Yesterday, I worked as a traffic control person as a favor for the manager. Normally, five days a week, I work cozily in an air-conditioned office at my desk typing away on a computer, so I am not well accustomed with the trials and tribulations that take place on a traffic control site.

The temporary worksite was at a very busy intersection directing traffic around six large construction trucks, of whose employees I was there to protect. Most people (myself included) are well aware, roadwork construction is a huge inconvenience to say the very least.

When I got ready for work yesterday morning, in addition to the required personal protective equipment, which includes a pair of steel-toed boots, that are probably the last thing you would want to have on your feet when standing in one spot all day, I wore a smile. A real and genuine smile. I was truly hoping that my smile would be reciprocated more often than not because my outlook is generally rosy and I am of the belief that you get what you give. For the most part, my smile was mirrored and to those people who returned my simple gesture (some even waved) thanks!
To the rest; seriously what is the hurry? I feel sorry for you actually; I feel a deep pang of sadness for the drivers who cursed me out as they blew on by, as if I was singlehandedly responsible for ruining their day and setting them back 5 minutes of their time. There were people honking their horns incessantly as they waited in line, as if the noise alone would turn the paddle from stop to slow, when in reality there is absolutely nothing that can turn that paddle except for the all clear from the rest of the crew on site. There were more than a few people who pretended not to see my stop sign despite my every effort less hurling my entire being in front of their vehicle to get them to obey.

We as humans need to practice patience and kindness. Anyone who knows me, knows that I didn’t get that virtue (patience, not kindness) and that I have a very real and true anxiety when it comes to waiting and also for being late. I get incredibly nervous when I am going to be late for anything, this includes an uncontrollable shakiness, an increased heart rate, essentially a mini panic attack, so believe me when I say that I have an honest sympathy for those people who find themselves on the wrong side of my stop/slow paddle. Still, I can’t rid myself of the sheer disappointment in humanity I have, as a result of motorists bellowing at me, a complete stranger, working on the side of the road. My question to you frantically hurried people is this; can you imagine what that worksite would have looked like if my crew was not on site yesterday, and the work continued on without us? Let me tell you this, a wife and children could and most definitely would be without a husband today, a mother without a son, a niece or nephew without a favorite uncle, a softball team without a coach etc. & etc., the cause and effect goes on and on. All of the workers on that site are also contributing members in our community, we pay taxes, we have lives, loved ones and other places to be and most certainly other things to do, yet we are planted firmly on the site to protect you and everyone else who passes through to ensure that ultimately you and I both get to where we are going safely. Next time you see me or any traffic control person on the road remember that a smile and a wave could make someone’s day, that we didn’t wake up this morning with a vendetta to destroy your day.

Traffic control is a dangerous and mostly thankless job but somebody has to do it, there is no doubt about it. While we are busy protecting you, protect our dignity by not cursing at us, and show us a common decency, because after all when we aren’t playing in traffic, we are one of you too.

The next time you are unfortunate enough to find yourself temporarily, yet abruptly halted on the wrong side of a stop/slow paddle, please remember it’s only temporary, after all. Smile and wave. —White Rabbit

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39 Comments

  1. oh fuck off. you are a glorified traffic cone. being a traffic cone is pretty awesome though especially if it’s an orange one.

  2. Some people are in such a rush…they fail to stop to smell the roses sometimes….OP, you have a thankless job but people who smile and wave make the day go better….when I get to a stop sign at construction site, I shut car off and listen to tunes…I’m in no hurry and as slow sign comes up I wave or bow my head to them…Good job OP.

  3. “I was truly hoping that my smile would be reciprocated more often than not because my outlook is generally rosy and I am of the belief that you get what you give.” – You don’t give just in order to receive something in return, OB. You give for the sake of giving. ‘Give in order to get’ is a cope out, a halfway point, for those who don’t actually want to give anything away freely.

    Don’t smile at people just so you can get one in return. Smile at people so that they receive one from someone, ‘rosy’ up their day if you will.

    Your post was needlessly long, and you touched on innumerable irrelevant subjects (Paying taxes? Community contribution?)

  4. hey ivan how’d you guess my cosplay costume from last year? don’t steal my idea man i worked hard on that. ma gave me her bingo winnings for a case of self tanner. unfortunately i had to go with orange paint. i promised to pay her back but i ran out of hand lotion and had to buy cheeseburgers and pudding cups for the bitch i met off the dirty. it was off the cone as i like to say. good thing ma charges me rent in foot rubs.

  5. Nice post OP. I wish more people could get over themselves and remember that they live in a society at least in theory.

  6. We already have a Captain. Can I promote you to Major, to avoid confusion. As a Spetznaz Colonel, A Soviet Admiral, A Royal Navy Master & Commander, A Gulag Inmate, A Pope, and a Russian Oligarch, I’m pretty sure I have the authority to make it happen. And no worries on the costume. I’ve already got mine picked out for this year:
    http://www.gossipering.com/wp-content/uplo…

  7. Thanks for stepping in, Colonel.

    I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to throw rank around, seeing as somehow, someway, another made it to the envious position of Captain.

    Promotion, demotion, whatever… just so long as everyone remembers who the real Slim Sha – uhhh, who the real Captain is.

