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Why in the hell , at the worst times , do I Fart? Like shaking someones hand when meeting them , I fart. And they smell bad . Anyone else do that , always farting ? Soon as drop my change in the bus fare box – yep – a fart . And really loud ones that last 30 seconds . Do I have an allergy?
—My bum hurts
This article appears in Jan 7-13, 2010.
58 Comments
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lol nice posted
My farts, my farts, my farts, my farts,
My farts, my farts, my farts, my farts, my farts, my farts,
My lovely sweaty farts (farts)
My lovely sweaty farts (farts)
My lovely sweaty farts (farts)
In the back and in the front (farts)
My stench got you….
(Apologies to Fergie and the BEPs)
Go take a dump?
Could be certain things in your diet.
Be careful of junk foods, esp. too much sugar, and also certain gassy vegetables like chick peas.
Must suck not having any control over your bodily functions. Try holding it for a few minutes maybe ?
LMAO @ TTFN…. I am sitting here singing that song out loud!
As I was reading this at my desk, I heard someone talking about natural gas in their office. Made me chuckle.
You might use a threaded butt plug but be aware of the dangers: 1) you may implode due to methane build-up or 2) said fart could propel you through a wall or window a la Wile E. Coyote.
Light a match.
i just sat with my platonic girlfriend (unfortunately; 28 years old and easily an 8)day time barkeep at boston pizza and farted at least 10 times in a hour and halve; some how i got away with it;but damn it’s annoying and embarassing!
It’s usually caused when you are missing a specific enzyme in your digestive system…the only thing that seems to work for me is either taking one of my roomates digestive assistance pills (have a bunch of different enzymes in the pill essentially, you can get them at healthfood stores though they can be pricey) or avoiding certain foods. Just keep track of your diet for a week or two and make a note of what you ate on your more…productive days. 😉
Also…if it’s just general all around bad diet, be careful you could be ontrack to developing fissures and then a fistula due to other bum related issues associated with eating poorly. NO FUN TRUST ME!
sounds to me like yo might be full of shit,either that or your man’s gizem in still in there.either way,it’stoo bad that you can’t hold your cheeks tighter together,like i was,reading your post.
This happens to me all the time too! I’m always farting. I hate when I fart when there’s no one around, and as soon as I do, someone comes up right beside me.
It’s so weird when girls get pussy farts. Huge bone-killer, ladies, FYI!
so sorry q…sometimes its weird being us, i’m sure your bone will survive
haha I love farts – blowing them and laughing at them haha !!!! Q – thems called QUIFFS LOL
I agree with the digestive enzyme deficiency thing — I have to take digestive enzymes with pretty much everything I eat. I also take special vitamins and fibre supplements that help metabolize fats and carbohydrates. You can actually get the digestive enzymes at the grocery store in the pharmacy section with the other vitamins. They’re about $10 a bottle?
Do you eat a lot of whole grains and complex carbs? I have a VERY hard time digesting whole grains and complex carbs to the point where I can’t even eat most complex carbs. Whole grain bread kills me. So do carrots, tomatoes, grapes, any sort of pepper, any sort of bran, dairy (except cheese) and *sometimes* berries.
Maybe take a look at your diet and try some changes to see if the gassiness goes away? It took me years to figure out all that stuff was fucking up my digestive system and while I love most of the stuff on that list, my entire system feels A LOT better when I don’t eat it.
All this talk is making me wanna go outside – find a crowded place and just let my wind go free !!! Farts are absolutely the funniest thing to laugh at !!!!
Farts are kind of like a poor man’s dump. Having a huge dump feels great, but a huge fart feels *almost* as great.
they turn me on paingirl,when are we gonna meet,i love your warped mind.
Oh PK! Sounds like you have it worse than I do…it also took me years to get things mapped out and then a few more to stop ignoring the truth (still trying lol).
A good long fart is like smoking the finest hash from packistan .
how about some 25 year old lebonese blonde hash,hog.buddy had some stashed for that long.knock you right off you feet with a couple tokes.
yea forsure LS – also green orrocan is awesome !!! I’ll have to settle with the black hash in calgary till i can make mtl on the way home haha !!
now your talkin sucks
Nice, paingirl! Come on LIFE SUCKS, go for it.
Who needs The Coast’s new personals site when we have LTWWB to hook up?
It would suck pretty bad if you were allergic to social situations and the allergy manifested itself in terrible gas. You’d be totally screwed.
whatever happened to those big weekend hash parties from the 80’s,shit they were awesome.why the fuck do we have age and get fucking boring.i had some black afghani last year,and smelled like lit up dog shit would,it was fucking gross.and yes q,they should legalize that and weed,what the fuck does it really hurt.good for munchy time,and doing the fast sack dance.btw,i don’t need it for that myself.and a new site might be,”LOVE THE WAY WE HITCH,UP”.
