You know what really grinds my gears
People who decide to chat with me when Im with my daughter about my daughter and when they ask the question: are you a single parent and I say yes
.Stop giving me that condescending look and say O that poor girl. You dont know me or my daughter, and dont know how we live our lives, so stop stereotyping you ignorant fuckers. Just because I decided that my daughter would have a better childhood having two supportive and happy parents that decided to support her from different homes, doesnt make me a bad parent. I may make mistakes, but Im a dam good mom, and my daughter is a dam good kid, and she has a very supportive father.
She doesnt live a life where she has to deal with her selfish parents fighting on a regular basis, and she isnt going to have to feel the pain of her parents going through a divorce later on in her life. On another note
to the assholes that tell me I need to find a man to support me and my daughter
.fuck you.
—1fallingangels1
This article appears in Apr 16-22, 2009.
It makes you a great parent. You’ve put your daughters needs ahead of your own and *gasp* ahead of the needs society tries to dictate to you. Keep up the excellent work, you and her father deserve Kudos!!
are you kidding me people(especially kids)are more shocked these days when they find out your married and your husband is the father to all your kids. Being a single parent these days is the norm. Best of luck to you
Nova Scotia is “family oriented” to a fault. Doesn’t matter if mom and dad beat the crap out of each other in front of the kids, as long as the family unit stays together, all is well in the land of la la. So I’m not surprised about the ignorance you experience. Must have something to do with “till death do us part” BS.
That grinds my gears too.
Love the kid, she’ll be fine. It’s simple.
I agree with you 100% as I live a life parallel to yours. My son is much happier with two loving and supportive parents that made a decision to no longer be married. Everyone is much happier and we are able to be better parents for our son this way. I don’t need to find another man to support us because his father does what all fathers should do….he supports his son. Good luck and stay strong.
I did the “single parent” thing when my wife went away on business for 5 months. Anyone who thinks it’s easy is full of shit, and should shut their mouth until they’ve done it. If anything it gave me a whole new respect for the single parents out there that I won’t ever forget. It also gave me a touch of reality about what she actually does around here. Clothes mysteriously don’t wash, dry, fold and put themselves away, and supper doesn’t make itself. MAy sound funny, but I took this shit for granted before all this. Not any more. She also discovered that it sucks being away and missing life. So as hard as it was, it was good. But I digress, keep your chin up OP, these people don’t know what the fuck they talking about.
It’s ignorance that stems from family court, women are perceived as the innocent victims, when in reality you chose greener pastures. Other ignorance of family court could raise question such as; Why is it that a non-divorced family can adjust lifestyle when income is reduced, or someone is laid off, and make all kinds of financial sacrifices. yet the Dad must pay CS regardless. All the time. And don’t you even dare think about getting sick, downsized, or laid off. Why is it that Dad can legally seek an adjustment (i.e. lowering) of their support yet are instantly branded a bad parent. Yet you can challenge your tax assessments, phone bills, a parking ticket, etc. and nobody says a word. But if you challenge CS, you obviously do not love your child. Why does dad have go to court to prove he has child expenses to lower support, but not Mom to get it.
That’s a really tough situation for all involved. Both parents have to be able to make ends meet and I would like to think that when the person paying CS loses their job, that the other would have some compassion. You can’t get blood from a stone. People should look at the kids in these cases instead of pointing fingers at each other. Yeah, I know, it’s not a perfect world. The fact that they split is really irrelevant, it’s done now. I think that’s a good case for equal custody. Being equal, there should be no disproportionate payments. No easy answer to this one.
Oh my god would you believe this woman called my house today and ask if my mom was home I said no and then asked if my dad was there and I said he doesn’t live with us and She says Oh that poor woman I snapped at her and hung up the phone bitch!
Balls, i hear you and at least you’re paying. I recently married a woman who had divorced and the fucker doesn’t pay a red cent towards his son. Unfortunately, it’s assholes like this that ruin it for honest ones like you, Balls.
My parents went without food sometimes because after dad’s child support payments and formula for me they had no money left to feed themselves. He never missed one payment throughout lay offs, strikes and other stuff that hurt financially.
There ARE good dad’s out there, and yeah the deadbeats ruin it for the ones who actually look after their kids.
