So you’re looking for your friend. But you don’t know which unit she lives in. That’s ok. Why not use the process of elimination and start walking into random units yelling for her? Knocking is a good idea and I’ll give you that much credit you tried that. But when I didn’t answer the door immediately, you opened the door and strolled on in yelling her name.

I suppose if you want to take a broad view of the thing, it’s my fault for not locking my door during broad daylight. Now that I know a crazed psycho stalker with the IQ of a raisin is prowling around the property, I will.

Don’t try that again. All you will find here is an old fashioned cast iron frying pan upside your head. And a generous kick to the balls when your sorry ass hits the floor. —Not Your Friend

This article appears in Sep 29 – Oct 5, 2011.

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18 Comments

  1. you do realize that you were being burgled right??

    you are very lucky, criminals do that technique all the time when they test for dumbasses leaving their doors unlocked when they arnt home, or in your case home. They knock, listen, open the door and say hey is “so and so there” and then they steal all your shit when they see no ones home. You are very lucky they were not into home invasion or you could have been in deep shit.

    lock your fucking doors even when you are home!

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  2. What KillBrindi said. You dodged a bullet and learned a good lesson , very cheaply. Don’t count on luck to keep you safe. You need to be lucky all the time; the scumbags and predators only need to get lucky once. It doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of your own shadow, but FFS citizens, stay smart and stay safe.

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  4. I think the OP was hit with a cast iron frying pan to not realize what the hell was happening in this situation……..fuck, bet you are rushing home at this moment to lock the doors………..’cause they will return!

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  5. When someone unknown & unwanted walks into your home uninvited, that is the same as breaking & entering.
    IF I come & your door is wide open & I walk in & take something it is no less of a crime , than if I broke your lock & went in & took something. They are both illegal acts.
    So call a cop & they’ll fix the problem for you.

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  12. Ahhh..The Guns of Navarone…one of my all time faves, Ivan.

    Wow Painy…what a fantastic story! Is that the same Galen “Presidents Choice” Weston that we see on the tele ads? I had no idea of the connections.
    The pilot, Bud Wolfe’s story sounds just as amazing. Leave it to the Irish to run a POW camp where you are free to come and go at will so long as you’re back before curfew lol. Hilarious.

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  13. It wasn’t so much a P.O.W. camp as an internment camp, because the Irish Republic was officially neutral in WW2. Enemy combatants were not permitted to return to their own countries, but were given the chance to give their parole and enjoy life in a place without rationing or blackouts. Pilots who were downed and interned in places like Sweden, Ireland and Switzerland had to face a rough choice. Try to get back into the fight with whatever help their embassies might provide or sit out the war. U.S. pilots in the Pacific who had to ditch in Soviet Territory had it much rougher because until the last 2 weeks of the war the Russians were neutral in the war against Japan. And, being the Soviets, their internment camps were indistinguishable from the Gulag.
    This will be on the midterm.

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  14. What the hell were you thinking leaving your door unlocked? You think just because you are home your safe?
    Doesn’t matter how many people are over visiting we always have our door locked.
    You never know when you might have some random person come in and rob you or try to rob you.
    Always lock your door even if you are home. Too many crazy people out there now.

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  15. I wonder if this was my building… a couple weekends ago I was doing some laundry one evening so I was in and out of my place but I always locked the door. I heard a lot of commotion for what seemed like twenty minutes on and off in the hallway but I just thought someone was having a party or something. I peaked out my peep hole and there was this group of three loud tools who were going on about how they didn’t know where their friend lived and were knocking on doors but no one would answer – good thing! I had to leave to get my clothes and waited until the toolpack was down the hall and when I left they were like, “Hey do you know where Jeremy lives?” PS my building has like 140 units so obviously I don’t know who the fuck “Jeremy” is. I told them no and you could tell they were drunk or something. They went on to say how they were at a party there before but were “Soooo drunk LOL” they couldn’t remember which apartment was his. So they strolled around the building on other floors I assume and must have decided to drink in the elevator because there was some beer bottles in there and beer spilled on the floor. It was lovely. Fucking skeezes.

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