I had the displeasure recently of waiting in line behind a hunchback and her hunchback daughter both texting and both displaying large hill-like growths on the napes of their necks. The smartphone as they call it—has caused smart people to become dumb. The mother-daughter texting team held the line-up twice by neglecting to move up. Then, when the counter attendant was ready to place their orders, the cro-magnon duo were again lost in their dumb phones. Need I remind you these gadgets were invented to make communication/everyday tasks easier but instead they are causing people to become obtuse. They walk into water fountains texting—fall over potholes, get into car accidents and miss the bus/boat all because they are so enthralled by their addiction. They can no longer think on their own merit without the use of their handy-dandy technical armour. They are now growing radical tumors at the tops of your backs like the hunchback of Notre Dame. It is called a Kyphotic spine and it is what we evolved from. We are supposed to be erect—and social might I add. You cell phone folk are antisocial throw-momma-from-the-train hunchback dingbats with radiation running through your every pore. Get a fucking clue. -Smartphone, Dumb People
This article appears in Jun 26 – Jul 2, 2014.
Louis Leakey has discovered the new Olduvai Gorge!
Full points, for all the Nat. Geo. references OP. >: )
I don’t own a cell phone and it genuinely baffles a lot of people. I’ve had people ask me more than once how I get by without one. Hurr Durr. I’ve also had to ditch a few friends over the past couple of years because hanging out with them was so fucking boring – all they did was text other people and/or find youtube video’s they thought were funny for us to watch on their tiny little screen.
^^ confess hoist – you took king’s Cell to heart, eh?
my g/f didn’t have one for years and years. but we spent so much time wandering in homo depot looking for each other up and down the aisles she finally capitulated.
I have an old Samsung flip for work. I was offered a dumbphone and refused it. I tell people to phone me, not text as it is quicker and clearer.
That’s probably the worst book I’ve ever read.
yes, Virginia…..zombies do exist……
I have Steve Jobs on line 3 for you, he says he will hold.
I wonder if they were texting each other.
I am so tired of texting getting such a bad rep. How do you know they weren’t playing Candy Crush?
Oh yeah, and evolution works both ways. They’re evolving too!
“Need I remind you these gadgets were invented to make communication/everyday tasks easier but instead they are causing people to become obtuse.”
Oh please, because ARM processors and touch screen glass were definitly invented for a phone conversation or everyday tasks!?! And that camera function too, what a way to talk to people or complete everyday tasks.
In the dark ages did people react this way to books? I can hear it already, damn them all with their noses stuck in a book!!!
Good post. The staff at coffee shops aren’t allowed to say anything to cutomers about it but imagine how annoying it is to try to take someone’s order while they are nattering away on their phone at the same time.
I think the staff should be allowed to press a button that drops the jerk through a trap door in the floor. NEXT!