So I’ve tolerated Lady Gaga. I’ve tolerated Kris Allen and Adam Lambert. I’ve tolerated every machine-made, metallic, soulless spawn of the record companies and their ilk thus far. But here, HERE, is where I draw the line. The motherfucking line. Right here. How this anathema ever made it to the radio is lightyears beyond me. It is the most elementary piece of dross I have ever had the displeasure to let grace my ears, which happen to bleed profusely at the very onset of this din. It is the ossified by-product of satan’s flatulence. It is the stool in the bowels of the music industry – the very kind of churned out, digested oatmeal that will make 2012 come two years early, turn Chuck Norris into a woman, and make Jesus a homosexual leprechaun. It will also bring Billy Mays back from the dead, and trust me, we don’t want that.
So radio MC’s, DJ’S, PJ’s – all of you – I beg you from the bottom of my acid burnt heart, I plead with you with the unremitting snivel of a 12th century serf, I beseech you like a nun trapped in a Brazilian discothĂ©que: Purge your databases of this monstrosity before I pull a Chris Crocker to 8th power on my own behalf. I will do it. You won’t like it.
—Dino
This article appears in Feb 4-10, 2010.
I don’t think so…
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.
They bleed for a week as a result.
If Chuck Norris looks a woman in the eye, she instantly becomes impregnated, but virtually always dies as the baby punches its way out of the womb.
On topic, we needed a whole bitch about the horrible music that makes you want to shoot yourself in the face… 🙂
Hear Hear Dino!
Best Bitch of the Day (even though I have no clue which “artist” you’re talking about)
BTW, Dino, I *love* your imagery. Fabulous!
LEAVE THEM ALONE…… LEAVE EM ALONE!
THEY’RE GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME WHERE NO DECENT MUSIC IS BEING PRODUCED…
ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOURSELF…
*sob*
Mindsnap… google the title of the bitch and all will be clear.
I don’t mind them but I don’t listen to the radio so they aren’t shoved down my throat.
I listed to velvet revolver all day.
Yup, googled it, and they fall under the category of “drunken dance music”
I thought everyone knew that these guy’s only sound good when they’ve been fully processed by a decent recording studio’s full sound engineering team !
Listen to them play anywhere live…& the milli, vanelli quality of their “music”* is there for all to see !!!!
Which really scuks because i liked the song “I got a feeling”, its just they can’t actually do that song, without the magic that is available in a modern recording studio.
*I appologise profusely for insulting music by associating their offensive noise with actual music !*
This bitch, sir Dino, was pure art. Perhaps you could sell it to Jay-Z and have it reach the Billboard charts.
Actually, Fergie does a kick-ass version of Barracuda by Heart, and yes, it’s another cover, but it’s excellently done. The girl’s got chops.
Too bad she’s doing shite music, but if that’s what you have to do to make enough money to start doing the stuff you want to, we can’t fault them.
Oh, wait, yes we can, lots of excellent singers/musicians didn’t sell out…
yeah, I saw them at the garden… they weren’t that bad.
Most though… yeah. if they can make paris hilton sound on key then they can pretty much dazzle anyone up.
As far as I am concerned, if you can’t stay on key singing a capella, go learn to play an instrument. 🙂
Gidget’s spot on. Although tell that to the people they get to sing the national anthem at the hockey games.
Lady Gaga….I just tossed my cookies.
how many ladies on here play the meat whistle?
jonnoman:
A friend of mine got a call to do the anthem at the Rogers Center – they wanted her to record with music in studio first, then to replay her back in an ear bud when she was live so she could “stay in tune”.
She told him if she couldn’t sing the national anthem without assistance, they should find someone else. They did. He sucked ass, and he used the ear bud.
Well, at least he kept a constant going- anything that represents Toronto at a sporting event sucks ass. Obviously some of that would be attributed to nerves though. It’s always hit or miss come game time. I’ve seen some real disasters when it comes to the national anthem, yet seen some extremely empowering interpretations as well.
Steering off-course for a moment, how exactly did your friend get on a list in the first place? Always wondered what it took to actually make it onto the ice/field/court. Unless, of course, you’re Carrie Underwood at the Super Bowl…. *drool……babble….drool*
awww… jonno wants to be the 3rd zambonie driver doesn’t he?
they won’t let you play in the timbits game so that’s about the best you’re gonna get.
🙂
Gosh . . . just heard it now . . .
