I’m writing to express my frustration with sexual harassment in the workplace, and that in this day and age, it not only still occurs, but is tolerated. Up until today, I worked for as a youth counselor in a group home. Last week, a male coworker approached me aggressively and stated matter of factly that he had a sexual dream about me and proceeded to describe the details in front of another female staff, with young clients nearby. I was shocked, offended and embarrassed all at the same time along with the other wide range of emotions a woman goes through when subjected to this type of harassment. I decided something had to be done and expected my employer would look at this for the serious matter it is. I was to be severely disappointed.
The end result was that I had to leave work, consult a physician and was instructed to take 2 weeks off while this assault was addressed by my employer. Or at least I thought they were going to. I have come to learn that they have done nothing other than reward this man by giving him the shifts I am unable to work as a result of his actions. In discussions with my employer, they informed me that they have “spoken” to him and that entries have been made in his file and that I “owe” him the opportunity for him to apologize for his actions. Their reason being that they can’t “close/conclude” their part unless I subject myself to further humiliation at the hands of this man. As a result of their sole interest of being to make this “go away” I decided to quit. So I ask you, has any progress been made with women’s rights in the workplace when this manner of behaviour is not only permitted, but rewarded? Where the only option available is for me to quit my job so that I can stand up for myself and regain my dignity.
Yes, we sure have come a long way haven’t we? —M
This article appears in Nov 17-23, 2011.
Seek legal advice. Today.
that is wrong in so many ways. why would you agree to take the two weeks off? consult a physician? if you like your job, do everything in your power to get rid of him. don’t let them sweep you under the rug
Labour board should make short work of any manager that defends sexual harassment in the workplace. Don’t quit, don’t take time off, call the labour board immediately.
Hey, I hear subway’s hiring…
http://www.supermotors.net/getfile/590863/…
…you have two witnesses, it’s not a “he said / she said” situation. Don’t quit. If your direct supervisor isn’t doing anything about your complaint, take it to the next level of management.
In addition, record EVERYTHING that this POS said to you: when it happened, what time, where exactly it occurred, what was said, who was present, etc. Be as detailed and as specific as you can and as hard as it may be, try to leave personal emotion or assumptions out of it. You just want the facts, for the time being. Also, you mentioned that he did this to you in front of another female co-worker…get in contact with her NOW. Ask her if she would be willing to back you up as a witness and get her to record her account of what happened in the same manner you did. Do this with anyone else you think may have been witness to this harassment. Finally, record all dealings you had with your manager/boss with regards to this offence. Record exactly what they said to you, what action they said they would take, what actually happened and anything else that is of relevence. Arm yourself with the facts because, otherwise it is just your word against his. Talk to the labour board right away. Don’t let this dickhead and your idiot boss get away with this, because it will happen again. Don’t give up on this.
World 2011 = Nova Scotia 1951
Why would you take time off work ?
Did you get the ‘witnesses’ to substantiate your claims ?
Without actual proof or being ‘der it is difficult to make a decission based on your story only.
But that doesn’t mean you should allow this to happen & you definately shouldn’t have quit. IF it was a female from my family I would have supported her to the best of my ability to rectify this situation, because if this type of behaviour isn’t stopped, it will only happen again to some one else.
Or you could just be blowing a molehill into a mountain & that is why nothing was done…but we (or at least I) have no proof of anything & only your version & opinion.
Even with just that, I believe you should have handled the problem better …. FYI the comments by those before me on how to proceed is what I mean by handling it better .
Good luck.
Yes, OP, we have come pretty far, you just happen to work for a shitty organization. It especially sucks that it’s a youth shelter because a lot of the time the youth that go there do so to escape the kind of thing that happened to you. You should sue. See if a law student will give you free legal advice or something.
sigh… I’m going to get flogged for this.. but here goes.
What your coworker did was wrong… or.. more appropriately what he did was stupid. And what your employer is doing is equally stupid. But THAT’S IT. You’re surrounded by stupid people. Welcome to real life.
