I just need to get this out, and I can’t think of any other place suitable for such a rant than the bitch board. So here goes (and let the flaming begin):

I’m so fucking sick and tired of being sick. And not sick with the flu or a cold, I’m talking chronically sick. I’m fed the fuck up with it. I don’t know from day to day how I’m going to feel which is bullshit because I do everything right. Yet still I can’t eat anything (Oh, great. Tuna, chicken, apples and rice. GREAT diet there. How tasty!) because who knows what it’ll do to me. I also exercise, yet I still feel like crap a good 1/3 of the time. I’m sick and fucking tired of being a pincushion too (the fist-size bruise on my abdomen from hitting a vein sure is aesthetically pleasing). I’m sick of having to follow the same schedule every frigging day (I’d, just once, like a fucking weekend off). I’m sick of never being able to sleep in because hey I could end up going into a coma. I’m sick of not being able to just crash whenever because I have to stick myself yet again at a certain time.

I’m also sick on having to rely on others when I go into shock unexpectedly and the worry it causes my family. It kills me how concerned my mother is about this whole mess. And the physical “hurt” going into shock causes? Yeah, I’m pretty sick of that shit too. Waking up at 3 am absolutely drenched in a cold sweat and hardly being able to string three words together to call for help sure is fan-fucking-tastic.

And even though I’m doing everything right and even though blood tests PROVE I’m doing everything right, I still wake up with a spot on my eye. Who knows wtf THAT is—so, here I go, taking MORE time off work to see my eye specialist who’ll likely tell me the nerves in my eye are starting to fuck up. GREAT.

Most of all, though, I’m just sick of not being normal. And I feel guilty and bad for those around me who have to deal with me being fucking consumed with this fucking disease. I really wish it didn’t have to be like that, and I’m sorry for those who have to put up with me. —Fed Up LTWWBer

This article appears in Mar 10-16, 2011.

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64 Comments

  1. Ouch, that sucks OB. Diabetes?

    Are you doing your own research into treatments?

    Don’t think of it as “put up with”, they do it because they care for you.

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  4. speak for yourself… I’m pretty sure sebastard doesn’t.
    I wasn’t sure if it’s her or not.

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  5. I know a guy with type 1 – also gluten intolerance and has celiac disease – I honestly think it’s the kind of thing that permeates every aspect of a person’s life. The frustration of four injections a day and all these ‘do not’s sometimes makes him snappy and nasty but I can hardly blame the poor man. It’s a tough go, no matter which way you slice it. I sympathize with your situation, OP.

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  6. Thanks for the kind words, guys. I had a really bad night/morning and was completely drained/frustrated when I wrote this (which was right after I decided I had to call in sick to work, and since I’m contract right now I get to lose a whole day’s pay! yay!). The past month or so hasn’t been great and all that culminated with waking up on Saturday with a spot on my eye that since hasn’t disappeared. I’m scared shitless that my optic nerves are starting to crap out (though I’m probably overreacting — but my dad is losing HIS sight and it’s a hard thing to watch). So, a pretty rough weekend and today/last night just took the cake.

    I just feel bad about having to annoy others with all this crap. I hate having to bring things up over and over again and I just feel like I’m bothersome, sometimes. I just don’t want to have to rely on others. And I hate having to explain why I can’t do this that or the other thing because I’ve had a sugar low, or that I’m overly irritated some day because my sugar is up (or overly sensitive to the stupidest thing — crying over things most people would find ridiculous and insignificant — and trust me, I cognitively know these things are stupid, but I can’t help it! and then i just feel stupid and embarrassed). And sometimes it feels like that’s all my life is *sigh*

    Anyway, again, thanks. I really wasn’t looking for any of this — I just needed to vent. This is a nice surprise from all of you 🙂

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  7. I really sympathize with you OP. Hang in there!

    (I don’t think it’s PK…she was away the other weekend and eating stuff that this person sounds like they can’t eat – so I don’t think it is our Kitty)

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  9. So Sorry Kitty!!!!!! Hope you’re feeling better soon!! I can’t imagine going through all this! xoxoxox

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  11. You aren’t alone sweet thang, and neither are the folks who love you and would willingly storm the gates of hell on your behalf. Screeeeeee

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  13. Your comments shine light on the bullshit i complain about every day and come on this board to listen to other bullshit.

    It was a dose of reality to make me think twice before i open my big mouth about something and i truly hope that you can work through the pain.

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  15. *Hugs*…and rest assured you’re not a bother to any of your loved ones. It’s not like it’s your fault or something you can avoid. I hope your vision returns to normal!

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  17. Don’t feel guilty for hurting, PK. Cut yourself some slack on that. We’re all human, and humans have shitty body things sometimes.
    I want a day off today too. Wouldn’t be cool if we could ditch out shite bodies for a day and do what we really want…

    Oop! Reality just bit me on the ass.
    Feel better, PK.

