Lover, you ain’t trying.
On average, you’ll have The Sex with me once a month. That’s 12 times a year. If every time was a great time, well, it’d be plenty.
But the quality –
In the two and a half years we’ve been dating, you’ve gone down on me twice. Fair enough – maybe it’s not your thing – and, you know what, I can live without it. But the concept of foreplay, any and all, seems beneath you, because when you do get around to giving me my monthly poking, your approach is, without fail, as follows:
1. Insert penis into vagina
2. Thrust
3. Ejaculate
4. Withdraw penis from vagina.
I bored myself just writing that.
I love you, but your minimalist approach to ‘love-making’ just isn’t working for me. Sometimes you barely even touch me during the act; you just lie on your back and stretch your arms out. Comfortable, dear?
(On that note: I’m tired of being on top. When did cowgirl become the only position? We used to have at least three in our repertoire. Let’s spice it up with some missionary!)
You say you love me, you’re still attracted to me, blah blah blah.
So what is it? Work? Stress? Depression? Someone Else? A Kink? Low Libido? Too much porn? Too little? Talk to me! Tell me what it is! I’ve been asking you for a year now, and you keep telling me that there is no problem. Well, damn it, there is.
Because, right now, my best guess is that you’re just a lazy fucking lover. I’m actually nostalgic for the days of yore, when my sex life wasn’t on the list of things that depress me.
Monogamy shouldn’t be this dry. —Girlparts getting dusty
This article appears in Jan 9-15, 2014.
Ever think he might be gay?
I think your best guess is the right one. He sounds lazy to me.
when you love someone, this should not be an issue. you will still be in it for him. it seems you don’t truly love him as much as you hope.
my man does not like to go down on me, even though i miss it, it’s fine. i enjoy going down on him every time. when he never does it to me it’s okay because i love him 🙂
Sex shouldn’t be a spectator sport for either partner. How can one not enjoy magnificent labia?
And yet two years later you’re still with him.
Cheat?
And nobody knows lazy like Wheels. Lol, ya douchebag!!!!
A guy that doesn’t go down on a long term girlfriend? Gay. I don’t mean that as an insult either. Just a simple fact.
Kinda sounds like he’s been eaten out.
After reading this, I applied the skills I learnt(ed) at this one establishment:
http://gawker.com/lets-all-go-to-a-british…
Dear Girl Parts,
it’s obvious to every reader, (and, i suggest you re-read your post with a bit of detachment), that it’s true, your partner doesn’t have a problem… even after repeatedly asking. The problem is with you. You have the problem. He seems quite satisfied with the intercourse he’s having. While boring to you, it’s not to him. You are bored, not him…..
Get it yet?!?
You need to step it up and be honest with your desire. If you keep wishing it’ll magically change with wishes alone…. or with this ‘poor me’ post, nothing will ever change. Nothing. Never. Take charge of your life and quite waiting for others to do it for you.
btw, i really don’t get men who don’t ‘rise’ to the occasion when it comes to sex…. all of it… in every way. It baffles my mind.
Aside from TMI… I’d start buying batteries in bulk.
Unless you get some of those sexy dice or something to shake things up,
you’re gonna need em.
The guy is gay (and getting his rocks off elsewhere). Nothing wrong with this and ALL guys who use the term ”bi” are gay but afraid to tell their partner/mother/family/friends.
The term ”Bi” is used by men-turned-on-by-men-but-date-girls-so-others-will-not-know-they-are-gay.
Approach him with the topic of his gayness in a supportive way and eventually he will be relieved to have this off his chest and then be more honest with you. The key thing here is will you be able to handle the truth?
so you are dating, not living together. ESCAPE while you can!
SEX AS A SPECTATOR SPORT
RSVP Klyde (01/15, 7:43PM)
“How can one not enjoy magnificent labia?”
There appears to be a certain ambiguity in your use of the word “enjoy” in respect to your claim that sex shouldn’t be a spectator sport for either partner. The ambiguity arises in respect to the recognition that one’s partner’s labia are, indeed, “magnificent.”
The question is, just how is one to make the attribution that one’s partner’s labia are magnificent while they are not in full view at the time which, of course, precludes simultaneous intercourse whether of the missionary or cowgirl variety. In other words, to attribute magnificence to one’s partner’s labia requires visual contemplation as opposed to penetrative copulation. This is not to say that copulation need not follow upon such contemplation. It is simply to insist that they cannot, by their nature, be simultaneous activities. The unavoidable conclusion is that sex, at least initially, might well be a spectator sport.
Thank you.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
P.S. New avatar alert!
RSVP
MontrealMan (01/16,11.33AM)
The reason why I stated….How can one not enjoy magnificent labia? It seems that OP states that her man has no problem getting ministrations from her but it isn’t reciprocated….so from that point one could presume that he doesn’t find labia magnificent. If he did he wouldn’t hesitate to view and enjoy her labia in it’s glory prior to and as a precursor to intercourse. It may be ambiguous in my opinion….but I wouldn’t let a glorious moment like that lapse, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t either.
As a side note…I’m running out of clean shirts keeping up with your new avatars, lol. I still enjoy your avatars….but not as much as magnificent labia.
If my man didn’t “enjoy my labia” in all aspects, it would be a deal breaker. Life is too short to not have a fulfilling sex life! Any man who doesn’t enjoy orally pleasuring his woman is either gay or… Gay. Yeah I said it 🙂
Perhaps allow him to do some ass to mouth with you? That should spice things up.
I heard Radio Shake had to terminate the Battery of the Month Club due to MLF’s stealing their child’s BOTMC card for batteries of their adult toys.
A girls gotta get her rocks off too.
And here, class, we can pinpoint the exact moment when the Lovely Nurse Hezz added Montrealman to her list of LTWWB Stalkers/Admirers.
