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Thank you for finally staying away. I still have crazy love for you, but I know now that you never really planned on giving us a chance. So thanks, because I am glad to be free of that hellish limbo. —Myself again
This article appears in Mar 10-16, 2011.
37 Comments
This is either an EXCEPTIONAL coincidence or completely about me… Hmmm. My bad?
I have had the same revelation lately. The only way to really move on is to stop communication. It’s so fucking bitter sweet. GAH! So i can empathize. Completely. Thank you for posting this….
I’m on the other end of this situation, I’ve waited and waited for him to say something.. anything.. to let me know it’s still there. we tried once, but I think we were both too careful to let each other in. I left for Calgary thinking he just wasn’t that into me. He moved on and moved her in, and it didn’t work out for them.. When I returned to halifax, I tried to rekindle our friendship and thought I saw a glimmer that it could be again. But now, he has just stopped contact, ignoring me blatantly… if only I’d said something, or put my heart on the chopping block just once more.
Ioughta. Don’t do it. Stop putting the ball in his court only to crush you again. I know you want this to work but I think you deserve something better. Someone who’s going to chase after you and never let you question yourself. Love is suppose to be hard but not like this. Things get crazy and miscommunicated and you disagree and want different things but the one thing you both always know is that you love eachother. He’s really not worth anymore of your time so please move on. You’ll be so much happier in the long run!!
Just got out of a weird “Limbo” myself. Knew it was never going to go anywhere, we were not good for each other at all, but for some reason we kept meeting.
So glad communication has finally stopped, it prevented so much bullshit from happening down the road.
Sometimes cutting communication is just the best thing you can do in those situations.
“Someone who’s going to chase after you and never let you question yourself.” <-- truer words were never said, RC. You are a wise, wise lady, mamabear! Everyone deserves that. I don’t think being in that “limbo” ever really works out. If you have to question whether or not someone is into you as you are them (after a bit of time has passed), there’s really no point in moving forward with it. Why would you want to be with someone who’s arm you practically have to twist in order for them to even spend time with you? And why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel crazy or ‘not good enough’? Relationshipping shouldn’t be one sided — any type of relationship be it platonic or romantic. And if you’re the one doing all the work… well you have your answer, right there. I’ve been in this limbo, hell I *am* in this fucking limbo, and it sucks, and I find there has to be one thing that happens that’s just the straw that brakes the camel’s back. Something that just smacks you in the face and says “cut the fucking shit already.” (i.e.: you go far away from them and meet new people, they do something really mean to you… etc…) Once that happens to me (and it always does… usually after weeks, months or even years of agony) my feelings towards that person just switch in an instant and I generally feel nothing for them… which is sad, but liberating at the same time.
Oh, it wasn’t a relationship for me PK, there was no arm twisting involved.
You folks are so right, this person was bad for saying things and never following through, leading me to disappointment every time I saw hope. Hell, I bought tickets a while ago to an event coming soon and after he originally was in, now he’s not talking. I know I’m better off without him, I saw how wonderful he treated the “other”girl.
Yes you’re right…never been said better… Someone who’s going to chase after you and never let you question yourself. It’s pretty wild where I pride myself in being tough and independent but his rejection MADE me think about him more. If only he’d had enough respect to be honest…. I guess I got sucked in and lost sight of what was really happening here.
@FA: it’s more like… you’re interested in someone and want to spend time with them and you attempt to make plans with them and it’s like twisting their arm. They say they want to, but every time you’re the one always trying to make plans and they make no effort. The same can be said about any relationship too, and if you’re always the one asking and you’re always being put off (and there are always excuses why they can’t or can’t give you a solid yes or no)… that’s really frigging frustrating. That’s the kind of limbo that’s really disheartening and maddening. And in the end, what’s the point? You just feel disappointed and dumb in the end anyway, so might as well cut them loose, y’know, because they obviously have no interest in you whatsoever, and you’re just wasting your time 😀
ioughta: you deserve much MUCH better. My cousin’s fiance asked her out three times before she said yes. And they’re getting married in a few months. He was obviously into her because he didn’t give up. That’s what we all deserve. 🙂
PK : No, it wasn’t even really like that either. I’ll just go ahead and say it, even though I’m becoming “in person” familar with too many people here hah.
