What is it with some people?
It hit me like a ton of bricks the other day when we talked about our time as a couple, and I realized we only were together for about a year, maybe 18 months. This surprised me because that was a couple years ago now and it just seems like it’s been dragging on ever since. I have no interest in being with you, and you’re taken now, and that’s cool, but why do we still fight like a couple? You just wrote me a 15+ text re hashing all our issues from our relationship, telling me how horrible I supposedly was to you and what issues I have and whatnot, even speculating that I’m “still in love” with you (as IF! I dumped YOU remember?). What did I do to deserve this you might ask? I told you that I had ignored your calls and texts from earlier that night, because I, for some reason don’t know how to tell you I just don’t want to see you sometimes. I feel like it might have hurt your feelings. I could have just lied and said I didn’t have my phone on me or something, but I was honest and apologized and tried to explain to to you my mixed feelings about our “friendship”.
It’s pretty hard to be friends with an ex and we’ve made it work for the most part but sometimes I just can’t see you. I don’t want to. I guess I should have just lied. I was wrong for just ignoring the texts and I admitted it, and was honest about why, and you shit all over me. I’m done with this now. This isn’t worth the stress or hassle. Thanks for everything but I don’t need this. Never have. I guess everyone was right, you can’t really be friends with your ex. —Wishing You The Best
This article appears in Jan 19-25, 2012.
Going through the same bull-ish myself. Be glad you don’t have chirruns. Time to move on!
Agreed FS. Sorry to hear you’re also in that situation. It’s so crazy when it’s all said and done because you look back and realize how much time you wasted trying to make something work that was doomed to fail from the start.
They all the sudden start telling you how bad you sucked when they get a new partner, never mind the fact that they’ve been trying to get you back for ages, now that they’ve found someone who likes them they start to shit on you for “not knowing a good thing” or whatever. Bitch, you’ve been with your new guy for like 6 weeks. Give it time, he’ll eventually get sick of your needy craziness too, or not. Doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me just cuz we weren’t right for each other. I got enough friends that I haven’t been in relationships with, thanks
Real talk. And yet…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NthwJ8OmaWM
wrong for avoiding texts???
that’s the whole fucking point of them.
You fire off a message and they can check and maybe get back to you when it’s convenient for them….
isn’t that the point? you don’t HAVE to act like those twunts that think “oh if I don’t answer back within 1 minute, she’ll think I hate her, etc…”
texts are for convenience… or at least they should be.
cut ties. she sounds way too needy.
In the exact same situation myself. And it sounds like he/she DOES still want to be with you.. just so you know.
Distance might be a good idea. At least for now. I’ve made relationships with exes work but it takes time and often takes distance during that time.
Let it be what it is.. If you’re meant to be friends, it’ll happen.
It’s worse when they drop the ‘I’ll wait Forever!’ bomb. As if that’s supposed to inspire a sudden change of heart. It’s incredibly hard to get rid of some of these characters. You can either be harsh and try to drive them off, or try to let them down gently. Either way you choose, Good Luck!
Why be in a friendship that causes you so much trouble, OB? I’ve had friendships that were toxic for a variety of reasons, and it can be hard to let go because you think about all the good times and feel nostalgic and crap, but sometimes you just HAVE to let go.
I’ve never stayed friends with exes. I find I need to cut ties all together. Maybe it’s just the guys I’ve dated (I’ll admit, I’ve made some really poor choices), but even the one time we attempted to be friends, I found there was a growing resentment on my part because I broke up with him because he annoyed me (sooo clingy) and he was still into me and the clinginess never stopped and i was just so unhappy being his friend that I had to end the friendship — for his sake mostly. I felt bad for him being so heart broken and I know he’s much much happier without me in his life.
Maybe in the future I can stay friends with an ex (hopefully I won’t ever have any!). Who knows.
“It’s incredibly hard to get rid of some of these characters.” Yep
“I broke up with him because he annoyed me (sooo clingy) and he was still into me and the clinginess never stopped and i was just so unhappy being his friend that I had to end the friendship”
Yeah, I feel ya, how many fuckin times do you have to break up with the same person? That guy wasn’t so much into YOU, as he was just lonely and needy, once they find someone else to cling to they suddenly stop finding you so awesome. Meanwhile you’ve been trying to maintain a friendship that really benefits you in no way, that scares off potential lovers (no one likes to hear that you’re still great friends with your ex and see them all the time, red flag) and that just adds stress and complication to your life, all so they can just use you as a self esteem booster or just for something to do when they’re bored, until they find someone to put up with their shit, and all the sudden start trashing you.
