I live two blocks from the common, and the elevation of my abode means I can hear anything happening at Alderney Landing with crystal clarity. It’s too hot to close the windows, so my afternoon and evening have been spent enduring the high-volume clamor emanating from both Country Rock Fest and Summer Rush. Nasally twang on one side, and idiotic club hooks on the other, surging into my poor undeserving ears and making my brain cells cry out for mercy. At this point I feel the most sensible solution is to sit dead centre in my flat, beating pots and pans while screaming at the top of my lungs. Wish me luck, friends. —Stuck in the middle…
This article appears in Aug 5-11, 2010.
Fucking move, dumbass.
Cry.
Drop us a postcard from Gitmo, Hon. Give Omar Khadr a big wet sloppy smooch from the rest of us.
Ever hear of going out for the night?
Give it up.
It’s over. You can take the toilet brushes out of your ears now.
It could’ve been worse. Kevin Costner could have dropped over and sang to you in person.
I understand he was megashite.
Sssshhhh Baz. If Costner thinks he is a cuntry singer he won’t be tempted to make that long awaited sequel ‘The Postman 2 – Electric Boogaloo”.
waterworld on ice
…with Scott Hamilton, Kristi Yamaguchi, Brian Boitano and special guest hosts Kathie Lee Gifford and Pee Wee Herman. I better copywright this idear and then it’s GooooodBye Dunder-Mifflin.
Hey Mr. Costner – I’ve got a script you’d just love to read…
Ivan, Ivan, you forgot Gilbert Gottfried as the protagonist’s buddy.
could be worse they might throw in those unemployed tossers from Air Farce – which in my less than humble opinion, qualifies as one of the worst shows EVER.
I always enjoyed Finnigan getting it up the stern tube from Rusty – different show, different era.
The Air Farce stopped being entertaining when they made the transition from radio to television.
Ah, Finnigan, that canine voiceless wonder – I always wondered if he humped Casey’s leg on a regular basis. As for ol’ Rusty, didn’t Jerome stuff him with chesnut dressing and serve him to the kitty kat band?
don’t forget nancy kerrigan and the oh-so-charmimg tonya harding
Thanks PG, we needed some more “classy” ladies.
TT – we’ll go with Gottfried only if we can’t get Rob Schneider. Or, Fred Schneider. I always get them cornfused.
Hmm….each neighbourhood has sounds. Spryfield is the sound of welfare checks falling into mailboxes. Sackville is supped up Neons and Sunfires. Halifax is rats munching on backyard chickens. Bedford is people counting cash. Dartmouth is gunshots.
Its kinda like People you see on the news next to their destroyed trailer that live in hurricane coastland or in tornado states like Oklahoma, crying “why me”???…