RSVPS
: Klyde (01/16, 11:51AM)
I see your point. Since the OP’s ministrations are not reciprocated one could indeed conclude that “he doesn’t find labia magnificent.” However, your observation, while valid as far as it goes, does not go far enough. Put differently, your perspective is from the particular – the OP’s particular labia and/or the particular views of her boyfriend in respect to those particular labia or even to labia generally – but, as I’m sure you will agree, my observations are always theoretical, general and sometimes even philosophical in nature. In other words, I was not concerned with the OP’s labia as such nor with the idiosyncratic nature of her boyfriend’s views about them but rather with labia as they exist in the mind of God. You might call them Platonic labia prefer, labia as they exist in their idealized form.
A final point: What is the connection between my new avatars and your soiled shirts? Are you sure you are taking them as they were intended, i.e., as nuggets of wisdom?
: Col. Ivan Sonofabitch (01/17, 7:12AM)
The Lovely Nurse Hezz, in my view, was making a general claim about the relationship between her labia, cunnilingus, and a fulfilling sex life. However, I could be wrong but only she can throw light on whether or not she has added me to her list of LTWWB Stalkers/Admirers and whether she desires to be fulfilled by my loving ministrations. Nurse Hezz, are you there?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
RSVP
MontrealMan (01/17, 9.19AM)
You’re right on the point that OP’s b/f might not find (her) labia magnificent, but if one doesn’t explore labia, how would one ever know if they were indeed magnificent or not. I understand your reasoning in which a person can view labia in an esthetic way for it’s beauty without it being sexual. In regards to OP, he is just a spectator being completely selfish and self centered for his own gratification without any regard for her pleasure. If all he wants is intercourse, it shouldn’t be one sided for oral stimulation (if she chooses to do that by free will, that’s fine) but the expectation shouldn’t be there for her to do that without reciprocation.
I learn some history from your avatars, in essence like nuggets of wisdoms. You change them so fast that I have to do laundry more often. It was an analogy to how quick you change them. By the way, when can I expect the next nugget of wisdom?
RSVP
: Klyde (01/17, 9:51AM)
Right now!
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
RSVP
MontrealMan (01/17, 10.45AM)
DOH….another shirt. I believe I have a 1935 or 1936 Canadian silver dollar depicting King George ll on it that would be a nice addition to your 1935 bills.
RSVP
: Klyde (01/17, 3:45PM)
A Canadian silver dollar depicting King George II? He died in 1760! It sounds like it might be very valuable! LOL!
But I can do King George II. Would you to see him?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
RSVP
Montrealman (01/17, 4.48PM)
My correction my dear man, I should have checked prior to posting, I have in my hand a 1935 Canadian silver dollar with 2 voyageurs in canoe paddling past an island and on the obverse side a King who I presumed was king George II. I now retract my previous statement. The inscription says ” GEORGIVS V REX IMPERATOR ANNO REGNI XXV. Sorry for my buffoonery on this matter.
Holy fuck Myra, pushover much? Sounds like the man you love controls you a bit.
I don’t understand how one partner can expect and sit there receiving oral sex but not reciprocate.
Look to all you people bitching about bad sex, here’s the reality.
The first time you have sex with someone, at least the first few times… they’re on top of their game here. This is the BEST it’s going to get.
Most couples’ sex lives go downhill over time. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is.
Tell me op, are YOU doing anything to spice up your love life? Or is the onus on HIM ONLY? Do you say “ok let’s have sex tonight”? Or do you initiate it when you want it and make that part of the whole missing foreplay thing?
Maybe you’re doing all of this. But it just seems to me that it takes two for a sex life to completely stagnate.
Anything worth doing is worth doing well every time.
AVATAR ALERT!
RSVP
Klyde (01/17, 5:23PM)
Yes, the inscription on your silver dollar reads, “GEORGE V KING EMPEROR IN THE TWENTY FIFTH YEAR OF HIS REIGN” in which, as it happened, he died. However, my interest is in older coins, one of which I have posted as a new avatar as I previously promised (01/17, 4:48PM).
Ordinarily I usually first post my pictures on my Facebook page, with complete explanation of course, and then copy it to Bitch. Today however marks a reversal of the procedure which, in my view is historic.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
RSVP
Montrealman (01/18, 9.07AM)
Your 1745 King George II half crown is impressive. My repertoire of coins is limited. In addition to the 1935 King George V silver dollar, I have a 1951, 1956, 1957 and 1958 silver dollar commemorating British Columbia as well as having a 1922 American peace silver dollar. I have other coins but haven’t gone through them. I believe the oldest coin I have is a 1904 Canadian 50 cent piece. These coins I inherited from my Grandfather.
From your description of your coin, I take it that British forces invaded Peru, hence Lima being inscribed on half crown. Correct me if I’m wrong. It’s nice to have a friend on here who is into coins. We must do coffee sometime to show and discuss coins, if not get your carcass down from Montreal and enlighten us with your presence at a Summit. In addition to showing coins, I will grace your eyes with that vision of loveliness that was my French teacher.
RSVP
Klyde (01/18, 9:39AM)
No, the “British forces” didn’t invade Peru. It was just another “freebooter” plundering the Spanish Main. The “Lima” inscription was simply to celebrate the source of the Spanish silver.
It is unlikely that I will be able to make it to the next Summit but if I do I think I might be able to present a three-hour slide show featuring my various pursuits which are by no means limited to old coins and paper money. Perhaps you have some slides of your lovely French teacher. Perhaps we could combine our efforts!
I think it would be a smash hit! Ivan could play the violin accompaniment!
New avatar alert!
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Nurse, let me enjoy your labia while you enjoy a nicely rolled cigga-weed.
Damn, I bet you taste like a mixture of honey, kittens, Summer and bacon.