I don’t do relationships. I suck at them. As such, in order to satisfy myself, I’ll sometimes do the whole friends with benifits thing. I don’t like one night stands, bar hook-ups have never, and will never happen. This seems to be my happy medium. It my be slutty, whatever.
This was one of those situations. My problem with this one, was that he was a bit of a dick. This was good in a sense where I didn’t really have to worry about the situation developing into anything, and there was definitely no arm twisitng when it came to hooking up, but he would do something to really bug me, I’d tell myself “that’s it, I’m done with this”, but yet, we would meet up in a few days time.
It got to the point where I got sick of the “holier than though” attitude, and cut all communication off with him.
FA: I think I was just inadvertently ranting about my own experiences. LOL. Sorry ’bout that!
I keep liking you more and more, FA. 😉
Ooooh, LTWWB/LTWWL hook up?
I don’t think we’ve had one of those! Do it UP, guys! heehee
yeah, I don’t see that happening….
Such a pessimist!
LOL, PK: Note my comment about sucking at relationships 😛
That and I’m absolutely mad for someone who doesn’t even live in this province.
😛
Oh, and Orgasmo, I noted your question in previous thread, but I’m thinking I’m going to stick to just “Asia” on the forum. Woudlnt’ want to give too much away 🙂
Hay now! I said “hook up” not “relationship” heehee!
*sigh* that really sucks though, about the guy in another province, FA. But hay! It could be worse! You could be into someone who doesn’t even recognize the fact that you exist! 😀
*facepalm*
We should get together soon and co-miserate about boys! lol
Just do what I have done and swear off the other sex altogether. Oh, and I’ll point out that I am NOT replacing them with the SAME sex, so don’t get excited sebastard.
The only way I’d think about getting involved again is if the other person was as laid-back about the relationship as me. And I sure as hell would not live with them. I don’t hear from you for 2 or 3 days? So be it. Neither of us can really define our relationship if asked? Perfect. Better yet- you live in France and we take turns visiting each other every couple of months? Ideal! Damn I love french chicks. THAT’s where I belong.
Jonno,
you have a different constitution.
You have a different brain.
You have a different heart.
You got tiger blood, man!
Hahaha trying to keep a little mystery, eh? You can add me to your book of faces of you want. Ask the Kitty for details.
AHAHAHA warlocks.
When I read jonno’s comment I thought he said he was swearing off SEX all together and then I LOL’d because that’s just crazy, man.
In any event, you have a fun time finding someone who’ll agree to all those terms. You’re better off with a fuck buddy/cuddle bitch.
angel, I think Stephen Harper is already married, isn’t he?
You could do better.
Stephen Harper is dreamy.
I’m not even being sarcastic/facetious when I say that either. I’ve wanted that man since forever. *dreamysigh*
BUT ONLY FOR SEX, OK?
you do realize pk that they built him outta spare parts from the canada arm^^
Haha… if I find her, I find her. If I don’t, so be it. FB’s/CB’s don’t work as long as humans have both the desire to procreate AND share intimacy. You truly can’t have one without eventually succumbing to the other.
Angel, your notion of FWB is fine, in theory, for you. One is definitely better off making such arrangements with someone they really can’t see having a future with. But it’s gotta end at some point and it’s that bullshit that I haven’t the slightest desire to put up with. It’s either all or nothing for me. Besides, I don’t have a lot of patience for those I don’t have much in common with. I am drawn to intelligence and wit, and if those traits are in the picture then there is ALWAYS a future. And of course you never can control the feelings of the other person. It’s all fine and dandy if you know YOU’LL never fall for someone, but how can you ensure the same is reciprocated?
