To the mysterious person who left me a “helpful” note (somehow without anyone at the table seeing you) listing several parenting websites I might want to consult to help “make my life and my son’s life better.” You judgemental prick! Although I felt offended, I checked out the websites to give you the benefit of the doubt. It’s all shit I’m already doing! Had you been PROPERLY eavesdropping on the interaction between my son and I, you would have heard me saying to him in a calm, level voice while looking him in the eye, “I am putting you in timeout for 3 minutes because you were yelling at me, kicking me, and scratching me. This behaviour is unacceptable.” I think that I was being both peaceful and philosophical as a parent. Now, allow me to judge YOU based on this snapshot moment of YOUR actions: you are arrogant. you feel you know best and know more than others. Having 3 year olds near you makes you uncomfortable. you don’t have life experience with children OR parenting. You can’t stop yourself from interfering in other people’s business. You think you are the only one with access to google searches. You are a douche-bag. —ahhh. I feel soooo much more peaceful after calling you a douchebag
This article appears in Sep 12-18, 2013.
Nobody does that maliciously. Malicious people call CPS without just cause. Malicious people try to harm the relationship between you and your child. Malicious people do not discretely and quietly leave a note trying to help you.
How do you know it was a commentary on your skills? How do you know it wasn’t about this person empathizing with your stress with a kid being troublesome and tried to give you a little support?
I’m just saying… you might want to consider chilling out before you assume this person was trying to hurt you.
so, you were in a public place and your 3yr old was yelling, kicking and scratching you and all you can think of is a bloody ‘time out’?
no wonder someone sent you parenting advice. the establishment should have kicked both you and your tantrum-kid out the door.
just because you decided your dna is so bloody wonderful it has to be recreated doesn’t mean that other humans have to tolerate it’s antics. listen up you selfish twit, the world does not revolve around your get.
I kind of agree with batshit, I also didn’t think that the person would have left this note out of empathy but that’s a good point. Still kind of a douche bag move in my view though, I’d just as soon live and let live – not my place to get involved unless you were seriously injuring your kid. Louis CK does a great bit on this. Something like:
Non-parents will see a kid acting up and the mother looking frustrated and think “What a horrible parent, I would never ignore my child or get upset like that in public.” Parents will see a kid acting up and think “Oh my god, what did that shitty little kid do to that poor woman” …
I disagree with you GDM = toddlers act up and can get out of control, that doesn’t mean they should be banned from interacting with their community. These people were in a public place and had just as much right to be there as anyone else. Even if it was a business establishment and therefor private property, so long as they were paying customers. A little personal bias maybe? I like dogs better, too, no worries :p
The more time I interact with people, the more time I appreciate the company of my cat.
Out in public with bratty kids is challenging. They know they have the advantage, the parent doesn’t want a scene. It’s tough, especially for a single parent so I usually give them a pass. It’s inattentiveness I hate where the little kid rim-racks all over the place.
I agree with Batshit as well, the note placer (the waitress perhaps) was probably well-intentioned.
Back when I was a kid, this is Noah and the Ark time, if my brother or I dared to act like this 3 year old spawn, all my Father had to do was lean down and whisper ‘just you bloody well wait until we get home’ instant smartenthefuckup.
Just to be a dick I say the following.
If you didn’t notice someone leaving a note at the table you were sitting at, then maybe you don’t/didn’t notice how terrible your child really is.
Some people only see what they want to.
reg, you hit the nail on the head, they know they have the advantage. which they should NOT.
the solution is to LEAVE. not threaten, not cajole, not bargain. the rules of civilized behaviour in public is that if they act like little beasts you LEAVE.
if you just got there, you LEAVE.
even if you just ordered, you LEAVE
if the show just started, you LEAVE
and then they will cry in bus going home and want to go back but you just go home.
this WORKS. the next time there will be no acting out. 99% of kids want to enjoy themselves in new and interesting situations, so they will behave.
of course, you shouldn’t drag them along on all day shopping trips to the mall, or at night when they are sleepy and need to be resting. they will be quite happy to LEAVE and you are shooting yourself in the foot. don’t take little kids where they shouldn’t go. make sure they have some quiet little things to amuse themselves with during waiting times. watch them to make sure they aren’t kicking someone’s chair. be observant. you are their guardian and personally responsible for their every action. you are not a victim and have no right to expect the rest of the world to feel sorry for your ‘alas alack poor me’ trials of mommyhood. you are the adult. the grownup. you’re in charge now.
regarding the establishment asking them to leave – if it were a 35 year old yelling and kicking someone, should they be asked to leave? little kids are little kids, not little lords.
and yes I have walked the walk. single mom, working, no car with 3 kids under 5. and no money, so we had to do free things. like spend an hour in the legislature buildings looking at paintings of battles or statues of buffaloes. taking the bus as a trip in itself. going to the local mall as a trip to look at things from the halls, put pennies in the fountains, ride the elevators up and down. big treat on mall day was each kid got a new dinky toy and we all shared a store bought muffin and oj. this isn’t some ‘walk 25 miles to school’ oldster tale. it’s do-able and good for you, for the kids now and as they grow up, and good for the people & property that can be impacted by your kids’ behaviour.
