Just wanted to give a big shout out to my body for deciding to waste myself with an all-in-one period, yeast infection, and hemorrhoid attack two days before Halloween and four days before my paper is due. PS: the acne explosion on my forehead is also great. —Perks of being a woman

This article appears in Nov 4-10, 2010.

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59 Comments

  1. I am starting to not appreciate these TMI type bitches just like the public display of raw frontal bummage. 🙁

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  2. Stitch together a mu-mu from an army surplus tent and your Rosie O’Donnell costume is complete.

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  4. Just make a trip to the drug store, for GOD’S SAKE, op.

    You know you’re going to go out on halloween anyway, and let’s be real: it’s not like you weren’t going to start your paper the night before it’s due anyway 😉

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  5. Well I guess it’s no anal sex for the op … Or sex of any kind. Maybe Snoop could write a how (not) to. I’m with ya NTH. TMI, no one’s really interested in your nether regions. Lol, this won’t get printed in TheCoast.

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  8. That’s classified. I’d tell you, but then i’d have to….well, you know.
    Screeeeeeeee!.

    Boxers – with airplanes on ’em. Vrooooom!

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  9. you always know what i mean^^i looked for that bloom county strip, but couldn’t find it…hairy fishnuts

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  10. They are just generic biplanes but they do have R.A.F. roundels on the wings. I think SOBova got them in the extra-husky section at Gap Kids. >; )

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  11. being a dude isn’t a treat either….

    at least you could still get laid at the drop of a hat if you wanted.

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  13. Come back to me with complaints when you’re 8 months pregnant.

    PS. I’m being a virgin for Hallowe’en!

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  16. Okay – quick LTWWB Fuckin-The-Dog Friday Opinion Poll. –
    Who’s got the sexier avatar, me or Real Chick?
    I know where Hugo stands on this, and this time she has donuts. Gonna be close.

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  17. well if that’s my only choice i’m giving it to marge, but i don’t like donuts^^i choose worf and his beloved…now that’s what i call foreplay *rawr*

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  22. “at least you could still get laid at the drop of a hat if you wanted.”

    OK that’s just NASTY. Any guy who would screw a chick with the yeasties growing in her vag is no guy I wanna be with. Yeast infections CAN be spread from girl to guy — and it’s even worse if the guy’s uncut, especially with all those little yeasties getting in under the foreskin. *shudder*

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  23. Thanks PG ♥♥♥ <3 I think I may have a treat bag with your name on it...and some scooby snacks for the your 4 legged friends!

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  24. thanks for that PK.
    should be a cheap lunch today…. I’m certainly in no mood to eat.

    I was hoping LS was going to jump on and do the usual schtick thus proving my point.

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  26. quite……. deranged. yes, it is.

    and a big fuck you to everyone who almost ruined lasertag for me…
    I rounded up a few friends and we’re going anyways.

    8:45 sunday to close.

    there’s only a few of us, but enough to play for sure.
    room for 20 more or so if anyone wants to experience and practice for the impending robot war future.

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  28. Anytime, Z3!

    Gross, isn’t it? I read that in cosmo a few years back and barfed a lil in my mouth when I read it.

    Why ANYONE would want to have sex with anyone whilst infected with the yeasties, though, is beyond me.

    Though I guess it would scratch an “itch” you couldn’t get to yourself…or something.

    Sorry for that guys…if it makes y’all feel any better I just had to throw out my piece of pizza they gave out at work today 🙁

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  30. Yeah Z-man. Just think of what Seven of Nine would say.
    “Now is an appropriate time for copulation. You will remove your earth pants”

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  31. lasertag lasertag lasertag…

    yes, it’s been rough.
    I lashed out…. my bad. 🙁
    awaiting senility so I can forget why I’m pissed off all the bloody time.

    still… anyone wants to come, I ain’t got no yeastie boys you need to worry about…
    just the overwhelming desire to shoot people with freakin’ laser beams.
    might even be able to provide rides if you’re willing to get in a car with a large, obviously psychopathic stranger based on the premise that we’re about to go to virtual war…..

    don’t all put your hand up at once now….

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  34. I do love a Z3….
    james bond’s car in goldeneye….how could you not?

    thanks. spirit rising.

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  36. zZz…I’m the only bitch here who has to take a preschooler trick or treating. So I’m just going to un-included myself from that profanity thank you!
    But We all have bad days…..and I’m happy to see that you consider us all “like family” enough to be yourself and not put on a happy act. I feel another cyber hug coming
    on……

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  37. thanks for the she-hulk…. she’s definitely a looker…. for ink and paper anyways.
    😉

    I was always more a ‘Lady Death’ guy though.
    I’m sure you can imagine why….

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  38. Well, if it’s any consolation to the OP or anyone else having a shitty time, I’m sick, my cat died, and I have a mountain of work to slog through this weekend, so I probably won’t even get to enjoy my favourite holiday. Happy fucking Halloween.

