Do it in the road. Nobody expects you to operate a vehicle on the sidewalk and doing unexpected things is not only a violation of road etiquette and common sense, but in this case it’s illegal. You may feel safer but here’s the real trick: you’re a moron. Nobody is going to hit you if you ride on the road and stake out a space. Don’t slink off to the side, get out there in the lane where everyone can see you, and don’t worry about holding up traffic – as a cyclist, your attitude should be “fuck traffic.” Otherwise, when you’re standing on the sidewalk waiting for the ambulance because some thoughtless little 3-year old dashed out from nowhere and you ran her down and cracked her skull wide open, remember that I told you so, you fucking idiot.
P.S. When I run reds it’s because I’m not operating a hurtling 2500lb death machine – I have the situational awareness to do it safely because I’m not a fat, diabetic cager rolling to an early grave. Disagree? Fuck you. —Abe
This article appears in Feb 9-15, 2012.
Hey Jitbag, go buy a fucking car. Assholes like you give cyclists a bad name. Red light ignoring fucks like you can go fuck yourself back to belle aire terrace. Fuck.
You’re just a big ole fucking contradiction in terms, aren’t you OB? Your post is titled “How to ride a bicycle” yet you talk about “getting out there in the lane” and adopting a “fuck you” attitude towards traffic, (both of which are ways NOT to ride a bicycle in traffic.) Next, you presume to lecture the the target of your post about riding a bicycle on the sidewalk, which IS illegal, yet you conclude by admitting you run red lights, and “safely” no less?!(which is a contradiction itself) You’re a real piece of work, OB. “I have situational awareness to do it safely blah, blah, blah…” Unbelievable fucking arrogance. You’re doing the rest of your cycling brethren a real disservice by adopting, and then publically displaying, this type of attitude. Tell me, just how does one run a red light safely, anyway? I’d really like to know. Because if I have the right of way and you decide in all your prickishness to run the red, I ain’t going to warp my brake rotors trying to stop for your spandex-clad ass. Your “situational awareness” won’t be worth a heap of shit, as they try to dislodge your seatpost from your rectum and are scraping you off the grill of my “2500 lb death machine” like so many squashed insects.
Abe sounds cool
and people wonder why other people get so fucking mad at bike riders? there is part of the reason.
Abe sounds like an idiot!
1. Do you ride your bike on pedestrian crosswalks to take the right of way from traffic?
2. Do you stop for flashing pedestrian lights or do you have the ‘situational awareness’ to barrel through and let the walkers bob and weave to avoid you?
3. Do you have a (required) bell, and do you use it to warn pedestrians you are approaching?
If you answered yes to 1 or 2 or no to 3, then I join the chorus in saying you’re an arsewipe, Abe.
You won’t be so witty when you run a red light and one of those “2500 lb death machines” flattens you and your shitty bike, now will you?
How can you even ride a bike with your head so far up your ass?