Why is it that all men claim to love eating pussy but then when it comes down to it, all they end up eating is their words. I wasted over an hour sexting this idiot last night and only agreed to meet up with him because he said he loved eating pussy soooo much. So we had a few drinks and got down to it. His oral skills consisted of a two-second tongue flick no where near my clitoris. So we proceeded to sex, which wasn’t half bad until his dick went limp on the 5th pump. All he did was shrug and pull his pants back on. If a woman did that to a guy, just packed it up right there in the middle of the action, before HE came, he’d be pretty pissed. Men, if your dick doesn’t work for some reason and you cannot perform, you still have a horny woman laying there in front of you! You also have 10 fingers and a tongue for a reason! Additionally, there is a little invention called a cock ring, go buy one. Here I am risking life and limb as a single woman inviting a stranger over for sex. Could you at least do your part and make me cum, you lazy piece of shit? —NEXT!
This article appears in Sep 25 – Oct 1, 2014.
In true LTWWB spirit I suggest “Maybe it was you who was the problem”, you know, stanky? “down there”… Based on the foreplay, if you can call sexting that, would this be much of a stretch? (teehee)
He went limp on the fifth pump? Either your burka fell off, or he didn’t put enough Vicks under his nose when he started.
Hope you didn’t charge him full price.
Yes, leave it to a woman to understand the workings of a man’s mind and penis. I imagine things either stunk or it was like waving an arm around in a warm room.
Secondly, a cockring is NOT for erectile dysfunction; it’s decorative and intensifies sensations. Granddad plus cockring does not equal boner…
I’m coming outa obsecurity to say “HAHAHAHA sucks to be that limp dick pussy”. I wouldn’t call you stanky like the other fellas, sounds like it was this guy’s first time.
Meaty’s right too, cock rings arn’t for boners. Pills are for boners. If all it took was a ring then they’d be waaaay more popular than viagara, that shit’s damned expensive.
Anyhow back into obsecurity!
10 FINGERS AND A TONGUE
“You also have 10 fingers and a tongue for a reason.” Next!
I understand that in certain cultures all eat together out of a large communal bowl using their fingers and, of course, their tongues when transferring the food to their mouths. Would this be the “reason” you had in mind? Write back soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Going down on strangers is fuckin risky business.
Hahahah, that story made my day and i suppose when you were sexting he was bragging like he was the man or something. Oh well hope you have better luck next time….maybe you will be lucky and find a better performer
Words fail me. Perhaps some pertinent quotes will suffice.
“Oh, the humanity …” , Herbert Morrison reporting on the Hindenburg Disaster
“The horror, the horror” , Col. Walter E Kurtz’s final words in “Apocalypse Now”
“I would always rather be happy than dignified.”, Charlotte Brontë ( Jane Eyre)
I bet dude got himself off with the sexting and then just met up with OB out of some weird sense of obligation and just wanted to go home and jerk off some more.
As Bouncey Knowles once said – “If you liked it then you should have put a cock ring on it.”
Never was a big fan of whine and cheese.
Thankfully, no olives were harmed for the duration of this act, Ivan.
MABO agrees with The Crankster. Chances are you probably smell or made sounds that resemble a drunken water buffalo at an April Wine concert.
“Here I am risking life and limb as a single woman inviting a stranger over for sex.”
PS: you’z a ho. and fuck the feminists who cry about “slut shaming” because some chicks gotta stop using “anti-feminism” as a term when “lack of self responsibility” works so much better. go buy a toy.
LOL Gildersleeve. This talk of olives reminds me of the age old question:
“What’s the best way to make a tomato stew?”
A) “Withhold oral”
Which is almost as funny as my original answer
A) Refer to her Planned Parenthood clinic as a “High Kill Shelter”
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Re: “Risking your life” — um, yeah, inviting a RANDOM STRANGER to your place for sex is pretty much the definition of risking your life.
The fact that the guy didn’t give you the attention you wanted is the very least of your worries.
Your lack of basic understanding of reality is just mind-boggling.
was his name Jason? lmao
Do you have a picture of yourself? It could explain a lot of things. Also odour is a big thing.
dudes like this are the worst. get over your fear of vaginas and goddamn, learn how to pleasure a woman.
1) Head to your local adult shop
2) Purchase your toy of choice
3) Go home and go to town
Follow these steps and you’ll be 1000% more satisfied than you would be bothering with a dude who can’t fuck or eat.
it’s not a fear of vaginas when it’s disinterest in smelly muffs, ladies. oh, is that being anti-feminist?
Hey, MizzNyowie, what advice do you give to the chicks who just lay there like a doped-up starfish?
I agree with those who say that maybe the hygiene down there must have been lacking. Most people who go on about how much they love to do that really love to do that. Nothing worse then getting down in there and finding out a little more attention could have been paid in that area beforehand.
Um, fuck that rainbow. Eating some chicks pussy who’s letting you fuck her after knowing you less than 24 hours is a great way to get HPV or something. That shit is no joke, it can give you warts on your junk not to mention cancer (penile cancer in rare cases, sometimes they have to amputate it!). I don’t see anywhere in this bitch that she went down on him, so I don’t see what she has to bitch about.
I am not opposed to going down at all, ask any girl I’ve been with, but with a random stranger who’s obviously easy to get in bed? No thanks, and don’t even mention dental dams. Most ladies I think would be pretty put off the minute you whip one of those out, am I wrong?
I agree with TJ902 on this one, though find it ironic and funny that he is the voice of reason in this conversation. I love going downtown but only with someone I am in a relationship with/have been seeing a while. Would never go down on someone I don’t know, that’s kinda nasty.
He only has eight fingers to pleasure you with dear the other two are thumbs. And I hope you make Mr. Next wear a condom, because you are really asking for an early funeral. Why are women so fucking stupid for a piece of ass? What you need is a guy with a gun sitting in the corner watching for any sign of aggression from your one night stand, and if so blows his head off. Nighty night, sleep tight and don’t let the one night stands bite…
Yours truly.