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  40. OMFG MEOW! I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty 🙁 Just hearing about someone losing a kitty makes me tear up 🙁

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  42. “My heart has joined the thousand for my friend stopped running today”
    Richard Adams – “Watership Down”

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  45. Sorry Donk, I’m steering clear of this one… ick.

    Although I will say that bangs, besides being trendy will cover up your forehead acne. Or you can be ahead of the trends and bring back the sweatband!

    Work it.

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  46. zZz , hmmmm….. laser tag , or the other choice this weekend, going into the woods with a high power rifle & possibly killing a poor defenseless deer !

    I think I’m going to stay with the real gun choice, fake guns are for children.

    Meow…I would offer my condolences on your dead cat…but I’m just not able to see that as a bad thing. I mean it isn’t shitting & pissing in your home anymore, no more fur balls puked up on the floor or the furniture, & you don’t have to continue to figure out what to do with the ton+ of hair it sheds , no shredding of your furniture , curtains or moldings … sorry, for what its worth.
    Perhaps you can turn this into a good thing, for a different kitty & go adopt a pussy cat in need from the shelter…..

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  47. Some people just have a way with words don’t they? I see the competition is open for the LTWWB Insensitivity Awards. Cue Jann Arden…

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  50. Thanks RC and OC, and a hearty one-finger salute to More. Way to stay true to form there fella. Not that it really matters, but my cat was nothing like what you describe. He was pretty much the sweetest, lovingest, easy-goingest boy there ever was, and I’m honoured to have had his companionship for 15 years.

    I grew up rurally, so losing animal buddies is nothing new to me, but letting go of a dear friend like him makes one pretty heartsick. If I had the thousands of dollars to try to save his life, I probably would have spent it, but alas, he was an old man and I’m not a rich woman so I had to let him go. I feel sorry for anyone who’s never been affected by an animal in such a way. It’s a beautiful part of life.

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  51. Ignore More. I’ve learned to after reading his particulary prickish posts on things like your cat for example. Just scroll past his ignorant posts.

    When you’re ready to get a new kitty, may I suggest adopting one from the vet in clayton park (the one close to winstons/KOD)? They have some real sweethearts there and their adult cats are already neutered/spayed. There’s one kitty there right now who’s SUCH a sweetie and I think I made my own cat a little jealous when i took her down to get a shot and I was fawning over the kitty there now. She’s a small adult (probably little more than 7 or 8 months) and sort of calico and SO friendly. I’d love to take her/him but I already have two and more than two in an aprtment is just cruel.

    I really hope you’re able to feel better soon! It’s rough, trust me, but it does get better! *hugs*

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  52. so sorry to hear me0w…. 🙁

    More, something tells me I wouldn’t be the best candidate for owning a firearm…..

    RealChicky…. “I’m the only bitch here who has to take a preschooler trick or treating”
    you’re keeping your preschooler out past 8:30 pm on a sunday?!?!?
    I would have thought they’d be asleep by then.

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  54. Jock itch is somewhat of the equivalent.

    Ah, my dog pasted this year, it really sucks. Now my cat is an attention whore, she must miss him too. I threw her a catnip pity party, but she hasn’t snap out of it yet. As for your pile of work me0w, you shouldn’t have procrastinated by liking me so much!

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  55. i’m down to two pets, i miss the needy tard boy who went for the big dirt sleep just before mother’s day. fifteen years is a good life, and ya gotta give mr. more some credit. tho a guy with a cooked cat avatar is probably not the best disher outer of sympathies^^

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  57. I get affected by animals all the time.
    THe absolute delight I experienced in the exceptionally perfectly cooked slab of cow I had for supper last night…delightful, memorable even.

    I simply don’t like cats. Period.
    I want a cat in my home about as much as you cat lovers want a pig or a cow living in your home ! For you to have a view, on cats being loving, wonderful blah, blah, blah… it actually seems that your lack of human companionship/relationships is why many of you IMO seem to dote on the cat(s).
    My life is more full than that & I have never felt the lack ,when I haven’t had a cat .

    Before any of you decide to tell me to try it…I have paid to take care of several cats in my lifetime. My daughters just had to have their kittens…which grow up, need to be spaded, needled etc. & I did my fatherly duty & I did so without complaint because I love my kids more than I hate shitting/pissing/puking/shedding machines inside my home.
    But they (my daughters) are grown up & on their own now…& I cannot begin to explain to you how much better I like my life without one of those hairballs in it.
    Doesn’t mean my offer of condolence to Meow was insincer, I just believe a little honesty goes further than a lie. Hoping she feels better & commiserating as if I had empathy with her situation would have been a lie.
    I don’t like to see people suffer, for any reason & that goes for animlas suffering as well, I got no problem killing them, but I draw the line at torturing the little bastards.

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  58. Sorry zZz….Im not getting a babysitter to go play laser tag. I guess I’m just no fun.

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