Stop walking right in front of my feet whenever I’m going down the stairs! You do it on purpose too! Whenever you hear me heading towards the staircase you walk down the stairs alongside me and every couple of steps you get right in front of my feet on the next step! I have to either step on you (which is starting to sound like a good idea) or stumble and risk losing my balance. Once I regain my balance, three steps later you do it again! Last time I nearly broke my neck because I couldn’t see you under the laundry basket I was carrying. Is my cat the only cat that does this? —Fuck You, Cat
This article appears in Mar 25-31, 2010.
By like that tourette’s guy on Youtube and yell at your cat….It will run away.
Works on Youtube 🙂
no. my roommate’s cat does this as well but not on stairs. it just darts across hallways and dares you to step on it. step on it. despite their abundance of lives, cats must be made aware of their mortality when foot meets ass.
nothing painful or mean. just something to make the cat think that every idea that pops into it’s head may not be in it’s best interest.
i’m a ‘wary while carrying carefully folded laundry down the hallway’ coaster.
haha, yes one of my cats does this and unfortunately he is the one who gets stepped on the most. the other manages to remain light on his feet
My male cat does this — usually in the kitchen. He darts in front of your feet and you end up tripping over him.
He’s a sweet guy — sweet beyond belief (he’s more like a dog than a cat, really — he’s actually bigger than some small dogs ffs) so I doubt he’s trying to kill me. He just loves rubbing against people’s legs.
I see your cat doesn’t have you trained yet.
My best bud has an energetic ginger pussy who loves to ankle weave – he’s probably laughing his hairy cat ass off thinking how fucking clumsy humans are.
my old brothers have completely different personalities. one does behave like a dog but the other is needier and he ends up underfoot
it’s a cat thing, they all do it. even my two little black monsters, that i would kill to protect.
HAHAHA, it’s true TTFN. Cats are really graceful animals, and it always amazes me how my two can end up on top of the kitchen cabinets, weave around the plants and stuff up there and not move a thing.
Though the male cat is dumb as fuck and often thinks the best way to get to my window is to go THROUGH my blinds not AROUND. He’ll give up and get his head stuck and all you’ll see is his huge head hanging out and you have to get him out. He doesn’t “meow”, he actually “sings” so he’ll just sit there and sing you a song until you go over and get his head loose.
Fuck that cat’s dumb. Sweet and dumb. And huge. Frig I love that cat.
Twist its skinny neck !
Why is it in your house in the first place ?
You got a mouse or rat problem ?
I could see it if you could train them to do dishes, if they didn’t shed, fill a box with piss & shit & your home with the stench of it.
I could even sort of understand it if they were like a guard dog or guide dog…& they were actually useful.
But all they do is eat, defecate & sleep & when not sleeping beg for more food so they can shit more !
I don’t think no matter how long i live, Ill understand the attraction of those mangy useless animals.
I wonder if they’re any good to eat ?
more: beyond the pale and no they don’t taste good
Aw, More, cats are great – I had 2 part-Siamese kitties for 18 years and they were great company. If I was sick and in bed, they’d lay on either side of me like those two lions at the Dingle tower. And were they fucking smart! – whenever I’d ask them who the most famous Chinese Communist of the 20th Century was, they’d yowl: ‘Mao!’
Paingirl I just thought if you skinned them & removed the head & feet they’d look just like a skinned rabbit, And I know rabbits are tastey. (if the pale ones are beyond…maybe the dark ones are tastey)
TTFN, with all respect, you’d let those things on you bed !!?!!
shudders…damn.
If one of those things got on my bed, it wouldn’t have anything else to worry about. Because I would wring its neck. Wouldn’t be the first or even the 3rd time I’ve done it. We had them at my parents when I was growing up & they learned fast to stay out of my way, if they weren’t fast learners….as I would say to my ole Mum ” it must a ran away mum ” or “I wonder what happened to it “
I’ve got no use for them, I even bought a terrier instead of a cat when we were seeing & hearing mice in the barn a couple of years ago. I remember my mum had one that used to beat on the door to get in & it would go to the litter box to shit, then it would yowl to go back outside! damn disgusting creatures, shed all over the damn house, licking themselves & spreading their saliva & germs everywhere….thanks but no thanks, not in my house !
“Though the male cat is dumb as fuck”
Yup! My male cat makes me wonder if there’s such a thing as Ritalin for cats…
Luckily my cats don’t race me down the steps. They WILL however lay in the middle of the top step, and stare at me arrogantly.
My old cat (that had to be put down due to age) use to sit at the top of the steps, and wait til you were about to go down the stairs, then hiss and swat at your ankles.
More: To each their own
More. It is apparent that you don’t like cats but they can be theraputic (sp). Coming home from of work and have someone let you forget about life for a while is called a cat. Very stress releaving.