Geez you guys…. I’m not a parent. But i AM the sister of a wonderful woman who used to be a severe tantrum thrower. Moms have a hard time of it sometimes. You can’t lock your child away.. that’s not fair. And those little bastards are unpredictable sometimes.
I find when kids freak out, most people usually just ignore it. It’s when the parent flips out that people start noticing. If a parent stays calm and in control, they are teaching their child control. Screaming at the kid in public just creates TWO tantrums. I don’t know what the solution is and that’s because there is none. Kids flip out sometimes and the parent has to keep her sanity.
Kids have to be out in public. I mean, I think legally you can’t lock your kid away. Sometimes they freak out. Sure it’s unpleasant but it’s a fact of life.
The world doesn’t revolve around US either.
Lots of people annoy us every day. We don’t ask that THEY be shut away. Kids are just little people with bad impulse control that cry over weird things.
There is a threshold that is intolerable (like the kid picking at the food at the table next to them) but tantrums in public do NOT imply a bad parent. They imply a stressed out kid. That’s all.
You took a 3-year-old out in public? What were you thinking? Of course the little darling was going to cause a scene .. there was no television for them to watch as I am sure you are pleased when the boob-tube babysitter occupies their time while you surf the net.
Really? If you were properly interacting with your spawn then they would act/react accordingly to the environment.
Unplug your life and raise your child. Books are wonderful.
the last thing you would want to do is lock your kid away and never take them out, how could that teach them how to behave and self control?
kids MUST be given new experiences, in small, easily handled doses because their little nervous systems are not as developed as adults and as training.
kids need immediate results for their behaviour, not some threat ‘when we get home’ (which in the ‘old days’ meant a whallop which is fear based training) they need to learn they have some control, some impact over their own actions. act out in public, immediate removal. behave properly, get to stay and have fun and stimulation.
and if a kid is stressed out in public its usually because the parent is hauling them around to places that they want to go, not where a kid should be. once a kid learns proper public behaviour then they will have the basis to behave at the times when you must take them someplace, like the doctors office, and cannot just leave. you have to TRAIN kids. it doesn’t happen by magic. it should be your number 1 priority as a parent. NOT your cell phone, your dating, your new car or even your job. anyone who voluntarily and deliberately had children elected to create a new human being and has to be responsible for it before unleashing it onto the world.
So, may I ask, out of curiousity, which of the above commenters have children?
Let’s compare having a child being disruptive to something else some people might find offensive, such as a rip in your pants or smelling like too much garlic. But then have this be something that could happen at any moment of the day, every day. If you had errands to run, and then suddenly realized you had a problem, would you be able to stop everything you were doing and go home? Maybe sometimes, but probably not every time-Life doesn’t work like that. Young children need some leeway to act out a bit. They’re children, after all. We all were once. I’m surprised at how some of the ‘bitchers” seem to think that angry words from parents are the way to go. Wow.
If a parent is having a cranky child, then the best thing we can do, is either leave them or offer to distract the kid a bit. You’d be surprised how well that works; just walk over, and talk to the family. It normalizes the situation, lends actual support and often helps the toddler calm down. Try it sometime instead of judging and criticising-Offer actual verbal and physical help! Definitely works better than a note or a comment on a LTWWB, anyway.
When my kid was three, I wanted to put her on the front lawn with a ‘For Sale’ sign around her neck. Taking a three year old anywhere in public is virtually impossible unless they are comatose.
Well, the mistake made here is having a child…
They need Tazers for kids, zap the little fuckers.
Lilac, did you read the comments above yours at all? Almost everyone agreed with you…
Hmm…Hubs and I had tremendous success during those years with our rugrat. It was one warning then I’d get up, go over to where she was, and I would redirect her from whatever malfeasance she was embarking upon. It was also a case of respecting her schedule, as it were: she was ready for a nap by 2 p.m., so we either made our trips out either early in the morning to be home before then, or waited until after she woke up and was her usual bubbly and precocious self. On the odd occasion when we found ourselves at Wallyworld during her naptime, we let her snooze in the cart while we browsed in peace. No breaking of wills came into play or was needed.
hal. very much agree with understanding the little one’s schedule. you are setting yourself up for failure (tantrums, kicking, lying down on the floor) if you drag a sleepy, hungry kid around the mall.
and setting up a pattern of misbehaviour. the child associates going out with misery.