  8. It’s too bad you traffic controllers are incapable of multi tasking & completely incapable of intelligent thought
    I have had the great pleasure of being trapped by more than one of you that are flagging an intersection for what is str8 ahead & in doing so completely block the left turning traffic as well. Since all drivers turning left HAVE to yield , perhaps if you bozo’s would get out of our damn way you’d see more smiles

  9. nah i gotta be captain orange cone. i’m writing a comic book about my adventures as mcfuck face. once i get my carpal tunnel surgery i’ll be all set. it’s hard typing and drawing with carpal tunnel. and i have to rub ma’s feet every night. but i’ll tells ya it will be off the cone. if you want you can just call me coc mcfuck face. you can pronounciate it as cock mcfuck face or just cock. your choice.

  10. Your skills are wasted …. “normally, five days a week, I work cozily in an air-conditioned office at my desk typing away on a computer” so to make better use of your dead weight they put you out in the field …. no favour, just a better use of your time for the company. FUCK!

  11. before I die, god, grant me one hour as a traffic controller with more-on in the line up.

    oh, and god? one more thing. please change my stop/slow sign to a missile launcher.

    guys like you (and obviously there are many) should just implode and improve the human race with your removal. the asinine things that get you spitting with rage are just , well, asinine. its a delay in traffic. so?????

  12. Are you the same knob who posted ‘customer thinks I’m too happy’?
    The only rank worth having was held by Herr Hitler, a corporal, before taking the big promotion.

  13. Well then, you’re just as bad as all the damn red lights in the city.

    We have differing views on who is/who isn’t the white rabbit. I’ll attribute that to the door mouse. Confusing fucker he is.

    I like your attitude though, OB.

  14. I was hunting in Cape Breton this weekend and “killed” a rare and sacred WHITEcaseofMOOSEhead.
    Now I have Idle No More occupying my hammock.
    Faaaaccccck!

  15. GdM I’d be very happy if I knew you were the flagged to hurry you off to your make believe god, by running you over
    There would definately be no rage, just a real sense of well being knowing I’ve rid the world off a PoS like yourself

  16. oh more, sigh…..once again you just skid past an intelligent response

    I am not a POS (altho’ you very well may be) I am a PITA. gleefully!

  17. All kidding aside Ivan, what kind of person sees a white moose and decides the best option is to shoot and kill it? It just makes me sick that we have people that fundamentally insensitive to the wonders of the world. Albinism occurs in about .0008% of animal populations but that doesn’t matter, it was a moose and they were moose hunting and we all know guns trump brains.
    Hope you’re happy losers!!

  18. I agree with you on this one , Reg. I’m not opposed to sport hunting, since most of the hunters it’s been my privilege to know are about as far from the standard urban dweller’s stereotype of knuckle dragging, beer swilling, Guns, Guts & God rednecks as you can possibly get. But just because you can shoot an animal, doesn’t mean that you should. I wouldn’t be opposed to a prohibition on the hunting of albino game.

  19. Nice, long-winded piece. You did this working cozily in an air-conditioned office at your desk, I take it.

  20. I do not agree with ‘sport’ hunting, but food hunting is a good idea and more people should have to take part, so they realize what they are eating and what it takes to eat meat. more people should have vegetable gardens too.

    but why should there even have to be a law about shooting a white moose? that guy should have dropped to his knees in bedazzlement and kissed his own ass for luck at seeing that creature. nothing to do with knowing it was sacred to anyone. what a cretin.

  21. Food hunting isn’t sustainable for everybody though GDM, way too many people versus game animals. To the select few who have the ability to live off the land and the have the respect for that environment, perhaps but the resources aren’t there for the masses.
    I hear some scientists are growing meat from petri dishes so it’s only a matter of time before you can get a kit from Walmart where you can toss a couple of pork chop seeds into a pan with a bit of water, cover it up, leave it overnight and the next morning, two juicy pork chops ready for consumption. Yum!
    Maybe even a 3D printer for meat! How long before that technology comes around?

  22. agree reg, but people should at least see where meat comes from, preferably see the gestation crates, piglets having their little teeth pulled out by pliers, cows bellowing in fear and panic. stuff like that. and then view proper hunt/kill.

    eat far less meat, buy/get it from a decent source. pay more, eat less, feel better.

    and always, way too many people. way too many.

  23. There’s a great piece on bbc called
    Kill it, Cut it, Use it
    that takes teens through the entire process for some more popular choices of animal.
    They almost always hate watching the animal die but are usually totally fine with it when they see what comes from the carcass.

    good watch. highly encourage everyone to check it out.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0120vjv/e…

  24. People actually get freaked out when they’re held up in traffic? Other than missing a flight, there is no authority on earth that will not understand a few minutes’ delay due to road work. (And even the plane excuse is a bogus one. They TOLD you to make sure you were early man. You gotta listen better.)

    I always think of getting stuck in traffic like taking a giant shit. It’s a couple of minutes out of the day where you don’t have to do anything but wait for the backlog to start moving. I just listen to music and wait for the tail lights in front of me to turn off. It’s the best part of my day to know that i have a legitimate excuse for not showing up exactly at the time i thought i would.

    Seriously. If you can’t summon the patience to be held up for 120 seconds, you have serious mental problems.

  25. You should try being a cyclist. I’ve seen it all, and usually over the length of time it takes to lift right foot from gas to brake, and back again. People are assholes.

  26. impatient drivers are morons! in the news today….

    New Glasgow police are investigating a possible case of bizarre road rage after a motorist sprayed a traffic control worker with an irritant on Tuesday afternoon.

    The road worker made the driver stop for construction at Westville Road and Balour Street just before 2:30 p.m.

    The driver then called the worker over to his grey Mazda SUV, sprayed him in the face with some kind of irritant and drove off.

    The traffic control worker didn’t have any serious injuries.

    Police are asking the public to help find the driver.

    He’s described as a white man in his 50s.

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