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Shut the damn window in the office bathroom after you’ve ventilated your stink! Some of us have to sit every time we use the can, and a seat colder than an outhouse is extremely uncomfortable. I spend a good 20 minutes warming up after every trip.
—Ice sculpture arse
This article appears in Feb 11-17, 2010.
27 Comments
LOL. Maybe they could take a spray bottle in the washroom with them, spray the seat with a light dusting of water, and then open the window. Or better yet, change the plastic toilet seat with a metal one.
Maybe an air freshener (or a pack of matches) would prevent the need to open the window.
Man, what’s with all the toilet talk in this forum? Shut the window, open the door, turn on the fan, put the seat down, pick up your pubes, replace the toilet paper……. are we sure there is not an unknown rule book out there on bathroom etiquette? Perhaps it should be mandatory in all public restrooms.
Oh and OP, I’d ask if you want to hook up, but you likely wouldn’t appreciate the special ice condoms I have for when I like to do it in the butt.
As someone who’s had camps with an outhouse in the past…our seat was never cold, as a matter of fact it was often damn hot.
You see we hung ours on a nail just above & behind the woodstove in the camp.
When you needed to go, you took a toasty warm seat with you, it was fixed up with 2 pegs so it wouldn’t shift around, didn’t everyone do that ?
Man oh man, can you just imagine that at 5 am on a late November morning getting ready to go hunting, a frozen seat brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !
now see, my auto-seat putting down toilet would have a heated seat as well…
I’m still taking notes…
Will it wipe your butt for you too zZz? Hehehehehehehehe! Seriously though, while you are taking notes, a self-cleaning toilet would be worth gold!
As for the nature of this bitch, the most efficient way of removing bathroom fumes is to light a match which completely takes the offensive smell away. Works great for those who don’t find matches offensive. No more chilly cheeks and icicles growing off your ass.
Yeah, next thing you know someone will be writing a bitch about people lighting fires in bathrooms and how the smell of burning carbon is offensive.
Well Oceanlady, i guess that would give you a shitty sulfer smell…..not really looking forward to trying that.
However if you really want people to go in or by your bathroom & say “WOW, THAT SHIT SMELLS GREAT ! “
Just bring your bong in there & do up a bowl, while your on the crapper ~:)
I can’t believe I got to put this in here before Weedhog .
Bongman strikes again!
Personally, I’d rather a cold arse over a stinky bathroom any day.
me too angel…the cold arse dosen’t last long but the poop stench permeates the olfactory receptors
There’s always a courtesy flush of course…
The coldness of the seat is merely temporary, so suck it up buttercup.
sarey is correct, you can actually flush it when its coming out…aha you say… be warned make sure it will flush before the dump
So it is true that women take dumps also…
get your boss to warm it for you, at a fee, of course.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned that “just a drop” shit [heh] they sell now…”just a drop” and no one smells your funky innards! Win-win situation!
Kay probably has a case of it lying around, cuz y’know, her shit don’t stank 😉
And is it just me, but isn’t there something…unsettling about sitting on a warm toilet seat?
I’d take a frosty crapper seat over one of those “just used warm” seats any day 😛
hahaha…. very valid point PK! I do believe I would have to opt for the icy seat. I mean how could you possibly experience the usual enjoyment if you`re constantly thinking about the fact that the seat was just `a little too warm`
Hey OP, who cares?
I’m a truck driver — I once had to shit in an empty Shreddies box stuck in rush hour traffic…be thankful you stayed in school and now have a grrrreat job in a nice warm office.
X-(
Yea more , alittle late on this one !!! I agree , spark up a bowl to mask the shit odor !! And if you don’t own a bong wo fold for that . It warms up the room and keeps the sweet smell of weed in !!!
To Mr. F…ewwe, bummer. Good you see you know how to multi-task, though.
I can’t even image how this is done…with care obviously. Glad you didn’t get into an accident…ewwweee!
🙂 hic
Haha, Grace, he’s full of shit, me thinks…hahahahaha yup! and is trying to promote Kellogg’s packaging as something that you can’t leave the house without.
That is so gross, lol
Another time? I was driving across Canada in my old Ford…was getting less than 10mpg so I had to sleep in my car…woke up in the AM with bad cramps and knew I wouldn’t make it…so I shat in my cat’s litter box in the passenger seat.
If you log as many miles as I have over 20 years as a musician, fisherman, travelling salesman, and recently a trucker…you will eventually have to shit somewhere odd…
i love your posts bmf…i guess you really haven’t lived large unless you have shit somewhere odd
A litter Box? lol …makes more sense to me. I hope you travel with TP, I’d hate to think you use shreddies as ass-wipe..ouch! hell, maybe you used your hand, it’s beginning to sound like that is highly probable…lol…what a shitty conversation!
I wonder what the cat thought, seeing you take a dump in her box?…meOOw
thanks for the laughs and imagery!