He was exactly what I always wanted, never what I needed. He was wrong for me and I for him but God damn did it ever feel right. He always possessed some kind of draw an appeal that I’ve never been able to shake. The animal in me was peeked whenever he was near. His scent intoxicatingly lingered on my skin reminding me of the moments we shared and the ones I desperately wish we had. With every touch I was hungry. His skin brushing mine made my heart race with anticipation. My anticipation was usually met with disappointment. He had the control distance and cool detachment I lacked. In spite of this, for brief moments we’d forget and he’d let down his guard. We gave into our animal instincts and succumb to our desires. His fingertips gracing my flesh made me warm, gasping released from my thoughts and morals I took him into me. These moments were amazing, life altering and ground shaking. But that’s all they’ll ever be; moments in time. Because you’ll never really love me. —Always be your friend
This article appears in Mar 10-16, 2011.
so beautiful. so heartbreaking.
This is a really sad love…but OP I’m glad that you’re well aware of the situation. If you enjoyed the physical part without ever having an emotional part then good on you…for not expecting more then what it was. It’s sad because you obviously do have feelings he doesn’t…..and you make it sound pretty amazing.
This sounds like a pg blurb from some fan fiction.
lol I kind of thought the same thing, FA. It sounded rather Twilight-esque to me.
Wow!
I didn’t know Sebastian could write like this!
Bahahahaha
Like that one, Gaz?
This is written about a guy I’ve known for six years, whom at one point I lived with for about five months. It was a two bedroom apartment shared with his brother so he and I shared his room and bed. We started getting close and I thought it would lead somewhere until one night I had another guy over for a night of drinking. He seemed jealous and went out to the back yard with the dog. The next day he started seeing a girl he had said he didn’t find attactive but she was at the house all the time making it easy. Once and awhile he would sleep with me then head over to her house just to hurt me or put me in my place.
Anyway I blew it and he knows how I feel but won’t let me in in another other way but phyiscal. All I wanted was some sort of release.
Thanks and Fuck Twilight!
Ok. So, this guy you had over for a night of drinking — was it just as a “friend” thing, or was it more than that? Because if the guy was just a buddy you were hanging out with, then this guy’s jealousy is totally out of line. And if he’s jealous of this guy, then he’d likely be jealous of ANY guy you hang around with. And if he’s pulling all this shit because of THAT one night… you’re better off. I mean, he’s using some other chick to make you jealous. He sleeps with you then he goes over to her place afterwards to “punish” you and “put you in your place.” That’s not cool, dude. Not cool at ALL.
AND, unless you guys were ACTUALLY dating/together or even exclusive, you are certainly allowed to see other people anyway. He’s acting like you cheated or something (which, ironically HE’S the one cheating because he’s with this other girl and still hooking up with you).
You didn’t fuck anything up, OP. I think you actually dodged a bullet here. Stop sleeping with the guy because he’s using you and you’re nothing but plumbing to him at this point, and you deserve MUCH MUCH better than that.
alwaysafriend, that is so twisted I’m not even going to get into it.
I’ve heard of trying to save on rent…, but the same bed?
you had to know something odd is going to happen to two people who lose every shred of their privacy… without being ‘together’.
See, if you lived in fairview, you’d have a coin toss between that happening, or him stabbing you in the face.
PK…. this chick is not “sleeping” with the guy because they simply want to act out some animal instincts. She is SLEEPING with the guy because that’s where she sleeps as per this bizarre roommate set up.
OP- I think this is just messed up. How the hell could two people expect to share a room and bed and assume things would be normal? I would love to hear a recounting of the conversation behind the agreement to such an arrangement. At this point, since things can’t seemingly get any less normal, lay it all out there. If things don’t work out, I could certainly make do with not having to pay half my share of the rent.
Yeah, but it’s clear they both have feelings for each other. Maybe it’s just proximity because of the odd sleeping arrangements — I’ve been there and it’s easy to get into someone who you’re always with, but just from this douche drizzle’s reaction to OP having a male friend over to drink… he’s irrationally jealous and his heart was irrationally broken and now he’s trying to “punish” her.
Just think about how jealous and controlling the guy would be if they actually had a relationship!
*shrug* (suck it, again, zed)
Such a conspiracy theorist…. LOL. They are both at fault for laying next to each other at the end of every day. And I think the OP said he “seemed” jealous and went out to the backyard with the dog. Who’s to say he even had a jealous reaction? And if they actually had a relationship (which, of course would justify sharing a bed) they would not have the added complications of all the confusion surrounding where they stand.