But are you serious? You had to leave work and consult a doctor because there are stupid people in your presence?? That’s a little overplayed, don’t you think? So some guy you work with is a douche? Make a complaint and tell him to fuck off (those words exactly) when he tries to come near you. He’s not a rapist or a killer! Try having your ass grabbed BY YOUR BOSS and continuing to go to work, all the while lodging a successful complaint. Because to me, THAT’S assault. What this guy did is simply douchebaggery.
As a “that’s what she said” FEMALE in the workplace, i find way too many people are far too sensitive about what happens around them in the workplace. Should he have mentioned the dream? HELL no. And he certainly shouldn’t have said anything in front of anyone. But you’re not talking about a sexual predator OP.. you’re talking about a moron. That’s it.
i mean.. what if a woman had said this to a man? Would you have even NOTICED?
Think very hard about that.
He didn’t assault you my dear and women who HAVE been seriously assaulted in the work or school place i believe will find this a little silly. He’s just a dumbass with loose lips.
Frivolous is my opinion. Just tell him to fuck off, leave you alone and get on with your life.
This would best be answered by Learned Counsel AKA TTFN.
didn’t you watch the training video???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrFgxLZtZm8…
‘He’s not a rapist or killer.’ …Yet…
i want to say, right away, that i’m not getting sexually harrassed at my work place. shit, maybe because it’s only me here. but come on girls, bring it the fuck on.
I agree with IK on this one big time. Definitely grounds to lodge a complaint but you completely lost me when you called it “assault” and said that you needed to consult a physician and take 2 weeks off due to someone putting their foot in their mouth for 5 minutes. Especially when you work somewhere that pays hourly and you’re losing money out of this. You’re an idiot.
oh m, by the way, i’m gonna have a wet dream about you tonight. so waht you gonna do, sue me too? have fucking fun trying, remmember, this is canada, where fucking near anything goes. but you can dream about the suckster, i won’t press charges on you, and let us know how good i was.
I’ve seen this kind of BS happen between female coworkers and male coworkers (not necessarily sexual harrasment, but troubling stuff just same) and what it comes down to is having ball-less employers who’d rather dunk their heads up their asses and wait for the problem to go away. You did, and that’s good for you, which is what matters most.
I dunno, I’m not 100% with IK but… your reaction seems to be a bit of an overreaction.
I was sexually harassed in the workplace a few years back. This harassment included actual touching and stalking. I suppose different people deal with things differently, but I never once felt it would warrant time off of work and I actually was technically ‘sexually assaulted’ according to the criminal code of canada.
Sure the co worker is stupid and sure your workplace could’ve been a little tougher, but I dunno… I’m a little insulted, as someone who was actually sexually assaulted in the work place that you would call this an ‘assault.’
I understand that what this co worker did was wrong… and I understand it would be upsetting, but you seem like the type who’s a bit over sensitive about things given your overreaction. I do think your employer is chicken shit, but I just can’t get rid of this feeling that you’re a bit of a cry baby.
And yes, I’m aware I’m going to get flamed up the ass for this.
OB, don’t just quit. I would encourage you to seek legal action against employer. If the employee was unable to resolve this issue appropriately then they should be responsible to assist you with your transition to a new job.
Furthermore, if you have ‘quit’, this will affect your EI claim. You should look into the term ‘constructive dismissal’ I think it means that under certain situations, sexual harassment being one of them, you should can be eligable for full EI benefits even though you resign.
Not only that, but an employer that does an employee wrong by ignoring a sexual harrasment claim, should still be liable for severence pay. And, it does not matter that you have chose to quit, they should have to pay you this severance because of the conditions of employment that you had to endure were significantly changed from your original contract of employment.
Best of wishes to you.
Constructive dismissal is when your job is phased out or your employer slowly takes work away from you (or makes your workload impossible) and you’re pretty much forced out. Basically, they make your life suck so much you can’t take it anymore and you ‘quit’ so it’s considered a resignation, but it’s actually a legal form of ‘dismissing’ someone without cause and one of the snakiest, shittiest things employers can do. Only shithead employers would constructively dismiss someone.
