I love my mother-in-law very much, and and value the great relationship she maintains with me, my wife, and our children. I am not bitching about her. I am writing this to bitch about the hundred fucking Furbys she has arranged neatly on every single shelf or unoccupied surface in her house! Fuck! One of the grandkids bought her one of the adorable little fuckers back when they first came out. Now, everyone gets her one of them for Christmas, and birthdays, and Easter, and May Day and Halloween and every other opportunity they can think of. The little buggers are hard to come by, so everyone in the family makes it a competition to see who can give her the best one for a holiday.
Now, she has a tonne of these fuckers sitting up on her shelves staring down at me. They creep me out! When we go over to her place, she is sitting in the kitchen or whatever holding one in her lap, and she asks my kids if they would like to pet one. They too hate the fuckers, but are nice and get excited and ask for the red one, or the one with the hat, or some such nonsense. For a whole Sunday afternoon we have to sit there with the cute little fucks, pretending it is the best thing in the world. She is a sweet woman, but come on! They’re giving me nightmares! Hundreds of noses and beaks staring me down, waiting to way something witty to me. I can only imagine what will happen when some day they all wake from their slumber, unite, and peck the fuck out of all of us. Fucking Hitchcock was on to something.
—Annoyed and Scared
This article appears in Jun 18-24, 2009.
I gave a Furby to one of my kids years ago – she took one look at it and started howling – she was fucking terrified of the goddamn thing. It’s been sitting in a box in my basement for about 10 years. I’m tempted to bring it out and give it to her as a birthday present but she’d probably have a fucking seizure. Furbys certainly captured the market on creepy-as-fuck.
Side note: the same kid still doesn’t know I killed her Tamagouchi.
I can see that being scary but it is your mother in law and it is what she loves so let her love them
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ahhhh…single tear. best bitch ever.
Long lost video of what TTFN *really* did:
http://tinyurl.com/m26rlc
Christ almighty, the woman is old and enjoys cute fuzzy things. As long as they aren’t taking over YOUR house i don’t see the problem. Put a smile on your face, quit your whining and be happy to share one of the few joys this poor woman probably has left in her life. I really don’t understand why it’s such an inconvenience to you.
Hey, Dino, you just made me swallow a cold veggie samosa whole – too fucking funny!
First the pasta primavera, now the samosa…be careful it’s not a big honkin’ donair next time ’cause you’ll be GONE.
Not with that yummy donair sauce slip-sliding down the old neck tube.
It could be worse. It could be Tribbles.
those cabbage patch kids were kinda creepy but these furbys i know not what these be
You could always use them to put on an impromptu puppet show to pass the time while at her house…
I had tribbles all over my place until my klingon roommate moved in. After that, I’m a little fuzzy on my past.
Don’t buy a stuffed one, get her a live one and end the madness!
Furbys are awful, awful little things, but that’s nothing compared to what I had to deal with. Anyone else remember Teddy Ruxpin dolls?
the talking ones that tilt his head and his lips move?
oh yeah… same with big bird,
My only issue is that we don’t get to see any pictures!
They’re not in your house, why are you so pissed?!