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  18. sonds pretty fucking serious to me o.p.,myoplastic something or other maybe? not sure what your docs are telling you, but from what i have read, there is some fucking thing wrong. this reminds me of someone close to me. she had a fall, had and has blackouts sometimes, and no doctor knows what it is. just fucking wonderful. and these guys go to college for what, the fucking dope and booze parties, that seem to never end? my fucking jesus, what does a person have to do, die, and then they would probly say it was only a minor ache.

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  19. Maybe its a cat alergy ~;)

    But I really do hope you get better soon.
    (if you get an overwhelming urge to eat pasta…that’s just the FSM trying his best for you.)
    I wouldn’t wish what you described on an enemy…I’d rather have the satisfaction of stomping on them myself.

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  21. Doggie kisses to you PK… I know from friend’s experiences that chronic what-nots suck the celestial banana… vent away my friend… you listened to me rage against the machine… the least I can do is return the favour. Cheers!

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  22. Thanks again, guys.

    If anyone’s interested in a mini-bitcher’s summit, I’m thinking of this sunday… lunch or drinks or something. ‘gasmatron’s in…. anyone else?

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  24. my arm is starting to hurt a bit there kitty, don’t twist so hard dammit. you is a strong lil sucker, aint you?

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  32. Oooh oooh! My mom makes this, mama9! She hasn’t in a while, so I might remind her of it!

    I’m juvenille too 🙁 It stinks. I’d much rather be T2. A lot easier (and usually cheaper) to pop a few pills a day as opposed to inject 5-7 needles a day.

    Was the diagnosis (I’m assuming one of your kids?) recent? It’s not the end of the world, and while there are some bad days, there are also (a lot more) good days too. THe learning curve can be daunting (I’m still learning new things after 10 years), but staying on top of dr appoints and insisting on going to the DEC is crucial! I feel amazing after a visit to the DEC. They’re so supportive and helpful and are really there to help you (except nurse ratchet. she’s there to yell at you *angryface*).

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  34. Ummm…maybe smitty’s on SGR around noon (12:15-ish according to my bus! to be exact) for brunch?

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  35. Sounds good. If Brendon’s going then, for your sake, I have to. He’ll talk your ear off if you give him half a chance. >; )

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  36. Alright, it’s all set: smitty’s. SGR. 12:15-ish. brunch. All bitchers’re welcome 🙂 (and welcome to bring guests too :)).

    (PS: we’d love to see some ralmn, FA, melectric, Donk, RC, zed, LS, PG, NGF, etc… action as well if y’all are interested too :))

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  41. I would love to! Got a weekend-long date the the boy toy (which starts tonight – yahoo!), so we’ll see what in the game plan for Sunday 😀

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  42. Well, hmmm… ok guys, some of you don’t know what any of us look like so… Oh, I’ll be wearing a bright pink sweater with an asymmetrical turtle neck. Can’t miss me 🙂

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  47. I’ll be there with my OWN collaborate of insanely outspoken hooligans thank you very much. And I JUST may wear my bright pink sweater with a an obtuse turtle neck AND maladroit hat.

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  50. LOL Donk & Z3. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. If I can I’ll let you know via FB there Miss Kitty. And if I can then I’m making Z3 come with me…so there goes your cover …..the guy in the funny glasses with the Fat chick next to him eating 2 plates of pancakes….Sorry I don’t look good in hats…and the only costumes that fit are fruit of the loom characters.
    http://melissadesa.files.wordpress.com/200…

    I’ll have to be the Apple so you and Jonno can flip for the others.

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  52. Pfft, yo’ name wasn’t on that list anyway, jonno! So go ahead! Have your own summit! I’ve already claimed all the cool people 😛

    PS: sorry ’bout that 🙁

    Hay guys, think Sebastard’ll give us bus goers a lift to the summit? He’s always SO concerned about those of us having to rely on public transit!!!

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  53. Bahahaha… Donk got to it before me. That said, yeah, I’ll be whatever the fuck that thing is on the right.

    It looks like something you’d find in a pair of Depends the morning after my great-great-grandmother had tacos for supper.

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  55. It’s gonna be a real lemonparty y’all. Don’t do it!
    DONT DO IT!
    I warned you, heh heh heh.

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  56. Gonna be fun. We can all sit with laptops and post on the board, while not talking to each other!

    Kidding! I will be resplendent in black wheelchair and some clothing or something.

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  57. You SURE you didn’t go to Acadia, wheelie? LOL

    We used to take our laptops to friends’ houses and parties and sit there and talk to each other on msn.

    Loooosers, much? hahaha

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  58. ah ha i found your crazy meeting at smittys thread. erm maybe maybe not depending on whether or not i can find a voice disguiser so you cant work out who i am.

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