I know you want to be my friend and I wanted to be your friend, but I can’t deal with you. Instead of just running away, I’m going to tell you why I can’t deal with spending time with you: you don’t listen. I mean, really listen. When I talk, you nod your head and smile and when I’m done talking, without any acknowledgement or reflection about what I shared with you and without any sign you were remotely interested in what I said, you tell me about something you thought of while I was talking. That is not listening. That is what I heard so beautifully described once as “competitive talking”. Then, every few minutes you put the competitive talking on hold so you can look something up on your smart phone about a subject I did not express interest in and couldn’t care less about and then you tell me about it. You seem like a nice person. But when I spend time with you I end up feeling frustrated, ignored and steamrolled. Maybe you just lack empathy. I don’t know if it’s something you can change or even want to change, but I thought you should know. —Game Over
This article appears in Feb 5-11, 2015.
COMPETITIVE TALKING
“When I talk, you nod your head and smile and when I’m done talking, without acknowledgement or reflection about what I shared with you and without any sign you were remotely interested in what I said, you tell me about something you thought of while I was talking.” Game over
One can acknowledge and reflect on the weather only for so long. Try discussing philosophy.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Give a know it all a little knowledge and he thinks he knows everything.
Besides Op your a liar .
There are two worlds. There’s the world of high principles, noble ideals and eternal verities. That’s the world of philosophers. And then there’s the world of unsavory realities and squalid practicalities; the real world.
Welcome.
If they don’t listen, what makes you think they are going to read this. And if they do, do you really think they’re going to think it is them you are writing about?
Then again you could be really boring.
OP You should’ve stopped being god damn judgmental and maybe,just maybe the person would’ve heard you out…But Really,seems that friendship didn’t mean anything to you anyway.
Hing Frogg: If you’re realty is filled with selfish, lying,manipulative friends , I feel sorry for you .
OB,
I had an acquaintance just like that. He was always looking for an audience to listen to him drone on about various topics and to hear about his numerous self-induced social and health problems. He wasn’t really interested in what anyone else thought or wanted to discuss. Consequently, he was a complete bore and had no real friends and no partner.
Friendships are based on a mutual interest in each other so it doesn’t sound like this person is capable of that. Don’t feel guilty about distancing yourself from someone who is so self-centred. People like that tend to take and never give. They can drain the life out of you.
Take care.
Happy dear, how you infer that my realty is filled with selfish, lying manipulative friends based on my statement clearly idicates you are a philosopher, or a fucking idiot…
If you even has an inkling of comprehension, you’d realize the significance of my comment and not embarrass yourself.
Maybe you need to follow the Commenters more often, getting to know us a bit better, our relationships with each other, our personalities and our humour. Then, and only then, will you fully appreciate the nuances of our comments.
Until then, know this: I am intolerant of stupidity, random idiots and philosophers.
OP didn’t elaborate on the topic of discussion but OP’s ex friend may have had a valid point,one of which OP (for whatever reason(‘s)) was close minded in learning.
Trying to pretend that a person ( claiming to be a friend) who is just using you can be difficult for some.You try repeatedly to get them to voluntarily tell you the truth about why they used you,lied to you ,but eventually you just stop giving a fuck….Most know why they were used anyway.Unless they’re brain dead.
Hing Frogg I have an intolerance for ‘holier than thou’ hypocrites.
RSVPS
Hing Frogg (02/07, 5:00PM)
Really? There are only two worlds? Do you have any reasons – reasons, not just empty hot blow – to support that claim? Or is your assertion just another one of those “eternal verities” for which you so harshly rebuke the philosophers? Do you see any contradiction here? No, probably not. (By the way, your “two worlds” view is an ancient but completely discredited philosophical position.)
(10:17PM)
“Until then, know this: I am intolerant of stupidity, random idiots and philosophers.”
Really? Then you must be intolerant of yourself since, if it is based on reasons rather than just hot blow, you have just uttered a philosophical claim. Admittedly, it is a stupid and idiotic one but a philosophical claim nonetheless. Do you see any contradiction here? No, probably not. (By the way, it is obvious that you don’t understand what philosophy is. Any truth claim – and all claims are truth claims including your own above – are ultimately philosophical in nature. Now tell me: What do you call a person who asserts something to be the case but doesn’t understand what he’s talking about? That’s right. That’s what I call him too.)
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
what I don’t understand op, is why you say you wanted to be this persons friend when they have that annoying habit of competitive talking.
if it’s not something that just started, why would you want to be a friend to someone like that? what was the desire based on? choice of coffee? colour of hair?
it seems to me that is something one would notice on very slight acquaintance.
My reply to Hing Frogg (02/08, 9:01AM), while listed on the board at #11 and still up in the comment section, has not appeared in “Recent Comments.” So it can’t have been a deletion but was it an oversight?
“if it’s not something that just started, why would you want to be a friend to someone like that? what was the desire based on? choice of coffee? colour of hair? “
-Gooddog Molly
Great question Molly. OP awaiting you’re answer.
Why would anyone who is aware that a ‘friend’ has done nothing but lie, listen to them,especially when That ‘friend’ thinks she knows better?
Happy, of what am I being hypocritical?
MM, I do not study philosophy, ergo am not a philosopher.
And for all the other dummies, my initial comment was a wisecrack, aimed at MM (he got it…).
Now, go back to the beginning and re-read my posts… See? Now does it make sense?
Jesus!
I think the OP needs a little bit of guidance in the area of friendships and relationships.
Every interaction has elements of give and take. I don’t think a meaningful friendship can grow from someone posting a “listen up” bitch/rant on a forum like this.
OP people like that are self-centered and concerned with their own thoughts and feelings only. I wouldn’t take it as any reflection on you. Move on, nothing to see here.
WHO IS A PHILOSOPHER?
RSVP
Hing Frogg (02/08, 7:29PM)
“MM, I do not study philosophy, ergo am not a philosopher”
Interesting. In a sentence consisting of only 11 words you have made (a) an obvious but unnecessary assertion, (b) a false inference and (c) a substantive error.
(a) The fact that you do not study philosophy is obvious and needs no repeating. But you fail to distinguish formal from informal philosophy. The first requires formal study but the latter does not. Indeed, everyone is an informal philosopher for the very good reason that it is impossible not to be one. More of that in a moment.
(b) There is no coherent inference to be made between the two parts of your sentence. This follows from the formal/informal distinction made above. In other words, nothing follows in respect to your being or not being a philosopher from the fact that you have not studied philosophy.
(c) Most importantly however, you have made a substantive error. Why is this so? It is so because everyone – EVERYONE – who makes a truth claim, who claims that something is true or is the case, is a philosopher. And who has never made a truth claim? No one. Of course, whether they are aware of the fact that they are philosophers is a further question. No one ever said that philosophers cannot be stupid.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
See? He got it!
Hey, Boru!
No, it’s you who have proved MY point. Yes, I am aware that you are not aware that you are a “philosopher” but my point was intended to convey the truth that philosophy, like everything else, can be practiced well or practiced stupidly. In other words, the concept of who is or who is not a philosopher is sufficiently elastic to include even those of you who fall into the second category. Do you get it? Atta boy!
^^^
See? He is as smart as he claims!
Actually, somewhat smarter.
Hing Frogg My comment was not directed at you… Get over yourself.
Hing Frogg My apologies I didn’t understand the joke.
Angle of the Tarsands is correct,a friendship(like any good relationship) has elements of give and take;not take,lie,manipulate and still expect to be treated with respect.