LS I still with my friends for the last atleast 25 years been smoking pot and doing the hash and pot parties ! It’s not about growing up LS – its just the ones that look down on us potheads telling us to grow up are the ones that try to fuck it . Me I couldn’t care less what anyone said about it , or says about it – them parties are alive and kicking these days !!!! Damn yea love the way we hitch would be awesome !!!!
how about that one,andy?andy,andy,andy,wake up man.
Cogito, ergo sum. I stink, therefore I am.
Know why they make farts stink? So that deaf people can enjoy them too !!!!
Butt Belches – the pungent equal opportunity offender.
Nice one TTFN !!!
We need technological advancements to harness these resources. It could go a long way toward solving the energy crisis and ‘climate change’.
All hail the brown revolution.
Simple invention would a hose from your ass to a methane fuel car haha
With the advancements in nanotechnology, there must be a machine that can directly attach to your sphincter, sniff out the methane, and send a carbon credit to Al Gore.
Imagine that. A self-sanctified ecologist with a last name Gore.
You gotta love the irony in that.
Not all farts smell! True story.
At least not to humans.
haha man I cranked a fart that shock the truck and was waiting for the stink – nope – nadda !!! LOL . But i did get the satisfaction of my crew doing the usual ” oh man – fuckin asshole ” and try to get the windows down fast. Farts are natures funniest joke !!!
You should try watching what you eat.
I suggest much more chilli & beer, the best is 3 bean chilli with meat & draft beer. You’ll be ‘sweet’ the next day 😉
the best ones are ” silent but deadly”
Maybe its nerves?
what a retarded website. you guys are idiots
haze-“what a retarded website.you guy’s are idiots”
I love the irony of someone who believes the websites retarded & the posters here are “IDIOTS” & then they post .
L M F A O & G F B !
they’re too busy joining justin beiber is the next king of pop fan site! you know imprtant shit like that
Yea nice one haze – obviously your just as retarded to post here !! Do you feel better now ? lol yep – he/shes probably joining the britney spears fan site right now – where all the “real smart – real world ” people are !!!
Oh …SNAP ! ! ! !
No one told me I suppose to join the Britney spears fan club !
I could have been hanging where all the ‘real’ people are !
not one of you told me until today :'(
LOL!!!!!
Dazed: Begone intellectual chattel!
I’m actually surprised that a bitch about farts made it to 50 comments.
Dr. Fever, I think it has something to do with no new Bitches being posted for the past two days – come on, Andy!
And the fact that fart jokes are universally regarded as being funny as.
for me, it’s the veggies…. I stay way so as not to involuntarily and periodically partially levitate. that and anything carbonated… which makes sense, I suppose.
zZz I’ve read in several places papers on how the large quantity of cattle & dairy herds are polluting the atmosphere with huge amounts of methane…& these animals are vegetarian, so it may be a valid point.
one thing i know. sugar sugar sugar makes gas no sugar=no gas. and as for “sweetening the gas?” so it doesnt stink? ginger!powdered ginger capsules. Also drink lots of mint tea. People who are loading in low fibre cheesey garbage and sugar are going to have stinky farts. Cut sugar, and add acidophillus,( which is the bacteria that they use to ferment milk to make yogurt,) and that will help. A normal doctor will never tel,you this stuff. but: its gotta be-1 clean out by taking some sort of colon cleansing product even psyllium, drink clear clean water and herbal tea, lots of it, 2: kill the bad guys, maybe by a candida cleanse, like with grapefruit seed extract, (caprylic acid) and3: replace the bad bacteria with good bacteria,( ACIDOPHILLUS) The good bacteria in the colon will make it too healthy an atmosphere for the bad guys. farts only stink sometimes, when you’ve got too much bad stuff in there…if youre really gassy stop drinking coffee and stop sugar and be amazed!!
since sugar prices are going to be on the (steep) rise (think more than tequila a few years ago), I would say that would also be better for the pocketbook as well.
and More, I’ve been hearing that since I was in high school… cow farts plaguing our environment. damn things.. guess we’ll just have to eat ’em all….
It is true what they say about too much sugar. It can cause all kinds of problems.
Sugar is “hidden” in a lot of processed and convenience foods. It’s one of the reasons those foods cause so many problems.
If you start to replace healthier foods with the snack foods, this problem could be reduced.
Beware the chickpea, however. Even some of the healthiest foods can still be gassy foods, so you have to find what works for you.
zZz I am doing my part, I’ve been looking into the so called cave man diet. These people believe we need to go back to how it was with fasting and then feasting, on mostly meat, along with lots of walking exercise etc. doing things like early man did… I’m hoping Bar-B-Q sauce is ok ~;)