A week ago a close friend tried to take her own life. I did my best to nurse her back to stable mental health and hopefully succeeded a bit. I was then disgusted to learn that prior to this event, and even AFTER this event, her father-in-law has been sexually harassing her—claiming his love and attraction to her, how he wants her after her mother dies and so on. What is wrong with this piece of shit? And I must ask, what is wrong with a mother who KNOWS this is happening and still allows this asshole to stay under the same roof with her, and just yards away from her daughter’s apartment? Someone needs a head pounding. —Devoted Friend
This article appears in Jan 7-13, 2016.
Father-in-Law? I think you may be confusing the term with step-father.
That’s fucked up. Thankfully she has you OB
Does your friend live with these people? It seems like she has her own apartment so perhaps, no. There is a whole planet on which to choose a residence. Perhaps one in a different building, city or province would solve her “asshole” problem.
How about telling law enforcement of this sexual harassment. They will pay him a visit and have a chat.
Oceanchick’s advice about putting some physical distance between her and her family is a good start. The less she sees him the better. I would also add that she may benefit from taking control of how and when she visits with her mother. (More phone calls. Less visits to their house. Meet her mum for coffee without him. )
The thing that might help the most, though, is for her to get some professional counselling if she isn’t already. They see this kind of stuff all the time and might be able to help your friend navigate her screwed up family dynamic.
Kudos to you for sticking by your friend, OB. Best of luck to you both!
I suggest that you assist your friend in finding people/organizations who can help her permanently get away from that situation.
If the friend is under age 19, there are certain professionals who have a legal obligation to disclose to authorities that abuse is happening: possibly a teacher, school principal, nurse, doctor, social worker, guidance counsellor, psychologist, etc. who can advise on how to permanently get away from these people.
And yes, it matters that the abusive person’s relationship to your friend be clearly identified, especially if he is indeed a step-father, rather than a father-in-law (an in-law is the parent or sibling of someone you are married to–so, it doesn’t sound like the guy is an in-law).
One last thing: just because the guy hasn’t touched the girl YET does not mean it’s not abuse. Explicitly threatening sexual assault of another person definitely (especially a person in a vulnerable position) is committing abuse. (The mother is also complicit if she knowingly allows it to go on.)
This friend needs to cut off all contact with her messed-up family. Thank goodness she has you, OP. Friends are God’s apology for family.