Ahhhhh, I want to buy your cat, PK … like right now.
Everyone wants my cat, refinedsugar! My grandfather said we should’ve bred him and there are like 4 people who keep asking if they can have him. And honestly, he’s such a happy boy who loves everyone that he’d be fine with living with another family because he’s just in it for the cuddles (and the eats).
PK: My cat’s crazier than your cat :p
My cat actually isn’t crazy — neither one of them are! They’re the sweetest kitties on the planet. And extremely well behaved.
My dad’s cat is an asshole, though. He’s no bigger than a large kitten and bites me. Only me. And when he’s sitting on the ledge between the kitchen and hallway and I walk by he actually chomps at me. He’s smarter than most humans I know too. He’s also taught my male cat to swat anyone who walks by him when he’s sitting on a ledge. My male cat’s not the brightest crayon in the box, but he learns from other kitties well.
My female cat is a lesbian feminist who *hates* men — feline or human. Except for my dad. She loves my dad. She has IBS, OCD and separation anxiety and “mommy” issues (she thinks I actually gave birth to her).
this isn’t a proper bitch – it’s a thinly disguised excuse to bang on about your “crazy but lovable” cat…and look how all the cat folks join in the chorus….boring
when i was growing up our neighbours had 2 pycho kitties that you just didn’t fuck with; not even big ass german shepherds messed with these cats; oh yea they were like amazing looking siamese 🙂
Then don’t read it, Frosty 😉
I could never own a siamese cat — not after watching Lady and the Tramp back in the day, martym!
that’s a keeper alright
No, this is the bitch section…don’t I have the right to be free from a bunch of waxing poetic and lovingly about your cats, disguised as a bitch? It’s almost annoying as hearing a bunch of new moms prattle on about little Jessie’s first solid poo…
Pretty Kitty I guarantee I do not want your cat.
Not even sort of.
We have a Bitch section, we have a Love section, so how about a Love-Bitch section? For those submissions, like this one, that are neither fully Bitches or Loves. This is a Love-Bitch.
Anyway, I’m a bit of a cat guy myself. My favourite cat is my stoner friend’s cat. Needless to say, a stoner cat owner equals a stoner cat, and this kitty is especially chilled out, lazy, hungry, and philosophical.
OP, your cat is showing dominance over you. She/he is letting you know she/he is the Alpha animal. Solution is to step on it, or hurt it in your stride. I don’t mean in a malicious way, but rather in a dominant way. You do this once/twice and you won’t have this problem. It’s the same when dogs sit in front of the door or whatever and you either have to step over it or go around it. They’re Alpha dominant. It’s a very easy fix.
Q, your so cute…Purrr:)
Domestic cats are domesticated cats. They are individual kitties. No pack mentality, no Alpha Male / female thing going on. It’s either a food motivated thing or a pleasure motivated issue or a territorial motivated stance. BTW Pretty Kitty, I’ve got a cat that when she’s feeling lovey dovey, she actually nibbles on my flesh like a corn on the cob meal. It’s so cute.
Your cats reads The Coast…that’s cool!
My boyfriends cat is evil. Well, used to be. She’s toned down in old age. When we lived in beaverbank and she was an outdoor cat we got a call from a neighbor one day. She asked us to come get our cat (our yards were sorta connected) because it was chasing and attacking her kids and has them trapped up a tree and won’t let them down. She has pinned both our mothers, mine against the fridge and his in the bedroom. Now my other cat, his name is Princess Mew, he’s a spaz. And our third cat is pure tom cat. 3 completely different personalities. Very amusing to watch it all play out.
i used to have 4 siamese cats when i lived in sprytown. also used to have a couple local bands use my basement for practice. someone broke in one night while we were all out, and tried to steal the equipment from basement, that we had there. we got in at 10 p.m., and heard noises downstairs, like a whimpering sound. on checking it out, after grabbing my .38 snubnose, i went down there. the first thing i saw, was blood, all over the floor and one wall. then i swa the cats, all 4 of them, they had this guy in a corner, and a fucking doberman too, buddy was bleeding like a bitch,and dog wasn’t in too good shape either. i told my gf to call cops and to hurry. bet the dude was never so glad to get caught in his fucking life.these type of cats were temple gaurds, and it stays in them. poor dog still wouldn’t move after cops came to take buddy out either. had to get spca to tranq. him. i loved those pussies,almost as much as the two part ones i have now.
More: The one reason you might want a cat is that they’re very useful at keeping other cats away. My Mom’s cat will freak out anytime a stray cat comes on her deck. They can certainly be useful. Make good alarm clocks as well.
Et tu, Life Sucks?
