This is a personal bitch, not a general one:
Dear sister of mine,
You are older than me, but I still feel like your mother. I know we come from a messed up childhood, but if I can get my life together, so can you. How long do I have to carry you through life?
When you keep running off with men you’ve met online, and you find yourself with no money, and no way to get home, I always bail you out. I’ve let you live with me countless times because you literally have no place to go, but you treat me with disdain and rudeness.
It’s not okay to steal money out of my wallet. Just because you look at something I own and want to possess it, doesn’t mean you can just pick it up, walk away with it, and suddenly it belongs to you.
When I ask you to maybe do the dishes or sweep the floor, it becomes a huge argument, that I end up walking away from because I don’t want to do something I’ll regret. I’m not the person I was when I was younger, and I have more self control… lucky for you.
There’s a reason why we were never friends growing up, and I hear you say all the time that you want us to be best friends, and yet you’re a complete jerk. I feel conflicted because I don’t like you very much, but you’re the only blood family I have, so I try again and again to make this situation work.
You’ve put me into thousands of dollars of debt by stealing my property and charging things to my credit card, and yet I don’t have the heart to shut you out of my life. My adopted family thinks I’m a moron for letting you live with me, and I agree.
At the end of the day, why can’t you just be thankful you have someone who wants to help you get your life together, instead of disrespecting me? Anytime I try to talk to you about any of this, all you will say is “I’m not going to fight with you!” Do you know how frustrating that is? I’m not trying to fight, I’m trying to have an adult conversation about your behaviour, and that’s all you can come up with. Every single time.
I feel like one of these days, there will be a fight (remember when we were children?) And you never came out on the winning side. I’m just saying. Grow UP!!! —Tired of wishing for the best out of people.
This article appears in Jun 17-23, 2010.
you’re an enabler. put your foot down, as painful as it will be to know she still suffers. she’ll only bring you down with her and you can’t make her get up, she has to do that for herself. you’re young. break the cycle now.
tell her to come and see the suckster, i’ll take good care of her.
I agree with Toots. As good of a sister as you sound- and you sound great, you’re enabling her. Whereas most people would recognize kindness like the type you’ve provided her and try their best to make it up, instead she is taking full advantage…as if her messed up childhood gives her liscense to be a selfish, parasitic asshole! Kick her out and tell her why you’re doing it. if she’s worthy of all the effort you’ve made, hurting you will be the last straw and maybe she’ll start to try and fix all the failures she’s made of herself. if not, I agree with your adopted family; it’s not worth it; she’s only hurting you.
time for some tough love sis; cut her off it’s the only way !
As long as you open your door to this sloth, you will never see the end of this shit – toughen up, kid, it’s either you or her. I had to make a similar decision many years ago and have absolutley NO regrets about cutting off a family leech – once done, the thefts, abuse and fights ‘miraculously’ stopped. If you don’t take a stand, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Clean under your fingernails with her needles. Supposedly Johnny Rotten did that with Nancy Spungen because she was Yoko to the Pistols. Then Sid solved the problem.
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. – Carlos Santana
thanks for all the encouraging comments. i’m the poster. i have felt all my life that i want to keep my family close to me, because without my family, what do i have? i know i’m an enabler, but i actually feel sorry for her every time i put my foot down with her. i feel like maybe she’s just not psychologically able to deal with life, and then it just feels like i’m kicking a puppy or something you know? and then i feel guilty remembering my life without all the anger and feeling taking advantage of. i guess i just wanted unbiased opinions about the situation, and you all suggested what i always knew i would have to end up doing…draw the line and kick her across it. for my sanity.
The only person who can get her life together is HER. It’s time you remind her that all you’ve been doing for her is only to get her life back together and let her know the gravy train is leaving.
Don’t put up with this any longer, and teach her how to do things for herself!
yeah, teach her to fish instead of feeding the lass.
she’ll thank you for it in the end.
