No Harm No Foul

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News flash: There is physical contact in soccer. At every level. Even in our over 35 league. If that physical contact is considered ‘dangerous play’ (Read FIFA rules), the referee will call it. If you don’t accept this fact you wind up acting like one of the many women in our league who fucking freak out every time there is physical contact, as though some great injustice has been done when they are leaned into or challenged or touched in any way. If the challenge was dangerous, the referee will call it, got it? If you don’t accept this, you run the risk of acting like a five year old, like you did in the game on Sunday when I challenged you and you screamed at me “If you push me, I will push you back!” and shoved me with both hands, full force. Really? Woman over 35? Did you notice how I kept walking after you shoved me and kept playing? The referee didn’t call my challenge and didn’t call you shoving me, and guess what, I didn’t break or fall apart. And the game continues. It happens all the time in this league and it’s worse than diving because the women in my league go completely bonkers when there is the slightest bit of contact, screaming and yelling and being indignant. Ironically, when they perceive the contact to be unacceptable to them (not that they are actually even hurt!), they frequently resort to shoving and name calling. If you are such fucking precious pieces of work, go figure skate and stay the fuck off the soccer pitch. —Play the whistle, for fuck’s sake

This article appears in Aug 27 – Sep 2, 2015.