that never unload the washing machine, yet leave bitchy notes for other tenants when they move your nasty underpants so they can use facilities that WE ALL PAY FOR.

Here’s the thing. Get vehicle #2 OUT of the driveway and pick up your goddamn nasty clothes when they’re done or WE WILL MOVE THEM.

SO glad you’re moving next month. Otherwise i’d get the landlord involved. You’re a couple of selfish assholes. When you’re not listening, we talk smack about you. We can’t wait to never see you again. —hydrostone tenant

This article appears in Jun 20-26, 2013.