HRM drivers need retesting

OK, I made a bitch about this last year, but it warrants a revisit. I have come to the conclusion that a good portion of the drivers in the HRM need to have their licenses revoked or at the very least, have to go for refresher courses or retests, on the rules of the road.

The chicanes on Romans Avenue have become the bane of my existence, as well as the intersection of Romans and Bayers Road. The chicanes were a stupid idea when they were first installed years ago as a traffic calming method for Romans Avenue, which is primarily used by most as a cut-through from Mumford Road to Bayers Road. All they created was an opportunity for all the fuckhead drivers out there to see how fast they can speed through them without losing control, smashing into another car or smashing into the chicanes themselves. So where is the traffic calming effect that these are supposed to bring?

My main bitch about them: IT’S TWO-WAY TRAFFIC THROUGH THEM you fucking idiot drivers. That’s what that yellow line down the middle of the road indicates. They were designed so that even two full-size half-ton trucks can go through at the same time if they stick to their own lanes and follow the natural curves in the road that the chicanes create. If you can’t see the lines, then maybe you need glasses for driving, if you don’t know what the line indicates, then see my earlier comments about getting a fucking retest, or better yet, have your license revoked.

As someone who travels through them roughly four times a day, as I live on the road, I would say in heavy traffic periods, at least two of those four times I am getting the fucking googly eyes from someone who thinks it was Their Turn through the wavy road. One of these days I’m sure someone is going to drive into the side of my car, and after the initial being pissed off that my ride got smashed, I’m going to take great pleasure in pointing out to the fucking idiot that he has crossed a solid yellow line and is in fact on my side of the road, and is 100% at fault for the accident.

As for the Bayers and Romans intersection, again, maybe a little re-edge-a-ma-kayshen is in order as to how to make a right and a left hand turn onto a road that has two lanes. Right hand turns onto Bayers from the PUBS side of Romans are supposed to turn into the inner lane onto Bayers (closest to sidewalk) when making a right at the lights, not come flying around the corner and swinging fucking wildly into the outer, left hand lane. Pull into the right, and when it’s safe, then indicate and pull into the left. That’s FUCKING DRIVERS 101 FOLKS…get the handbook and read the fucking thing.

And for the idiots making the left from Romans onto Bayers Road outbound, you do so into the outer lane, again, you do not make the turn and swing wide into the curbside, inner lane. During peak hours, the green light is a Short one for crossing Romans, or making turns onto Bayers Road, and if everybody knew the rules of the road and how to drive, it wouldn’t really be an issue, but of course, it is not a perfect world we live in, and the reality of things is that if we all had to retest for our drivers license (the 20-70 generation), I’m betting most would fail, and fail miserably after years of picking up bad driving habits.

I have been lobbying the city for signs on both sides of Romans and Bayers intersections to remind all the fuckheads how they are SUPPOSED to be turning, as well as signs to indicate that the chicanes are two way traffic, but as of yet, have been unsuccessful (they obviously have more important things to spend the money on such as generators, printers, laptops, etc. but we wont even go there)!

Oh and to the person that flipped me the middle finger the other day because she thought it was her turn to go through the wavy road, FUCK RIGHT OFF! If we meet again in the chicanes and you smash up your daddy’s Escalade or whatever that big fucking, gas guzzling, behemoth you were driving was, I will take great pleasure in getting your insurance details to give to my insurance company. Maybe your insurance will go up so much you wont be able to afford it, and then it’s mission accomplished…one lass fucking idiot who doesn’t know how to drive OFF THE ROAD!! —Me, Myself and I

This article appears in Mar 4-10, 2010.