Starts out with some irritating repetitive thing going over and over about a million times. . . and then SURPRISE! It shifts over to something else even more irritating and repetitive but yet still KINDA DIFFERENT. WOW! What a song!
Sounds like something that would be entertaining to those disturbed children who find really, really, really repetitive noises soothing.
I hate critiquing crap music because there’s always someone who tells ya that it is just because I am “too old.”
Sigh!
. . .
BUT THIS *IS* CRAP!! YOU STUPID KIDS WHO THINK THIS IS MUSIC!!! IN MY DAY WE HAD . . . WHAT??? HEY!!! –– GET OFF MY LAWN!!!
There! I’ve said it! And I feel SO much better now!
Imma be . . . Imma be . . . Imma be . .
OMFG… thanks so much Ruby. You had to go and raise some intrigue as to how bad this song actually is. That “imma be…imma be” is engrained in my head now… great. Just like a cancer.
Haha.. and I love how rappers can say n*gger like it’s endearing. LOL
dino, you haven’t hit rock bottom yet. when you do,you will know it, that would be when c&w sounds good to you. then you know you can’t go any further down, than that.
I don’t get it…
smok’n in the boys room:motley crue (brownsville station) 🙂
imma be……BANG…..phew all over FUCK IT SUCKS
my kid actually thought the lame fuckers were saying “I’m a Bee” hahaha jesus…..i can make better music with my phone and a pot.
Black Eyed Peas aren’t entirely bad. In the beginning they had ‘Where Is The Love’, which if you all remember was a halfway decent song. Unfortunately their music has gone progressively down the tubes ever since….which…I have no real objections to.
oh my pretties, you must hear the absolute distilation of ALL that is evil and Satanic in these, the end times…I give you Teen Hearts…google it, you’re welcome…makes BEP’s seem like Mozart and Gaga like Nietzsche
Holy shit…Teen Hearts made leeches pour from my ears! Wow!
Lady Gaga is a classically trained pianist, and (apparently) creates and plays many of her own synth loops and riffs…In addition, she has (apparently) been singing and dancing in musical plays etc since she was a small child.
Not sure if she quailfies as “souless record company spawn” like some others…and certainly not comparable to one of these song-contest winners like the adam lambert fella…
In addition, when stripped of all her outlandish costuming and make-up…she is just a normal looking gal, not a “pin-up” a la Jessica Simpson etc etc
I would have thought, given all that, she would have less criticism from other females…guess I thought wrong, because she sure gets bashed a lot…
I guess these days to be a “cool” female entertainer, especially here in Canada, you have to sit at open mic night with hairy pits, an out-of-tune 6 string and sing mopey songs about your boring life, and how you’re “really” a lesbian (inside)..
*yawn*
Lady Gaga >>>>>>>>>>> BEP.
You know, I can’t help it. It’s sick, it’s twisted, it’s immoral, it’s just plain wrong, but…
I loves me some Lady Gaga. Her songs are absurdly catchy no matter how many times I hear them and I’m delighted by her quirky fashion sense.
There, I said it. It feels so good to finally get that secret out in the open. Now the healing can begin.
LIFE SUCKS, if you are referring to the new generation of C&W I am totally in agreement with you, however, some of the classic C&W from such greats as Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings and Merle Haggard are about as genuine of a piece of music as you will ever find. Please don’t lump these greats in the sorry pile of garbage that is spewed out nowadays on Country radio.
teen hearts…. wow.
Perhaps you shouldn’t be lead singer if you have a lisssssssssthp
just sayin.
Ath long ath you don’t thing any thongth with etheth in them, you’ll be thuper fantathtic.
Actually, I lost a lisp because of singing (my speech therapist started me on the musical path), not sure how it’s possible to keep one?
On an unrelated note, what asshole put two “s”s in “Thpeech Therapitht”?
haha… speech impediments suck. Mine led me to be the horrible person I am today. One of my good friends (when I was, like, 7 or 8) used to get me to say the word “pizza” and fall on the floor laughing. Funny enough, I had to go live in France to lose mine. I must have caused early retirement for so many speech therapists up until then.
I like “Where is the Love” and “I Gotta Feelin”
That’s it.
Yeah well, a much much classier “Where is the Love?” was written and recorded by late 90’s Halifax funk band sweet tooth…and heard HERE*
http://stage.cbcradio3.com/#/bands/SWEET-T…
* plus much superior keyboards, and that’s a fact!
Aah, shameless self-promotion, BMR? If so, I love it. LOL
I still don’t understand what Dino was rambling about.
me neither…