What the hell is wrong with you lazy arseholes? Why the hell are you standing stationary on the escalators? An escalator is intended to increase progress, not slow it down! Unless you’re over 80 years old or mobility-impaired, keep moving! At the very least, stay to the right and get out of my goddamn way! Unlike you, I have a life, a job, and somewhere to be. —Oldest Young Man in Canada
This article appears in Dec 2-8, 2010.
If you are in that much of a hurry take the f*n stairs!
Really? Are you in that much of a hurry? Get over it…
No, I’m not going to walk down it.
Maybe because I’m drunk, and I don’t want to fall over.
Maybe because I’m hungover, and I don’t want to fall over.
Maybe because I don’t take my marching orders from impatient jerks like you.
You’re probably one of those high-powered A type personalities, who meanders like a like a Drunk-Driver through the pedways hooked on your CrackBerry.
Slide down the middle, dick-weed.
At least move off to one side so others can pass you on the escalator – this is what people do in asia and europe and it works
Bet you thought when you were growing up that we’d all have Jetsons’ type jet packs and hover cars and moving sidewalks by now, Huh.? Here’s a little artifact from days of yore; it’s a simple phrase that goes “Excuse Me” and when used in a spirit of mutual cooperation and good fellowship it usually works on all but the most obdurate of cunts.
It’s been a long while since we had an escalator bitch…
Oh, fuck off, OP. I have a wonky knee and I’m not killing myself to climb the escalator for you or any other bunghole who wants to get somewhere 10 seconds sooner.
I really appreciate it when someone stays to the side. Don’t move if you don’t wanna, but why block it? Same as a sidewalk bitch.
It’s common courtesy though, stay to the right, pass on the left.
Here we go again. No, OP, escalators are not to speed you up. In total, you might get to the top three seconds sooner than if you walked. Hardly worth the expense of a business installing and maintaining an escalator just to appease you, ’cause you’re in such a hurry and those seconds make such a difference in your life.
They’re there to ease walking for different reasons, you’re supposed to stand, otherwise, why wouldn’t they just have stairs for the abled, and an elevator for the less abled?
I do agree that a person should stand to the side to allow those speed demons through, but that’s my only concession to you, otherwise, I’m gonna stand the whole way.
Do you really think you’re that important? Newsflash, you’re not. And really if you want to get past someone there is this little expression that would help you. Ready for it? Ok, its “excuse me”. Most times people will move out of the way so you can pass. Then the polite follow up would be “thank you”. See, its not that difficult. Try it sometime, that is if you can quit being a self absorbed moron for 10 secs.
I’m a young lady in excellent physical health with no reason what-so-ever to stand still on an escalator and I always stand still on the escalator and I don’t give a fuck about what other people think of it.
I’ll stand to one side when I’m alone not for you but just because I like to lean on the railing, pass me if you want I don’t care. If I’m with a friend I will make no effort to coordinate so that we both of us are on the same side because neither of us give a shit if anyone else is a couple seconds late for whatever it is they failed to plan ahead for and leave sufficient time to get to. That was a horrible sentence but basically, I am a punctual person and I have no patience for late people that expect me to compensate for their lateness.
Once I was on an escalator with a good friend of mine who is physically disabled and has a cane and a leg-brace thing. Some irritated douchebag behind us told us to walk up the escalator. I was just about to tell him to fuck off when a handsome young gentleman who heard everything while passing on the escalator going the other direction said “She has a cane, asshole”. It was great. I love people.
Stand to the right, pass on the left. All other major cities, even in Canada, abide by that unwritten rule. In Toronto if you don’t follow this rule you would get run over by dozens or so people.
How long is an escalator ride anyway that standing still on it pushes you so far behind in your day to day schedule. Sure, stand to one side to let others pass, but if you can’t stand still for the 10-15 seconds max that it takes, you need more help than just a few people moving out of your way.
It’s impatient fucks like you, OP, that fuel my passion for standing right in the middle of the escalator with my ipod and sound isolating earphones 😉
Also: where the eff have you BEEN Matt?
On in with most of the rest of the responders here…slow the fuck down…take time to smell the roses. IF the 3 or 4 seconds you save is that important, or is what keeps you from being late .
GET MOVING A HALF HOUR EARLIER.
-simple-
Bullshit! If I wanted to walk I’d take the stairs!
If you can’t say “excuse me, may I please get by”, then you can eat a dick and wait while I take a break and relax.
PK, I got stuck on a broken escalator…
“An escalator can never be broken. It can only become temporarily stairs. ‘Escalator temporarily stairs – sorry for the convenience'”
If you don’t want to walk on the escalator, move to the right to let other pass on the left.
Mitch Hedbug at his finest, Orgasmatron.
One of my favorite comedians.
mr. hedburg is a fave among the bitches. nice to see mr. luthor and mr. blue^^
AHAHAHA you must’ve been at HSC these past few weeks, Matt.
FFS.
Also: post more, plzkthx.
…as i recall mr. more and another bitcher, had a huge fight over this subject many moons ago
This bitch wants me to go and stand in the middle of escalators just to piss people off.
o.p., it’s like an elevator, but you go up and down, on an angle. do you try to walk up the walls of said elevator? if you do try, then you are one stupid fuck.
I don’t believe it….
that kid…. is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN….
Okay, I’m in. No more standing around, but EXACTLY how fast should I walk? I wouldn’t want our different rates to become a slow burning issue between us.
Obviously the OP was on his way to the Patent Office to register his cure for all cancers, or maybe he had the 100% guaranteed solution for world peace, the blueprints for a reliable harbour shit filtration system? – either that or he’s a self centred, spoilt little wanker in a cheap suit and scuffed shoes.
Pet Peeve; scuffed or unshined shoes – $1000 suit, smart shirt and tie, shoes looking like shit spoil the whole effect.
YAY zZz….is all I could think about was Mall Ratz when I read this bitch!!! that’s awesome.
🙂 how could you not?!?!?!?
I think that escalators were actually made to make things quicker…that’s what my tour guide in London said anyway :D! She knew where we came from, people stand on the escalator so made sure to tell us to keep to the right if you’re not going to walk down the stairs or get shoved down them. I always try to walk up/down them if I can…if anything it feels more fun than standing :D!
I agree with you, mel. 🙂 I’m not a snot or someone in a super hurry or anything, but I like to walk on them – same as the fast sidewalks in airports – you walk on those to get you there quicker, and you feel like you’re flying! I don’t think they’re meant as a break spot. But hey, welcome to North America, right?
http://www.360dewan.com/wp-content/uploads…
I remember when MicMac Mall used to have a clear box with a chewed up sneaker and some warning about care on escalators. I usually have my 2 girls with me so I will err on the side of caution and tell OP to take the fucking stairs.