So lemme get this straight, I broke up with you, you couldn’t go a day without texting me for a year, I try multiple times to get out of this deal but you don’t take no for an answer, AND NOW YOU WANNA TELL ME WHAT A CRAPPY BF I WAS?!!? SURE TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO FIGURE THAT OUT!!
Ya I wrote this bitch
“Maybe in the future I can stay friends with an ex (hopefully I won’t ever have any!). Who knows.”
Seriously, don’t fucking bother. Trust me
Aww Thomas!
You’re just a nice enough guy that you would end up in a situation like this. Thing with the cling-on is that he was actually in love with me. It took him 5 years to tell me this and after we got together I just realized he wasn’t for me. I might sound shallow when I say this, but I could never have an intelligent conversation with him (it was all jokes all the time — joking around and stuff and being silly is fun, but not when there’s no balance in there) because he wasn’t all that intelligent *wince*, physically he just didn’t do it for me, and he was clingy (as mentioned). I’m an only child — growing up I had to learn how to entertain myself. My parents both worked, so I had a lot of time to myself and I like that. I’m the type of person who stifles in relationships where someone’s there all the time. Sometimes I just don’t feel (physically) up to being with others (insulin makes you tired as fuck, yo and sometimes I just need a weekend in bed). So when I get emails from boyfriends all “I don’t think you’re really that into me” when I don’t email them back the same day, it just pisses me off and having a partner who pisses you off on a regular basis isn’t good for either of you. Basically, I follow my own schedule and I do what i want, when i want to. I’m not saying I won’t compromise, but I kinda like to follow the beat of my own drum. I need to find a guy like this.
In any event, I’m sure you’re not a shitty boyfriend, Thomas.
I’m the exact same way PK, and a lot of people will NEVER understand this. They think that if two people love each other they should NEVER grow tired of one another or be able to STAND being apart. I’ve seen many successful relationships, including my own parents, who give each other space and time to live their own lives. Needy, clingy people need to be with other needy clingy people and raise little clingy needy kids.
I don’t understand how someone can think that someone will NEVER want a day or two away from them. It’s pretty hard not to take someone for granted when they are around 24/7. All I ever wanted from her was a little time and space and to let me call HER sometimes. Doesn’t seem like such an outlandish request but to some people it really is. Had she been able to understand this we might still be together.
I’m just glad I can get on with my life now, and she with hers. She has a man for fucks sake, why is she still arguing about the issues we had 2 years ago? If I’m such an asshole why has it been so hard for you to get off my DICK for the last two years? Must be just a coincidence that now that she’s found a new bf and decides to tell me this shit.. Hilarious really. You should have SEEN these texts.. when she told me that she thought I was still in love with her I almost died laughing. It never occurs to some people that maybe they just aren’t all that desirable, or that they’re more trouble than they’re worth. If I wanted her back I had literally EVERY opportunity. So fuckin full of herself all the sudden.
I think I’m done now
All of Hub-Unit’s exes and I are very good friends, one in particular is actually my best friend – never held a grudge against an ex and remained friends with all except a few assholes. Keep on truckin’, kid, there’s some people you just don’t need.
“It never occurs to some people that maybe they just aren’t all that desirable” Preach.
Thanks Donk, did you follow me on Twitter?
Yes. I @-ed you something so I didn’t have to say my name here …
k.. I was going through my followers, all 37 of them or so, and I think I saw you, but it’s been a while since I checked my list, so I wasn’t sure. If it was you I msg’d you. Did you get it? It just said “Is that you Donk?” If it wasn’t you, whoever it was might be kinda confused lol.
… oh … I just googled this and you can’t see my @s cause you’re not following me … what kind of bullshit is that … Sooo yeah I changed that setting … look now …
MizzSmash … really … … lololol
Ok, I’m confused — have you been friends only since you broke up or were you still hooking up? Because still hooking up is another ball game all together.
