…my 17 year old daughter just got dumped and can’t stop crying. She won’t talk about it and I swear I’m going fucking crazy listening to those sobs that go on and on. I know how heartbreaking it is at that age…I’ve tried to be sympathetic and then get yelled at…what can a single parent do to keep her sanity???????????????
—Going to buy stocks in Kleenex
This article appears in Apr 30 – May 6, 2009.
Call a girlfriend and go out for the evening. Make sure you pick up a bottle on the way home so you can sleep (joking…sort of). And spending $2 for a pair of foam ear plugs. When your daughter stops sobbing having a well-rested, sane mom will be appreciated. Good luck.
watch sarah kay preforms “B”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3Ks1ceH
Any mother will be lost in tears with this one, and will have all the motivation to remember why they are patient for their children in hard times. And that’s the key, patience. Buy lots of Chocolate, Kleenex, and maybe in the midst of sobs, go in and hug her until she “accepts the hug”. Maybe some movies, kind words, encouragement? And after an appropriate amount of time (keep in mind she is a teenager so this may be a little longer than for an adult) A harsh kick in the but to get out the door and move on with her life. Maybe even bring her out on a kayak trip, just an example of the many ways of harshly getting her out of the house and on with her life.
oops http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3Ks1ceHkus
sorry
You have had 17 years to build a relationship that would enable you and her to handle the inevitable ‘dump’ so I doubt any of us can give you any advice other than to ride out the storm and be ready to listen when she is ready to talk. I was useless at that stuff so I left it to my better half.
o and maybe harshly is a bit of a harsh word. but you get the drift…..
Maybe fuck off and celebrate that she is home, you self-absorbed clitface.
You should be happy that your 17 year old is now single and can focus on things that matter for a young person. No 17 year old should really be in a relationship anyways.
Guyute, it’s people like you who make this town such a “friendly” place. *gag*Crawl back under that rock, it suited you well.
I guess what’s really tough to swallow is the real tears over the real broken heart because that was real love the boy threw away. I think most teenagers become insufferable because they’re not taken seriously… like telling the youth her dead dog will be replaced by a new puppy. It may be true but when you’re mourning a lost love the possibility of new love isn’t comforting at all. I think Three has got the best advice of all but realize a broken heart is not a passing fad. She may get through it a little easier if Mom validated her feelings instead of just waiting for it to pass er whatever.
Kay, she tried validating her feelings (“sympathetic”) but got “yelled at”. And I don’t think 17 year olds really know what “real love” is, they just think they do. I say leave the kid alone but be there for her when/if she wants to talk about it.
Getting dumped is being rejected and can be a self-esteem killer, especially for a 17 year old. Maybe subtly encourage/facilitate her to do some things she used to do before dating this guy so she can get her identity back and confidence up.
I know I always yelled at my mom when she told me I was doing and feeling exactly the right thing (as if that ever happened). It’s when people say you shouldn’t feel the way you do that gets most of us going especially when we’re upset. Validation would be to say those hurt feelings are real, hard-earned and justified. As a parent, it’s tough to watch them suffer and not help themselves feel better. At the same time, if we had a pill that could cure lovesickness would any of us want to take it?
The (romantic) love of a young adult is untainted by reservation… that gets learned by broken hearts such as these and goes to “corrupt” future opportunities. I’d say the young person has a better capacity for true love, love for the right reasons and selfless love than most mature adults (who have been through the ringer a few times).
Let me also pitch in, the average age of mankind before antibiotics was about 33 years old. At 17 more than half your life is over and you’ve been able to procreate since you were 15 or 16. Of course these feelings of love are real!
We used to think kids didn’t get headaches either.
Allow her to be and allow her to feel while you purchase Kleenex stock, single mom. You may want to also consider renting some tear-jerker chick flick, buy a few pounds of chocolate and cry with her this time. Good luck. (I wouldn’t wish teenage anxt on anybody)
Try this. Because unfortunately, teenagers (even though they love their parents) do not always listen or related to their parents.
Does she have some close girlfriends to help her through this? Explain to them what happened, have them all come over, and offer up space to spend a night or two. Have them come with movies, food, pedicure items – anything that might help take her mind off the breakup for a bit. The important thing is not to leave her alone. Give them space while but at the same time remain available.
Hope this helps you!
When I was 17 I also used to yell at my mom for getting in my business when I was upset and wanted to deal with it myself. She was being perfectly sincere and validating my feelings…I was just a cranky teenager. You don’t know what the mom tried, so why criticize her? She said “sympathize”, that could mean anything and implies a certain amount of understanding on the mom’s part. Also, it’s hard to validate someone’s feeling when they “don’t want to talk about it”.
And I completely disagree that a 17 year old is more likely to know true love. Teenagers are more likely to be selfish in relationships. They don’t know themselves and they don’t know what they want. They try relationships on like hats and when they are older, they figure out what fits. Love is something that comes with maturity. A maturity that most 17 year olds don’t have. Now, it’s possible that the OP’s daughter was in “true love” but it is more probable that she is like most 17 year olds and got dumped by some collar-popping AE-wearing teen and is feeling confused and rejected by the situation. She’ll get over it and be better for it.