Say it isn’t so, Sebastien?!
Good grief.
Some of these brought tears to my eyes from trying to hold back my laughter (bored at work). My cat is like the OP’s, but fortunately not on stairs. When I drag myself out of bed in the morning in the dark, she comes over to walk in front of my feet but as soon as she gets there, she spins around as fast as she can to run away and ends up smashing her head off the wall. EVERYDAY. This morning the clunk made such a loud noise that I’m surprised she remained conscious. I should look closely under her fur someday and I’m sure her whole head is covered with bruises and lumps.
Wanna have fun? Put a sock partway over your mean ole tomcat’s head…I call that ‘aardvark kitty’…
..and hilarity ensues…
My kitty doesn’t do this on steps, but everywhere else. And he’s orange so he blends in with most of the floors in our house (laminate). Whenever I’m preparing something in the kitchen, he’ll sit or lay down right behind my feet. I’m used to this though and now look before I step back. You should have learned that by now…look before you go down the stairs if he does this EVERY time.
Oh and Pretty Kitty, in regards to an earlier comment you made about your male cat and getting stuck in blinds, mine does the same thing!! He’ll keep pawing at them until he pulled them open enough to stick his head in, then he tries to go through them and gets stuck. He also doesn’t meow either, I call it squeaking, ’cause that’s what it sounds more like :P. Mmmm kitties <3
sorry bmf but i love funny cat stories. one of the boys used to drag socks and paint brushes up the basement stairs through his swinging cat door and upstairs and put them on the end of the bed. one day i caught him trying to haul this big piece of cardboard through his cat door but it wouldn’t fit…he never brought anything up after that. he jumps on your back when you bend over to put shoes on^^
My funny cat stories:
Davey (15 pound tuxedo cat) pulled off something similiar with the blinds… I was trying to give him a bath, and he jumped out of the water, soaked, and trying to climb up the blinds, and go through them to sit on the window ledge, but he got tangled in the blinds, I got him out, he was on the ledge only to slip and plunge back into the water
Ivy (his sister, all white, half her brother’s size) sleeps under the covers for some reason… Does anyone else have a cat that does this?
Squeeky Boo, the newest one got her name because she’s timid, and scared of everything, and when she meows it’s more of a squeek
😀 I enjoy funny cat stories as well <3. My little guy is such a sweetie! But then sometimes he turns into a psycho and tries to fight me for no reason. He only attacks me though, no one else. He's just playin' :D. He did something very sweet one day though...I was trying to sleep, and he kept scratching at some bag I had so I locked him out of my room. The next morning I opened my door and there was a little candy sitting on the floor, right in front of my door :D. I had these little individually wrapped candies sitting by my purse downstairs and he must have saw it and thought it would make a good gift :D!! He also gave a gift to my brother. It was a piece of this fake plant decoration thing I had haha.
“No, this is the bitch section…don’t I have the right to be free from a bunch of waxing poetic and lovingly about your cats, disguised as a bitch? It’s almost annoying as hearing a bunch of new moms prattle on about little Jessie’s first solid poo…” ~Frosty
You should write a bitch about it, Frosty 😉
Awwww melectric! That’s so cute. My girlie does meow (they’re both from the same litter, but they’re ragamuffins, it’s just the male doesn’t look like a ragamuffin — he’s a big gray tabby, anyway ragamuffins aren’t known for being big meowers, but we’ve trained both of them to “talk” by talking to them like they’re human — actually they think they *are* human, but that’s another story all together) but she has this chirping sound she does when she sees you or if you touch her. Sometimes I’ll jsut sit there and poke her and she’ll just chirp over and over. They’re both docile as frig so you can get away with it.
What’s also cute (my female cat just did this to me) is when she follows behind me and beats my feet with her paws all “HIHI MOMMY! LET’S PLAY!” Or if you want her to get out of the tub because you’re about to shower and she does a sommersault and plops down all “I’m not moving!” heh. I love cute kitty stories. And kitties.
How exactly are these stories “funny”, paingirl? “My cat is sooo pesky, teehee! he likes to swat around a ball of yarn, and climb the drapes and sometimes? Sometimes? Sometimes he jumps up on me!”…
*yawn*
Here’s a funny cat story.
One time back in junior high school a bunch of us were getting drunk off Bacardi from my bud’s dad’s liquor cabinet, and someone thought it would be funny to chase the cat around outside with a squirt gun…the little bugger climbed up a tree by the house and wouldn’t come down. So the guy who chased it climbed up on the roof to get the cat. The guy whose cat it was holds out his coat and says ‘go ahead!” as if he’s gonna catch the cat like a fireman.
Turns out he was only joking, you’d be crazy to try and do that from a three storey house, so when the guy tosses the cat, buddy panics and shouts “No!” and pulls his jacket away!