Because if YOU broke up with HER and if at any time sex with you was meaningful (which it typically is when people who love or at least like each other) for her, it’s hard to get out of that mind set.
And the old saying does hold true, at least on a superficial level: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Could explain why she’s spewing all this bullshit at you that you were a shitty boyfriend.
if you dive into a relationship and it doesn’t work out… or course you’re not going to be able to get along afterward…
if you were actually good friends, knew each other… including NAMES, etc.. it would definitely be easier to stay friends afterward…
it just rarely ever happens that way.
I only have 1 ex I’m not still friends with, and there are 2 reasons. 1) I will never stop loving him and 2) he’s dead.
(I have 5 of them that I am in regular contact with (more than once a month), and 3 that I speak with less than once a month). And there’s “a lot of them” because I’m old, not because I am a whore. 🙂 OK, maybe I was a whore when I was younger. LOL
If you LIKE your ex as a *person*, were not totally enraptured by everything about them to the point of obsession, and they were not your first “great love”, it *is* entirely possible to stay friends with them, as long as both of you are mature people and have mutual respect.
Unfortunately that’s combination is not one that gets people into a relationship in the first place these days.
OB, if you’re a dude, your crazy ex girlfriend just wants your dick. If you’re a chick, he’ll settle for either of your three holes for a few minutes.
Na we haven’t slept together in a while. I just thought it was so funny that she tried to say I wasn’t good to her. Only makes her look stupid. If I wasn’t good why is it so damn hard for you to leave me alone? And why freak out when I say I don’t want to see you tonight? Why not just take a hint like a normal person that me not responding to multiple texts and calls means “FUCK OFF I DON’T WANNA TALK TO YOU”
I sure know how to pick ’em… I’ve heard some men say “when it comes to women: sane, hot, happy, pick two” I’m starting to believe it, as much as I don’t want to.
She really is the reason why I’m so reluctant to get into a relationship. Fuck, you meet someone and wake up 5 years later like wtf happened to my life..
Um why would she go on about how bad you are for her if you aren’t together?
Sorry, babe, but bitch still be into you, yo’. She probably doesnt have the same zing with her current bf and realizes how not over you she is and resents you for breaking up with her so she acts like a psycho bitch. And likely why she treats you like you’re still her bf.
Bitchez be all KINDSA crazy.
Always the romantic. Anybody else catch Sebbie on “The Dating Game” last week?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InF17l92Fbc
very good commander, man i miss that guy
You know what sucks more than psycho exes? It taking 90 minutes to get from spring garden/robie to robie/young on a friday night. Fuck you, winter.
they can be friends of a sort, but are better off as long distance targets. or maybe even a running one, get idea.
Dude, she has a bf.
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT SHE SAYS OR THINKS?
She’s not your problem now.
She’s. Not. Your. Problem. Now.
You don’t *owe* her your friendship, or anything else. If it helps you think you’re a Good Guy because you’re friends with your exes, LOSE THAT SHIT, NOW.
If she made your life hell while you dated, why is she worth being friends. You don’t need a collection of “friends” with whom you’ve slept. It doesn’t make you a nice guy, it makes you crazy, Tommy.
Move on.
Wpaul
Take it from a former psycho crazy bitch – sometimes the first cut is not only the deepest, it’s the one that gets infected and has to be cauterized, takes years to heal enough to be comfortable but will always, _always_ ache somewhat until the day you die.
During high school I had a boyfriend with whom and through whom I learned pretty much everything I know about sex, love, intimacy and just throwing everything to the winds. I breathed, ate, and slept for this guy and I blossomed and wilted on every shift in his mood. He treated me like a princess and delighted, it seemed, in almost everything I did.
I realize now that no boy should have this kind of sway over any girl, but he did over me. He didn’t even know it. I was prepared to do anything for him. When he dumped me after two and a half years, I was ready for the nuthouse. I could not fathom, much less accept, that all I had given him was not enough to keep him with me.
What had once been sweet and tender sentiment turned bitter and poisonous inside me. I could not stand him and, at the same time, could not stand being without him. For nearly twenty years afterwards, perhaps even now, I avoided him like the plague, and treated him like crap whenever our paths did cross, only because it was all I could do to keep myself from flinging myself at his feet begging him to come back.