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Friends are the Creator’s apology for families – my sister even embroidered and framed it for me. You are not doing your sister any favours, honey, and you’ll continue to be the one stressed out. You should cut all contact until this sister of yours smartens the fuck up. Otherwise you may as well tattoo ‘WELCOME’ on your forehead and wear a sign that says: KICK ME HARD!
ah, the ‘Creator’… and we’ve come back to an old gem.
I hear he comes down every few years dressed as ‘sexual harassment panda’ and does his community service in schools for all those sins he’s taking off our hands.
or were you talking about the italian, hovering pasta monster that so many others worship?
The latter would certainly be the creator of a decent meal…
ttfn i can safely assume is not a christer…i have decided karma is a groenendael. could be my next grand chein
What your sister needs isn’t you supporting her destructive (to you and herself) behaviours by “enabling” her. What your sister needs is for you to say “No means No”. She needs boundaries, and she needs to understand the consequences of crossing those boundaries. She also needs to understand that her behaviour is hurting you and others, and you will no longer put up with it. If she doesn’t “want to argue with” you, tell her that she only needs to listen to what you have to say, and she won’t have to say a word. I personally think you should tell your sister everything you have written on this bitch before you cut her off your life.
Nice one Pain. Always been partial to Norwegian Elkhounds, but apartment living has limited us to cats.
I am not a dog lover but if someone gave me an American Eskimo, I would keep it for sure.
If I ever get a real home and perm. gig my dream dog is a Samoyed 🙂
that particular chein has that werewolfy look that i find very appealing…hooowwwlll
sammies are very sweet dogs and you can knit stuff out of their fur. they shed a lot
There is something so cute and adorable about a ball of fluffy white fur, isn’t there, martym?
That reminds me, paingirl, my mother in law saw my cat and said she would like to make a scarf from his tail. She scares me.
omg when i was a teenager i was walking down the street one nite and this tiny ball of pure white came ambling up to me and like started going crazy with the friendly and I was dear god give me the strenght not to steal this dog that I have instantly fall’n for; frigg’n love them ever since 🙂
ps: and sapphire blue eyes 🙂
Yeah Marty, They’re beauties.
our sammies were called sally and ivan but they usually have topaz eyes, it always looked like they were smiling. nth don’t let her near your cat, i am hoping she just mean it’s fur not the actual tail. there is a lady around town that makes scarves etc. out of dog and cat fur but it doesn’t involve lopping off bits
My mother in law is in another country, thank goodness. So this lady you speak of, paingirl, how does she get the dogs and cats to get fur from? SPCA?
aha, you are delving to deeply into my depths. she gets the fur from live dogs and knits stuff for the owners. it is incredible how much fur you can get from a gentle brushing
too
Actually, I worship a giant pumpkin muffin that spins on Its Bone China Plate of Infinite Wisdom and Shoe Repair, sailing and dipping through the Universe seeking to enlighten its inhabitants with a gospel of eat, drink, toke and be merry except for February 12th and October 27th, the high holidays – all believers must gather up raccoon poop and finely ground forest elves to sacrifice in the great Holy Oil Barrel in my back 40.
that’s a keeper, we should put in in our newsletter. thanks sweetie
The banality of people who complain about being treated like a doormat only to continue being a doormat. Sigh. Family or not. What is it going to take?
You sadden me. You’re like battered wife syndrome. Cops come to the door three times. I fell, he’s sorry, he loves me. The fourth time lands you in the hospital. The fifth time they come back the sob has finally killed you.
guys, if you are gonna have a samoyed, it’s either chinook, or nooksta. that’s what i call mytwo, that became eight shortly there after. and yes, i lived in a big ole house then. in fall river yet. they hate the heat, and sometimes kids. i would never trust one around a baby or small child of 3 or 4. there is too much wolf in them,like their cousins, the malamutes. the siberian husky is just about pure wolf and they have been interbred for far too long. they develope problems with the eyes by age 3 or so.