And it’s likely your employer uses a progressive disciplinary HR model. First infraction is a verbal warning (with a note in their personnel file); second is a written warning; third is a suspension and fifth is dismissal.
This method is actually one of the more common and most accepted HR discipline models in the workforce today.
Good thing you’re not a bartender OP.
I agree with PK and IK that this doesn’t constitute assault. Definitely inappropriate and stupid, but not criminal. It is however very shitty that the guy who made the comment didn’t have any repercussions, and you’re forced to quit your job.
I deleted a long post.
Short version – It was inappropriate, unprofessional, and harassment, but not “assault”. Sounds like the employer was handling it, just not to your satisfaction.
Grow a thicker skin, and stop being a pasive agressive twit. I can’t believe that you quit and ran away.
Ok maybe they are a little melodramatic, and don’t have a “thick skin,” they still deserve to have a sexual harrassment free workplace. When people say thick skin what they really mean is shut your little lady mouth up and stop making trouble. That is what your bosses were saying when they said you “owe” buddy the chance to make an apology, presumably because you hurt his wittle feewings. It takes guts to stand up for yourself. I agree with others who say find out what your legal options are. In this day and age there should be no excuse for managers to be that clueless about issues of sexual harrassment. The more people who are held to account for this kind of mismanagement, the more antiquated this type of behavior will come to seem.
Sexual Harassment is a criminal offence and the fact that we all seem to chalk it up as oh well you just are surrounded by stupid people and are overreacting and need to step up, etc…. leads me to wonder….
Do we all also feel the same way about bullying (which carries no criminal offence, though it should)- those kids who take their life are they also overreacting and need to step up as well because those bullies are just stupid too and that is life…
And we wonder were all this stems from? Bully who is excused becomes bully in the workplace and we all just allow this cycle to continue when we chalk it up to being “life”- and you need to be stronger.
How about instead of blaming the victim or putting them down, we proactively seek the offender and fix the situation so it does not happen again!
she’s not a bartender thomas, she works in a group home
I don’t believe you should have quit OP. If he has to apologise, he’s the one getting a dose of humility. This guy went way over the line and should be repremanded but I don’t think it’s worth leaving the job for.
I’m with PK, mostly with IK, and my man Hugo on this.
He “aggressively” then “matter of factly” told you this?
He is a dick. If you quit, you’re a pussy.
And he will have won.
It’s not that she should tolerate the harassment, MR, but to quit over this seems pretty wimpy. She should have fought harder.
I don’t really agree with most on here with this issue.. I think what you did was right OP and I don’t think you should just let it die. Sure, to some this may not seem like a big deal but the fact that you took action when it was only a comment someone made, makes it much more likely this guy will leave you alone from now on. It sounds like people on here are telling you to pretty much just wait until this guy actually touches you, then you’d have a case. That’s just stupid and you shouldn’t feel like some “bitch” because you want to prevent such behavior. The OP probably had some other sort of harassment to deal with in their lives and this “small” incident only brought back those horrible feelings. You did nothing wrong OP and don’t give in to this “it was only a small incident” BS! There’s no need to wait until this guy or someone else actually touches you or whatever. You should report and follow up on these things and not wait until something bad/physical actually happens and have LIFELONG complications because of it. Nip it in the butt, as they say. It’s also pretty typical for someone to not want to tell anyone about harassment for fear that they’ll be looked at as a “whiner bitch” so good for you for speaking up OP.
yeah, fight a little harder….
you need your own Tyler Durden
http://www.wallchan.com/images/sandbox/130…
Meh, I don’t think she’s a wimp. Not everyone can be a hero 24/7/365. I’m sure there were any number of factors that could have influenced her decision not to fight it, such as, for instance, the fear of potential future employers regarding her as a liability or troublemaker, whether she won it or not. I’m just not sure it’s really helpful to say well I would have done X in your situation while not really knowing what their situation is really.
Go join the Occupy Movement OB. You obviously are no fun to be around in the office and have zero sense of humour.