OP- you had a strange relationship and it’s over. Your feelings for him are surely a product of the fact that you became so close. (in proximity and therefore, emotionally as well) Focus your energy on pursuing something that will actually become meaningful.
you’re making me angry….
you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…..
http://i.annihil.us/u/prod/marvel//univers…
Oh you shush!
I’ll fully agree that they’re both at fault. You make an excellent point there. I’ve certainly put myself in situations with the opposite sex in the past where I ended up hurt and it was my own damn fault, so I understand that it’s not only this guy’s fault.
But when “feelings” are involved, especially those sickening gooey warm fuzzy feelings, people can and will do things they really never thought they would. Love (or lust, whatever) can make a sane person insane, I’m afraid. And you really can’t control who you end up having feelings for. No matter HOW stupid you feel for being into them at all (or how stupid they make YOU feel).
Aren’t you ALWAYS angry, zed?
perpetual frustration with a hint of depression and disdain for all things human does not equal angry
though I can see how you would confuse them….
Take out the “disdain for all things human” and I pretty much know where you’re coming from these days.
Though, some of us tend to do a better job hiding it than others 😉
LOL Z3. I love your Big words 🙂
I agree the whole situation is a combination for trouble that was never going to go anywhere in the first place because no rules were laid out…no one said how they felt, no one made any commitment, no one said exclusive blah blah blah. Jealousy may be a terrible trait but it’s one most of us have.
Exactly. Sometimes it’s hard to make the first move though. I’m grappling with that at the moment and I’m terrified (I wish he would just frigging make the first move, ugh). There’s a lot of self doubt that goes along with it and sometimes it’s easy to pick apart your weaknesses and be an overly harsh critic when you’re contemplating laying it all out to someone you think you may want to care about. Especially if you think they’re wonderful.
So i can certainly understand why nothing was laid out. Sometimes it’s just easier (not smarter, just easier) to make assumptions.
Why is it (almost) always up to the guy to make the first move though? Surely in 21st-century Canada where women are “liberated”, they should be able to make the first move once in a while?
In my case, it has to be the guy because I’m terrified of telling boys how I feel — not just because it’s SUPPOSED to be the guy. Hell, I’m terrified of telling ANYONE how I feel about them.
Can’t get hurt if you don’t let on that you care 😀
can’t win either…
and we all know it’s about winning!
you need some tiger blood… I think I saw some on an infomercial for 3 easy payments of 9.99
Order me some? Then take my 21 going home and pass it along! 🙂
kthx 🙂
I defiantly made the first move with my boyfriend. He was too shy 🙂 hehe
Anyhoo — this post reminded me of someone I once was friends with… mind ya we never shared a bed or anything.. just good friends for a year and he knew I liked him but he felt like he was too old or something. It could’ve been an excuse, who knows..
He was ten years older than I… and it seems pretty fucking bizarre, but I was happy to be friends.
But then we hooked up, it was great… no complications because it was suppose to be a one time only thing pretty much, just doing it for fun… I was fine with that… but then when he was with his girlfriend he wanted me while she was away… then felt bad and canceled and we stopped talk after that.
Last time I saw him, he didn’t even look at me let alone say hi or anything.
I’m more sad that I lost a good friendship… but shit happens 🙂
oh la di ob la da
Who’s this winning thing directed at? Cause if it’s me…once again.. I don’t get it. I know the infomercials all mine though 🙂
It was me, RC, I’m pretty sure.
http://www.tattooculture.info/charlie-shee…
I’m in sheen’s corner.
You’re a tool Z 🙂 . I bet you signed up for twitter just to watch the meltdown from front row seats eh. I’m sick of hearing about him already…I think it’s kind of sad…he really is going crazy.
I’m sorry, RC, I’m kind of with zed on this one.
The warlock comment pretty much sealed the deal for me.
I think Charlie’s just trolling everybody, really. He goes and does/says a bunch of batshit crazy stuff, gets fired from Two and a Half Men, then lays low for a while (6 months, a year, maybe more) and everybody will have forgotten all about this.
I watched him on dateline and he really seemed crazy…or on something. I guess I just don’t find it entertaining…I’m sure it is. It’s like Jerry Springer and all those reality shows (except for Big Brother)…I just don’t enjoy watching them very much. I can’t even watch cops cause I feel bad. 🙁
But have at’er all of you…I’m just poking fun with Z.
For the record, I’m kind of tired of hearing about him too. That’s why I have a lovely Chrome extension (also available for Firefox) called Charlie Sheen blocker (or something to that effect). They also make one for JB.
I have to listen to the Beiber … my 4 year old loves the Oh Baby song.
>.<
it’s obvious he’s batchit crazy….
hell, he may try to sue me just for mentioning it on here.
🙂
it’s good they gave him his own channel tho, now you can avoid him more easily if you’re not into watching someone slowly go postal.