Sadly, yes.
Don’t worry, I have plenty of self-loathe over this whole situation. It’s not like you can control who you WANT/WOULD LIKE to get busy with. LOL
PK, for shame…. how can you be oogly-eyed for a cat maiming creep-o?
http://dougsamu.files.wordpress.com/2008/1…
HAY! He and his family care for homeless kittens.
I can’t help it if I have this sick desire to hook up with him 🙁
you’d hook up with an android phone if it had a wallpaper of stephen harper….
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/4141771/it_c…
I was just teasing, jonno 🙂 From what I know of you, I don’t see you doing the whole FB/CB/FWB thing either.
I’ll fully admit I’ve done both the FWB thing and the FB thing and while one of them had a dealbreaker so blatent for me that there’s no possible WAY it would be anything more than just casual hooking up, I completely fell in love with the other one, and due to some miscommunication, he moved on and the relationship never happened. It took a really fucking long time to get over that shit.
The problem I have with relationships, which is a big part of why I haven’t bothered with many of them is two fold. First I can’t stand it when people (mainly girls who can’t be alone) are in a “relationship” for the sake of being in a “relationship.” They’ll break up with someone they’ve been with for a while and the next week they’re with someone new. Maybe I’m a little oversensitive, but it takes me a hell of a lot longer than a week to get over someone. I’d rather be single and wait for someone I’m really fucking into than be with someone to avoid being alone. I’m perfectly capable of being on my own, amusing myself and not relying on someone else to define who i am, but I know tons of people who just can’t do that. They go crazy when they’re alone. Which leads into the second reason: I hate clinginess. HATE. IT. And that’s where jonno and I agree: if I don’t see someone I’m seeing for a few days, well, ok. I was seeing this guy once, and I was super busy at work and when I came home I just didn’t feel like sitting on a computer writing emails or talking on msn (he was in the valley, I was here). Four days had past and I checked my email and there were 9 from him and the last one went on about how he doesn’t think I’m that into him because I haven’t talked to him in the past four days. That shit fucking irks me to no end. It’s great to have someone special in your life to share intimacy with, but it’s vomit-enducing to be attached at the hip and it REALLY REALLY gets on my nerves. I like my space. Which is why I refuse to live with anyone I’m with. I’ve said this for ages. My parents are a great example: their marriage was never better when they lived apart.
The only thing I really do demand in a relationship is exclusivity. The rest is usually a “figure it out as you go along” type of approach. *shrug* (heh)
“I’m perfectly capable of being on my own, amusing myself and not relying on someone else to define who i am, but I know tons of people who just can’t do that.”
-said the crazy cat lady…
I think the fact that more than three cats in one room skeeves me out disqualifies me for crazy cat lady status.
Though I *do* have the action figure.
*shrug* 😉
Pk you weren’t into that guy from the Valley…sorry. But when you are starting out in relationships…especially long distance ones then you check your email more frequently and you’re in that kind of honeymoon stage. He just didn’t do it for you. When you meet that person that makes your heart skip a beat…you’ll check your email and phone all the time…mind you…you’ll wait to reply so you don’t look desperate.
You know me so well, RC 🙂
BUT, we’d been together for a while and I really did like him at first — the clinginess was ok then… and then after a while his clinginess got stiffling. AND! We had agreed things would be casual when I moved.
I broke his heart into a million tiny little pieces, unfortunately. He stopped talking to me for like a year and a half and then one day out of the blue called me. We had been great friends since first year and we really DID try to be just friends, but his feelings got in the way and he started to annoy me and I started to resent that and ultimately he cut me off and ignores my very existance to this day. It stings because I really do miss his friendship… but I couldn’t handle his feelings and he couldn’t handle my lack of feelings.
In any event, you’re like the LTWWB sage of relationships, chicky! Never go away, ok? lol
I’m not at all. It’s just easy to call it like you see it when no feelings are involved. Most of the time I end up sounding like a heartless bitch.