I think as long as a child has too loving and supportive (emotionally and financially) parents, then it doesn’t matter shit whether the parents are together or not. What does matter is people having children they can’t support emotionally or financially – it’s expected that everyone makes mistakes, but if you are a single mom, with 4 kids from different fathers and no job, I don’t care what you say, you are not taking care of those kids properly.
“too” = two. How embarassing.
Heck, I grew up without a father and I turned out fantabulous. It depends ultimately on the quality of the mother. My mom was amazing.
There are unfortunate stereotypes out there…and supporting single fathers, I do sometimes think that woman have a little too much power over their children compared to the fathers. I am fortunate that my daughter’s father is there and supporting her I have never, and will never go to court over money, to me the most important thing for her, is that she has a father that loves her, even if he does do things I don’t agree with, as long as it doesn’t negatively influence her…I let them slide(however, paying CS to me, shows that the father does care about the child and is taking responsibility, and for that reason I would want CS). Unfortunately I see so many mothers that refuse the father any right to the child and completely cut them off, not to say that some don’t deserve it, it’s not fair to the child, and the child should have the right to make that decision for them self. If the fathers dangerous..ya ok..if he is an idiot yet still wants to be around his child on a regular basis, well then have monitored visitations…he deserves the right if he wants it because it’s his child too. On a final note, Deadbeat dads who refuse to pay CS are probably not going to let a little thing like court stop that..so why bother putting the child through the trials of court. If he isn’t paying child support, and he is leaving the child constantly waiting for him to show up and he doesn’t, or just flat out says he doesn’t want to see the child…that is something that would lead me to consider cutting him off.
Some of the greatest kids I’ve known (including my Hub-Unit) were a result of terrific single parenting. I spent my whole childhood wishing my parents would split but my old lady just wouldn’t leave.
Jesus TTFN, so did I.
My late mother-in-law had four kids, two of them during the Depression – hell, she worked on a farm, cooking and cleaning for 14 people as well as taking care of her kids. All four are well adjusted and successful and the two boys have a special admiration for the sacrifices their mom made. All of them have nothing but love and fond memories of their mother and that’s a true testament to her parenting.
You could live with the kid’s father/mother and the other could do jack shit in regards to raising that kid. I know of a few situations where the kid’s mother was with its father and she might as well’ve been a single parent. Once she left nothing really changed, workload-wise.
Financial support is not always the be all and end all of what makes a good parent.
“Financial support is not always the be all and end all of what makes a good parent. ” I agree with this 100%. A tolerable relationship between the parents is far more important than monetary support. My opinion of course. A soured understanding hurts the kids far more, when they’re told that the other parent is a low life piece of shit cause they missed the CS payment by two days. Holding kids hostage is really fucked, and that’s what leads to dead-beat parents most of the time.
Bullet, I completely agree with that statement, when a parent is dissing the other parent to the child, they are dissing apart of the child’s DNA…so essentially..they are dissing the child and it’s selfish, mean and just plain unacceptable.
Some people don’t get it when it comes to dissing the other parent and the consequences this has for the kid. I know this guy whose girlfriend is the one badmouthing the kid’s mom to the kid at every opportunity. Some peeps are messed up and know no boundaries.
Agreed. My stepson’s dad is a useless piece of shit, but we don’t say anything bad about him. I’m sure he’s going to figure it out for himself when he gets older. The quote about financial support is true also, but should not mislead to imply that it isn’t important. CS has nothing to do with good or bad parenting and everything to do with a legal and moral obligation to financially support the upbringing of a child. Bullet, again, I feel for you and totally agree that a late payment is no reason for one parent to diss another to a child. My stepson’s dad doesn’t pay any CS but the kid has no idea and doesn’t need to.
I really believe that, as hard as it is to sometimes not try to defend yourself and “battle” for your child’s love, If a parent is doing this, and the other parent is gritting their teeth and just plain supporting the child, the child will grow up to know the difference, the child may grow up to be 30 years old before this happens, but I really believe it will. However, BRoc, I do believe that CS has to do with good or bad parenting to a degree. What I mean by this is that if a father or mother that has the money to pay CS is choosing not to, they are lacking in the area of making “sacrifices” for a child they love. However as for getting laid off or fired, and not being able to find work resulting in being late or missing a couple of payments is not in any way “bad” parenting, shit happens, and it sucks, but it doesn’t make you a bad parent and the other parent should at least try to be supportive of the opposite parents hard times. However, if a person chooses not to work, and doesn’t care about getting a job whether it be to support their child or other reason’s, that’s also a different story. Hopefully that ramble makes as much sense as it does in my head lol.
