I’m amazed at how often I frequent one aisle for one product only to find a lorn individual standing in the way of the singular thing I covet. Or, they block the whole aisle with their cart and their vacuous, thousand-mile stare. As if the neural connection of desire and product has disappeared, leaving only one drooling fool. It’s obvious you wish to physically move beyond their synaptic void. However, they’re inured to your plight. They don’t even know your there, despite frequent excuse me’s. Their whole world having been reduced to indecision by the myriad choices.
—Shrike
This article appears in Dec 31, 2009 – Jan 6, 2010.
Just part your lips and say those two magical words that get people to move if they’re inadvertently blocking you…”excuse me”. Learn them, use them, and love them.
the blocking in the aisle thing is bad enough;but i’ve had on numerous occasion groups of people congregating right in front of a turnstile catching up on things ; than when you politely ask them to please allow entry into the store well it’s like you asked them for a bj with the look you get; of all the infrequent annoyances of life this one someday could put me over the edge onto something i may regret afterwards
Jai, did you read the bitch? “They don’t even know your there, despite frequent excuse me’s.”
When there’s a cart in the way, I pick up the back end and swing it 45+ degrees. If they give me a dirty look, I smile.
One of the nice things about being just over 6’1″ & 260 lbs is when I ask someone to move…they move. As a matter of fact sometimes I’m in no hurry & don’t care if they move…as soon as they notice me, they sputter all over themselves while moving.
I’m really not that bad a guy…just big & hairy & I’ve been told somewhat intimidating looking.
maybe they think your going to eat them:)
This always seem to happen to me at lockers in men’s changing rooms! There can be a completely empty locker room, and without fail, that fat hairy old dude with his balls hanging past his knees but his penis somehow shrunken into his body has just so happened to use the locker right beside mine. I’m not saying this is intentional or anyone’s fault (in most cases), it’s just not the most pleasant sight having old man cock’n’balls dangling in front of your face while you’re trying to get changed. Or any cock’n’balls for that matter… I’m not like that! Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Yell at them.
I’ve done it. One guy was blocking the entire isle so I said excuse me. He looked at me and then looked back at the stuff on the shelves, so I said it again. Same reaction. So I yelled “EXCUSE ME” and piled through. It takes A LOT for me to be impolite to someone, but sometimes, when dealing with douchebags you HAVE to be a little bit aggressive.
what is it with people in these situations; i realize like when your in say the workforce type A s our going to be well aggressive and kick you to the side to get ahead in the world; i just don’t capice the pa types what exactly is gained by being an asshole or maybe they are so into their own little worlds they can’t function properly
Just fart and wave the smell over to them. Works like a charm.
martym: I don’t mean to pick but this is driving me fucking nuts:
your = possessive
you’re = you are
Please stop using the possessive form of “your” in place of “you’re.”
PLEASE?
sorry i should know better father taught english
Even worse are the ones doing this while on the cellphone to their partner at home:
“So should I get the mushroom or the 4 cheese spaghetti sauce?”
“They have Ragu on sale….”
“It isn’t? I thought we liked that….”
Amazes me how these people kept from starving to death prior to the wireless age.
We’ve been Costco shoppers for like 9 months now and must say the wide aisles make shit like infrequent. The odd time we go to Sobeys or Superstore, we find it infuriating!
In another store, some guy that looked like a biker was kind of straddling two checkouts. I said, “Excuse me but which checkout are you in line for?” “Both!” he gruffly responded. I walked right passed him and was immediately served because someone was just finishing up.
Grocery store aisles should be treated just like roads! Stay to the right, except to pass. No blocking the roadway, no talking on cell phones while driving.
The WORST isle set up is at the joseph howe store that is super. the horizontal isles create a HUGE bottleneck in the check out area during peak times.
What I love doing is getting in front of the wost offenders of this issue: old people. I’ll get in front of them and let them have a taste of their own medicine. First, I’ll make comments on how jam will probably make me a diabetic eventually. Then, I’ll comment how expensive something has gotten, then crowd around an end-cap that has a sale item that they really need (invariably it’s soup, or blocks of cheese, or some shit) and hum and haw over it. I’ll finally turn around and apologize.
