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Ever known a narcissist? They will verbally and emotionally abuse you, using put downs, criticisms and insults. Then when you stand up for yourself they become unglued and attemp to say you are the toxic one. —No excuses
This article appears in Mar 3-9, 2016.
5 Comments
But that isn’t the definition of a narcissist…
I would guess that the person is not a “narcissist” but is very insecure about something. Insecure people try to boost their own self-esteem by pointing out everyone else’s faults and they also use criticism to control others.
Some of them focus on a specific thing like appearance and critique everyone else’s because that is what they are most insecure about. But if someone is insecure about their relationship to you they will find many things to critique in an effort to control that relationship.
So, try to keep in mind that the put-downs are not about you but really about the person delivering them. That’s the main reason why people can go from being as sweet as can be to being really nasty in a relationship. They are insecure for some reason and try to make the other person equally insecure.
In the workplace you can simply ignore and show no reaction to these people. Hopefully, hey will get the message. But if you are in a personal relationship, you need to talk to them and try to get to the root of their insecurity. At the very least it might help them be more aware of themselves.
Good luck!
Narcissism by definition is a crippling condition of insecurity, where subjects desperately feel unloved and unacceptable.
Confident people cannot be narcissists, though they can be assholes.
That’s a good way to look at narcissistic people, OP. That’s typically narcissistic behaviour that you’ve described. I suppose, though, it begs the question, “Well, what are you going to do about it?”
In my own experience, narcissists won’t change their behaviour or their attitudes. They don’t see other people as being real, but like action figures in their diorama. Fall over or change your pose and watch an N go off in a rage or a meltdown of martyrdom or passive-aggressive behaviour until you get right back where they feel you belong. The only way, really, to win against a narcissist or sociopath is not to play. DTMFA, OP, if they’re an intimate partner. Make yourself really boring to them – not submitting to their whims, but not giving them anything to use against you.
Haha, I guess narcissists of LTWWB don’t like being told they’re insecure. Truth hurts. Can I get another dislike!