Well, that cat hit the ground like a sack of wet cement! Blafffftt!! Hahaha we never laughed so hard! Anyway, after a few seconds it got up and boogied into the house and didn’t come out for the rest of the summer.
Man those were good times.
😉
People are Stupid…You know what really keeps a cat away?
A slingshot ball bearing to the head !
What I used to use to keep them out of my vegetable garden (& the ex’s flower gardens) was shotgun pellets.
You put a dozen or so in a little square of plastic food wrap. make a little ball.
When you see the cat digging in the garden, put a the packet in the pocket of the slingshot, give it a slight twist as you pull it back (to break the plastic wrap) & let the BB’s fly.
I never missed, it worked way better than a single marble or ballbearing, you could see those cats outrun cars when they took off !!
Good times, I still fondly remember ~8)
har har har
Now THESE are funny cat stories!
Keep ’em comin’…
bmf: that’s not a funny cat story, that’s a stupid tale of animal abuse. What a shit head you are.
Ever put masking tape on the bottom of your cat’s feet? They can’t “feel” the ground so every step is an uncertainty, lol…
I call it “prancing lipizzaner kitty”…
It’s not “animal abuse” jennier, it was a fucking accident…shit happens, even to animals!
The world might seem a cold cruel place right now, jenny-baby, but when you grow up you’ll see that you were right…
tossing a fucking cat off the roof is not an accident.
fuck you.
well bmf i think our senses of humour might diverge quite a lot
I’m sure any Chinese or Korean restaurant will take them.
It was being rescued from the roof!
There was a miscommunication, that’s all…lol read the story again!
What would you have done, leave it to starve?
What about grandma? is it OK if foremen “toss” HER of the roof into the rescue blankey?
“”well bmf i think our senses of humour might diverge quite a lot””
Well that may be…but you weren’t there, and I’m tellin’ ya, it was funny!
I’m laughing right now thinking about it…
I guess now’s not a good time for my story about the dead seagull in the water ballon slingshot and the Japanese tourists in a rental boat in False Creek?
you can tell any tales you like bmf…i am a big bad bottom feeder so i don’t often rise to the bait…but you baited your hook well with dead seagulls/tourists and a creek!
A sock over their noggin is always good for a laugh. Much like feeding ones dog an open faced peanut butter sandwich. In my case it was my Old English Sheepdog, they have quite large jaws so he’d greedily take the entire thing in his mouth. It would take him a good twenty minutes to dissolve this thing from the roof of his mouth….Haha, he loved being the center of attention and would readily give you a HUGE smile when I finally conquered it.
🙂 I miss having a dog!
My mom’s cat once got her head stuck in a chinese lantern ball light fixture. She clawed the hell out of it until the paper was all gone, then dragged the rest downstairs, breaking the lightbulb, and then went to sleep with the metal ring around her neck.
Ever stick a big glob of peanut butter in a cats mouth ?
Good times ~:)
Jennier, if you’ve ever put in a couple of nice flower beds & a tomato patch & all the veggies & come back & seen your transplants & young seedlings ripped up so the neighbors cat(s) can shit in your yard…maybe you’d be pissed as well.
You keep your cat in your yard/home, & keep it away from me & mine & your cat will be perfectly safe…I don’t go around the neighborhood hunting them & I also don’t put up with them destroying my stuff either.
More, read above, about my dog…yup, good laughter had by all.
in my unofficial role as moderator i proclaim suck’s story as the best^^^
this is why I hate cats. I always feel like they’re trying to kill me. They just give me the old stink eye then casually try to trip me down the stairs.
I once spent the night at my friends house and was sleeping on her couch when I felt something light and fuzzy on my face…it was the goddamn cats paw.
the crazy thing jumped up on the couch and put its paw over my lips.
I don’t know if it was actually trying to kill me then or warning me not to talk about the “hit” he obviously placed on me.
My sisters cat routinely places a dead animal at my shoe when I visit her. I’ve seen the Godfather, too you motherfucker and I know what you’re trying to do.
Furry, freaky, murdering sons of bitches.
Actually, El, the cat placing dead animals at your shoe means they like you — they’re bringing you food and they’re attempting to “provide.”
Take it as a compliment. It’s meant to be a sign of affection, believe it or not.
Also: to the poster who asked if anyone else’s cat sleeps under the covers — my female cat does that. She puts her head on the pillow beside me and sleeps under the covers. Again, she thinks she’s human.
obviously, your cat wants something from you…what are you not giving it? food? love? attention?
exactly! When my male cat nips at my feet while weaving around them in the kitchen (and last night he nipped at my knees! it was creepy) he’s expecting FOOD. Even though there’s plenty in his dish.