Just got off the phone with my Mom. She’s coming for a week…in 3 fucking days! Holy shit! How the hell am I supposed to clean to suit her in 3 fucking days! Last visit it took me over a week, and she still found something to criticize! Piss on it. I’m not cleaning anything. She’ll just have to suck it up! I mean, I’m not a kid anymore. What’s she going to do about it? Not give me my allowance? Ground me? She can’t do ANYTHING about it! Except, pick and dig, and tell me how clean my sister’s place is. I will have to listen to her go on and on. “How can you live like this?” “How can you find anything?” “You need to get organized.” It’d be worth it if I didn’t have to listen to her go on about everything else! “What the hell did you do to your hair?” (Oh, shit! I forgot, it’s purple!) “Don’t you have something nicer to wear?” (You mean slacks, Mom. I don’t own a pair of slacks, and I will NEVER own a pair of slacks!) “What! You still don’t have a boyfriend?” (I know she really means, What’s wrong with you?) “Maybe if you lose a few pounds, dear.” For christ sakes, Mom! size 12 is not the end of the world! I have to cancel my plans, give up my bed, shop, shop and SHOP, listen to everything that is going on in everyone’s life who I DON”T remember, and I have to have a bedtime…a goddamn bedtime! because you can’t fall asleep with unless it’s dead quiet. SSSSSHIT! Oh, and I can’t swear! “And you eat with that mouth?”
Jesus, I am 32! When does it stop?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
—Time to start cleaning
This article appears in Oct 1-7, 2009.
It stops when YOU stop it OP.
As much as she gets to you try to keep it in perspective with the thought that one day she’ll be gone and you’ll wish she WAS here no matter how frustrating she can be! She’s still your mom and you only get one.
You think that’s bad? Try living with your mother after living on your own since you were 18…
Thankfully though my mom doesn’t give a flying fuck about me swearing, neat and tidiness, or what time I go to bed. Never did. Might explain a bit about me, haha.
Four words for you OP: “My house, my rules”. Put it to her simply, if she doesn’t respect you in your own home, she’s more than welcome to go stay in a hotel. As you said yourself, you’re 32 for fuck sakes. Tell her to deal with it or don’t, but that you won’t put up with any shit from her.
Holy crow – she sounds like a total control freak. I am so grateful I didn’t treat my kids like they were in the fucking military. Live as you want, not according to her impossible, idiotic standards (which probably didn’t do her a lot of good overall). If she doesn’t like it, there’s lots of hotels where she can look for dust. Don’t put up with this parental bullying.
Good luck taking a stand with your Mom.
Expect tears, hurt or even outrage. Oh, and feigned innocence:
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
or
“If I DID say something that bothered you, I didn’t mean it that way.”
or the worst
“I only encourage you because I care about you.”
Anyway, bite the bullet and get it over with. Until you take a stand things will always be this way. Oh, and although things will be somewhat better after you go through the fire, your mother cannot change her nature. And, it will take time to for her to alter her habits. So don’t expect a miracle.
you need to change your name from time to start cleaning to time to grow up. You are 32?
I’d greet her at the door with a beautifully wrapped gift box. In it would be all the crap she need to CLEAN your house. Better yet, call her up and tell her you’re not ready for her visit because your home isn’t up to HER standards and neither is your appearance. She’ll just have to wait a few more years (say 20) until you grow up and live up to her standards. It may never come tell her, so it’s up to you Mom, take me as I am for a week or stay home.
Meh, it’s a good excuse to clean up a bit. Consider it payback for 18 (or so) years of raising, feeding, cleaning and housing your messy self. Not to mention putting up with your bad attitude.
Ahh this one is easy…make a small shrine to a dead bird (dead crow…very spooky-like), next smear peanut butter in various places in the bathroom, display your new collection of knives and play very..very…very obnoxious music the entire time she is there to stay.
Your mom will never, ever stay there again; though she may in fact call a therapist on you.
Jennier: I hear there’s a group here in Halifax for people like you. You know, people who actually enjoy being oppressed and told that there life is worthless. They’ll even have you parents come in and berate you for being yourself. You’re obviously into being treated like crap if your post is the least bit accurate.
NeverWrong: all I meant is that there’s nothing wrong with cleaning your house up for company, especially if said company cleaned up after you for half of your life.
as for being berated, no I’d probably skip that, and I wouldn’t take to kindly to being told my life was worthless (though I don’t see where the OB mentions that) but maybe her mum would take her a little more seriously if she could at least muster the energy to do the dishes and scrub the toilet.
jennier: you seem to have missed the point. The OP has stated that no matter how good of a job she does cleaning, it’s still never enough. So what’s the point of doing it at all? If your mom was always telling you that your best isn’t good enough, how do you think you’d feel about her coming to visit? As for the worthless part, to me that is the summation of all her mother’s typical comments. They’re all meant to make her feel worse about herself and to make her mother feel better about herself. I’ve dealt with a lot of people like this in my life. They’ll keep it up until you snap.
When does it stop? When you grow a pair and tell mommy to stop. If she doesn’t, tell her to get a hotel room and you’ll see her when you can.
Having been through what you , I’m glad that when I was 30 and my Mom started in on me about the way I lived and being divorced. I just sat her down and “Mom I’m healthy, employed and happy with my life. Isn’t that what you said you always wanted for your kids”
Give it a try who knows you may get lucky like I did.