What I meant by that, BRoc (the financial support) was that sometimes the non custodial parent can’t afford to pay huge sums of child support (so their payments might be lower as decided by the child support guidelines), but as long as they’re a good, stable parent for the kid then that’s what should matter.
I thought this rant was going to be about the chronic and ironic misuse of the word “ignorant”
Please do elaborate on what you mean, now im curious.
9 times out 10 I hear people say “ignorant” they just mean rude, when ignorant really means lacking knowledge.
The OP had it right, some people are “ignorant” of her plight, and they’re assholes for making assumptions when they don’t know the details.
Yes, I realize that completely.. that was my intention in the word, most of the people who say things like the OP are elder, or from a different culture, and as such, it would be rude for me to get cranky at them for saying it because they seriously don’t know the difference, and the best thing I could do is politely inform them differently..if they were just being plain rude I’d have no problem giving them a piece of my mind lol. Part of the reason of writing the bitch was to A) get my frustration out in writing on the subject so that I don’t snap at some poor unsuspecting individual who, knowing no better, makes that comment. The other B) Was in hopes that maybe someone would read that and realize that not all single parent situations are bad. But that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with you on your comment
Broc, I don’t pay child support but here are some possible ideas why they stop paying:
•no say over how children are raised
•no say over how money is spent
•they spends money on themself
•not enough access to the children
•Being denied access to the children
•What bullet said
•support amount too high for income
•new family to support/ she has new partner and he should pay
•Helplessness in negotiating when lawyer are involved
•Being stripped of Fatherhood
•She’s only thinking of herself
•Getting a life sentence of child support for an encounter.(the trap)
•Detest of the partner
•Dissatified with a bias court system
I’m sure there are many other possibilities on why support isn’t paid. I don’t pay because I don’t have a child. Just looking at the future of Fathers rights or lack thereof here in Canada. I don’t want to be denied fatherhood if I become so lucky.
Some of these ideas I relate directly to our Canadian system. Belgium and Australia introduced shared parenting laws in 2006, we should study these systems and have adjustments made to our own system.
A child deserves both fit parents in their lives equally. If you cannot see that you don’t have children’s best interest at heart and denying them half of their genetic heritage.
Interesting read promoting equal parenting:
http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/f…
Im not quite sure where your going with that one balls…little confused
I think he’s pointing out some of the possible reasons for dead beat parents, cause and effect if you will. In Canada, 99% of the time, the kids reside with the mother, it seems that’s a foregone conclusion when heading into court. The fact remains, parenthood should be 50-50, whether the parents are married or not. When people make CS payments, really, it’s for the kids, but not in the way some people think. Taking care of the kids means the essentials of life. It should be an automatic review every couple years to see if adjustments are needed.
I don’t agree with the statement that the person paying CS should be entitled to see where the money is spent. Now, if the CS payments are large and the kids are running around in rags all the time, then, well, I can see where they would be pissed off, but really, its still irrelevant. Once divorced, that becomes none of the other persons business. Same with a new boyfriend, irrelevant, still your kids. That’s it for me tonight.
…agree with most…sept the boyfriend thing to a point. If the child’s “other” parent had a boyfriend/girlfriend that is constantly around the child with no other supervision (not saying they would need it) But i think the “other other” parent definitely has a right to know who is looking after their kid. Other than that..I agree it is irrelevant…. but ya i pretty much agree with all that…but just regarding the whole 50-50 comment (although you sound like you probably already know this) there are diff forms of custody. Firstly, shared: (50/50) that’s where one week is at one place and the other is an another…Joint: Kind of like Sole custody in that one parent has the child for the majority for the time, but with one important difference : If a mother has Sole Custody of a child…the father has NO rights in the decisions being made for the child, Joint costudy the father does. and bullet, as far as I know, 95% of the time courts will award the father with Joint custody.
Balls, in my family’s case, no one denied my stepson’s father his fatherhood. The fact is he chooses to only see his son once every couple of months, and rarely calls in between. Also, the court decided to amend his CS payments to $5/month and he still doesn’t pay. IMO, there are a lot of these fathers who are self-centered cowards and that’s their reason for not paying.