Time passed and I formed a relationship with someone else, eventually marrying and settling down. It’s a happy marriage for the most part; neither of us is going anywhere and bedtime remains a treat. But abandoning myself to my passions the way I did back then is not an option for me anymore. As obsessive as this tale may sound, it’s not nearly the issue it used to be, and its hold – _his_ hold – on me fades with the passage of time.
Wow, Halkell, very well put.
I went through a similar situation in my late 20s—was dumped, badly for a good friend and next door neighbor—it took years, really to get over that.
I too, drank from that cup of bile.
I did get over it (thank goodness I never had to see him) and I got married. Aesop is not the passionate love of my youth; I, too, was not ready to ‘abandon myself to passionate love again.’
We’re comfortable, but our big issue is that he said he’d move to Canada with me—he was all like ‘wither thou goest’ and all before we tied the knot. We even researched where we should go (my family is mostly in Ontario, but that’s too flat for me) and came up with Halifax. So then I say let’s goeth and he goeth not…ah, but that’s a bitch for another day.
Point of this reply is that I am glad the dude dumped me all those years ago—I could write the SOB a thank you note, because if he hadn’t dumped me, I would never have gone back to school had great careers — I’d still be in the restaurant business with his sorry ass.
Don’t believe the hype that there is just one person out there meant for you. There are thousands, even millions of people with whom you could comfortably, even joyfully and passionately, share a happy life.
Yuck what a mess relationships can be. I am friends with most of my exes but most I don’t regularly hang out with or make a point to hang out with or anything, but we get along if we happen to be in the same place as we do have some of the same friends. One lad I do make a point to hang out with, but it’s not to really hang out so to speak.
I also hate when people are clingy and have to talk to or be with you at all times.. I used to think that’s what a regular relationship was but for some people it’s not. I was a latchkey kid and had the desire to do things on my own and entertain myself for most of my life and having to babysit and entertain another adult is not what I enjoy doing. I hate when people are bad with money and in turn, we can’t go out and do things like drinks, dinner or movies EVER. And also refuse to let me pay for said dinner or movie because that’s not what a “man” is supposed to do. Sooo okay, we’ll just sit here and do nothing while my resentment builds. Sitting in an apartment watching TV, movies, going for walks to the same parks and banging gets old really quick when it’s every day.
“I avoided him like the plague, and treated him like crap whenever our paths did cross, only because it was all I could do to keep myself from flinging myself at his feet begging him to come back. “
Interesting.
“Dude, she has a bf.
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE WHAT SHE SAYS OR THINKS?
She’s not your problem now.”
We’re supposed to be friends, WP.
She’s been talking this “friends” shit for the last year or so, calling me to entertain her and keep her company when she’s bored or whatever, and now that she’s in a relationship she wants to trash me about shit that happened 2 years ago, just because I ignored some texts and calls. I was even man enough to admit it to her. I’m sorry, do friends do this to each other?
I just feel really disrespected that I went out of my way to be there for her when no one else was out of the kindness of my heart, not because I WANTED anything or was getting anything from her. Not to say I didn’t enjoy her company or whatever but the “friendship” was making my life difficult and confusing. Yet another reason why being a nice guy is for suckers. Sometimes the only way to get someone to leave you alone is to make them hate you.
“I hate when people are bad with money and in turn, we can’t go out and do things like drinks, dinner or movies EVER. And also refuse to let me pay for said dinner or movie because that’s not what a “man” is supposed to do.”
lol you wanna take me out to the movies Mel? I’m currently broke, but not too proud to accept a charity date! I’ll eat before I leave the house, promise 😛
Anyways thanks a lot guys for the words. I really wasn’t tryin to put all this out there but I can’t help it sometimes. I’m just pissed off today cuz the stupid fuckin Patriots won on a stupid fuckin missed 32 yard fuckin stupid field goal by one of the best fuckin kickers in the fuckin leauge FUUUCK!UCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!? Pats fans can eat my shit with a knife and fork if they wanna brag about that bullshit ass win. Now they get to go to the superbowl having beaten 1 team with a winning record all season, and they needed a miracle for that to even happen.
Don’t even wanna watch the Superbowl now. *pouts*
Ooh Halkell, you’re a nice read.