This tactic also works for that short period of time when local corn is available in stores and you can husk it there. Old people hate that too. Good times.
old people should be only allowed to shop on the first wed. of the month; that’s when they get their 10% old people discount anywho
Fever, I want to see how well you do when you’re over the hill and have nobody to help you get the shopping done. Actually, I want to see you 30 years from now watching your grandchildren’s grandchildren carry on in a grocery store and see how much respect YOU taught them to have for their elders while you search for your favourite kind of pickles, invented 100 years ago and placed on a shelf with 150 bottles that look just like it… Good times, indeed! You’re an ass.
Bo Gus, it’s not that people starved before wireless. They just didn’t have a say in what was brought home for dinner. Eat it up, brutha.
OP, you’re just not that fuckin’ special. Get over it while I find my favourite soup among 100 other cans that look nearly the same.
As an old geezer, I love to get in and out of the store as quickly as possible so as not to get in the way of you young ‘uns and your oh so important lives.
Kay, I think as long as you kept your cart flush with the side of the aisle (not the isle, I’m pretty sure there are no land masses surrounded by water in the grocery store) the OP wouldn’t have a problem with you.
Shrike, good on you.
Is there something wrong with your young, able body, Iehova? Perhaps your tired old eyes don’t work as well as they used to, huh? Can’t see from over there? Can’t say excuse me in such a way that you’re noticed? In a hurry? That’s not an old timer’s problem.
Martym…don’t let the nazi’s get you down with their leotarded spelling hangups.
I found your comment about persons possibly thinking I might cause them harm…(or did you mean ‘eat’ in a more sexual context 😉 , quite funny.
Y’er interweb co-conspirator-More
eye dinna eben looq ta sea if der wuz sum spellen musteaks
kay— can’t you just read a comment without shitting all over it?
right on brother more proper grammar and spelling are for pussies anywho(i didn’t notice any speeling mistakes)
Another one that bugs the shit out of me are the invariable assholes who decide to have a” OMG It’s been so long since I’ve seen you ” chat in the middle of or at the end of an aisle. I just plow the shit out of whatever they have blocking me. It works, and it works well. Kay, FFS just finally and completely STFU, and moveeeee already you Green ( pick a color ) haired Troll
Here’s what I do, when I see the aisle blocked with a glassy-eyed shopper. If they don’t have their hands on the buggy, I just go over and look into theirs and drive off with it. I’ll leave mine where it is. As they bespy their buggy being pushed up the aisle, they will madly dash behind me stating, that’s their buggy, Yup! I politely give it back and without fail they are out of that aisle. Me, I quitely go back to my abandonded buggy and continue my shopping with a clear aisle.
😉
Can always drop something into their cart when they’re not paying attention either. Or swiping something from theirs instead. The former is much more amusing.
lol Puss-N-Boots, I think I may try that. Aka, asymmetrical warfare.
Kay, I think you missed the point entirely. Isn’t it simple courtesy to keep to one side or the other so as not to impede others while you’re off in Lala land? I think we established in earlier comments that “Excuse me”s often go unheeded or unnoticed. I’ve been known to take my sweet time in selecting my produce, but I at least make an effort to stay out of everyone else’s way.
People at the grocery store are always dazed and confused. They are like zombies staring blankly at prices, doing math in their heads and trying to remember if they have any ketchup at home already.
I think we should have blinkers, brake lights and horns on shopping carts hahaha
Just as bad as when people are moving along at a good pace in front of you, and then they randomly just stop right in the middle of the busiest part of the store.
Have you ever forgotten to get something and had to navigate your way “backwards” through the grocery store? Practically impossible, people see you coming towards them through the meat dept on your way to the produce and just freeze right in the way like they’ve been caught shop lifting.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one noticing all these on-goings!
I too notice the people who stop their carts in the center of an aisle while staring off into Thai noodles or whatever the case may be. More, you must be talking about a different person because they really don’t hear or see anyone around them. I usually wind up just smashing their cart out of the way with mine to snap them out of it.
I also hate the “sudden stopper”… following someone along at a good pace then, WHAM! OMG yay hot dogs!!! Dead stop. It takes every ounce of compassion for idiocy I have not to just tear the tender part of their heels off with my cart.