Also, I doubt that most procreating 15-17y/o of ages past were humping out of love. They paired up based on lust and hormones like most other mammals and other teenagers today. Marriage and love came later in our social evolution partly because marriage joined families and minimized fighting between rival groups. Historically, love and marriage are not synonymous.
Maybe we’ve stumbled on the difference between boys and girls here… the girls who want to keep “trying it on” until they find the right fit are called sluts and for good reason. Boys are more independent in their feelings whereas girls want to be heard.
If “lust and hormones” don’t create the foundation for love, juvenile or mature, what the hell does? We tend to grow to love mates assigned to us by way of arranged marriage too… is that your idea of “mature” love, Miles and how can that compare to the passion available to the energetic, love-struck teen? Romeo and Juliet may have been a work of fiction but the story endures… why? Fancy words? No. Because love is love. Period.
Another possibility of the reasoning you are getting yelled at is that as miles said, her self-esteem is probably hurting right now. When I was younger, and probably still the same now, If I was upset to the point that I was crying, quite simply I was embarrassed. I don’t want people to see me cry, and would blatantly tell anyone that was around me, to leave me alone. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need and want support, she just needs someone to let her know that her pride isn’t going to be damaged by crying around that person. Miles even if a 17 year old doesn’t really know what “real love” is, well who really does, but regardless, what she is feeling now is very “real”. It is just the same as a two year old having a toy stolen from them by another child. It is real to that child at that time because they don’t have the capability to see the future and discover the irrelevance, and they don’t know any other world than the one they are living in now. As such I am agreeing with Kay on this one. O an btw who here doens’t remember their first heart break. However I don’t necessarily validate that a teenager knows what “true love” is. On a final note, you are the parent, and you know best for your child, and the clitface remark was probably not made by someone that has shared your experience in single parent hood, so fuck that asshole.
1FA1: I fully understand that a 17 year old THINKS what they have is “true love”…and some may. Having been a teenager in love myself, I know how real it seems and feels. I wouldn’t try to take that feeling away. My point was that when grown ups look back on those experiences of “true love” when they were teenagers, they see them as the learning experiences they were. They see how losing someone at that age is NOT the end of the world it seemed like at the time.
By “trying relationships on” I did not mean slutting around. I meant dating is about discovering what you want in a person. I tried on several long term relationships and a few short-term ones, before I realized what I wanted in a life-long partner. Relationships in your teenage years should help you grow. Eventually you outgrow most of your first loves. It’s devastating at the time, but perfectly natural and sometimes necessary.
Anyway, my real intention was what 1FA1 got out of it…that the girl is probably embarrassed and hurt and all those things.
I don’t think I want to debate the love issue with you Kay. Maybe another day, but right now I don’t feel like untangling the mess you made by twisting my words.
There is no “love issue” and I haven’t messed up anything. Get over me all ready.
Get over you? Are you breaking up with me kay?
I could roll over thrice and still be on top of Kay. How does one get over her???
NGF— you’ve gotta sweat it out, like a heroin addiction.
LOL I completely agree with what your saying miles, I just hope that you don’t go off and sob yourself to sleep over kay….;)
That sounds very painful and long, Dr.!
i’ll watch some Basketball Diaries for inspiration.
Trainspotting is better.
I don’t wanna talk about 1FA1. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! You’re not my REAL mom!!!
*storms off and slams bedroom door*
LOL @ Miles , Now Now, it will be ok….how about I T.P her yard….key her car? What ever you want you name it. (joking)
At 17 she and every other 17 year old have a lot more dumping and being dumped to go through. It’s life. She’ll get through it. How she gets through it will tell you what type of person she’ll become. A true test of a person is how they get through adversity. To protect kids from adversity is doing them a huge diservice. If she wants to talk to you, she will. But really her friends are much cooler than her parents. She’s growing up. Let her.
She yelled at you when you tried to be sympathetic ?? what an annoying little brat, no wonder she got dumped.
Get the daughter a male escort so he can bone the tears out of her.
Not good advice Onion.
This is what you do: scrape up a problem that makes YOU really upset, or fabricate on on your own…and cry till your carotid is in knots. Brood for days in between tears. She’ll be so distraught by your upset that she will be forced to pay attention to you and forget her entire dilemma altogether. Nothing tears away teenagers from their issues like their parents misery. I think it’s innate in all kids to sympathize with their parents when things go wrong. I used to feel so fricken depressed when my mother cried.
Nope, I’m with the Onion on this one, lol.
Holy eff…
I am seventeen. I am a girl. I have been in break ups.
Ive never overanalyzed anything this much. My advice to the mom, is stop over analyzing and let her deal with it herself. Shes gotta do something about it on her own, or itll be like nothings been done at all. That doesnt mean youre a bad mother, but it means that she probably doesnt want your help – and isnt going to start wanting it anytime soon.
Do what my mom does when Im in a shitty mood. Get out of the house, go do your thing, shell get sick of herself eventually.
Holy eff…
I am seventeen. I am a girl. I have been in break ups.
Ive never overanalyzed anything this much. My advice to the mom, is stop over analyzing and let her deal with it herself. Shes gotta do something about it on her own, or itll be like nothings been done at all. That doesnt mean youre a bad mother, but it means that she probably doesnt want your help – and isnt going to start wanting it anytime soon.
Do what my mom does when Im in a shitty mood. Get out of the house, go do your thing, shell get sick of herself eventually.