It’s not very big and it’s not very long
but my simple little bitch kinda sounds like a song
I’m sick and tired of being tired and sick
and stumbling over words when I try to sound slick
I’m bitchy because of overeager cars
not to mention horny bros tappin’ trampy bar stars
It’s easy to bitch about Halifax
when it comes to this town we just can’t relax
It’s so hard living here on the gorgeous east coast
with hockey in the winter and summer weiny roasts
But there’s one little thing that annoys me most of all
and that’s fucking rhyming couplets!
—Russell Shakespeare
This article appears in Mar 11-17, 2010.
There’s only two things I know for certain…
the first is that you shouldn’t tell all that you know.
…
Hahaha… what, no prose from zZz?
I knewest not how to be witty
to rival their cute little ditty
so I sit here
without any beer
suppose I’ll just suckle a green titty.
or more appropriately for all those going out tonight… you can use this one:
You said you knew a cool trick
Oh why did you have to get sick
you can blame me
for failing to see
you couldn’t handle my big, donkey dick
okay, that was a little bad, even for me…..
I apologize to any poor soul who gets told this tonight.
so I’ll see if I can come up with one for the ladies.
roses are red, violets are blue.
with a stupid bitch like this,you must be braindead too.
here ya go ladies… feel free to crush those poor drunkards tonight.
at first I saw you were thoughtful
but now I can see you are hostile
because I laughed out loud
at how you’re endowed
you wouldn’t even fill my left nostril
z… you never let me down….
From the OP:
“It’s not very big and it’s not very long….”
UMMM… That’s what SHE said!
For the Gents *Ahem*…
The Joy Of Having A Dick
I’ll tell you a short poem; I’ll try to make it quick. The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick.
Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous. An organ surrounded by sensitive skin. That’s smooth and rarely hairless
It starts to grow dramatically, When you’re about thirteen. Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between.
It dangles neatly down below; Soft, obedient and loyal. At the slightest hint of lust, It’s ready to uncoil.
It often has a mind all of its own; It’s like a wild untamed beast. It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least.
Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn’t. A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn’t.
And during the summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach. The slightest sight of shaking boobs Makes it squirm just like a leech.
Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure. Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure?
Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought. Is seven inches long enough? It makes guys quite distraught.
They peek across in urinals, To compare and try to see But if another glances back at them. There’s no way they can pee.
Masturbating is a sin; That’s what some folk believe. But those are just old wives’ tales; Cuz it really can relieve.
Without this fabulous organ, No shag would be complete. Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat.
It has to main bodily functions I’m sure you’ll all agree. To start a whole new life and of course� daily to pee
But I think the thing that’s marvellous; About that one eyed brute. Is that when its trying to procreate, It knows which fluid to shoot
And always it remains with you; Until you’re old and frail. Don’t take it out in public though, or you’ll be thrown in jail.
And so to summarise I’d say with certainty, that every male loves his little friend But girls, no matter what we do, Please don’t fold, spindle mutilate and NEVER NEVER Bend!!!
It’s a hard life being a penis, you have a head with no brain, one eye that’s blind, 2 neighbours that are nuts, the others an arsehole & your best mates a c*nt
And with that, I’ll call it a day.
“hey peek across in urinals, To compare and try to see”
me thinks a woman wrote this….
or some frisky feller..
cause in general, this is quite frowned upon.
Think “waiting…”
BAHAHAHA… by far the best post of the day, and perhaps the week. Haliwood, you are my hero.
btw Haliwood Girl, was clearing your throat keeping in theme with the post? LOL……
Lame. Go back to NSCAD.
I may be out west
but it’s east I like best…
why doesn’t this ever happen here?
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/17/ki…
yes…this is awesome. especially the part about the weinys.