I met this guy at a party. We hit it off really well and began dating. On our 6th date, we had sex. It was okay, not amazing, but it was our first time together– of course it’s not going to be mind blowing. We used to text every day, but then he stopped messaging me. Three weeks later and I still didn’t hear from him. So I emailed him.
He emailed me back and this was the gist of his message:
“Hey, I had a few too many drinks so now I’m able to tell you this. I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m sorry but the sex was absolutely awful. You don’t have much experience do you? Also, you need to trim and clean a little better. I’m so sorry to be bearer of bad news, hon.”
I stared at the message in shock and think am I actually reading this?!! I thought that maybe it was joke or it was just the booze talking, but then I found out from a friend that when he was sober he did say I was awful and was hairy and smelly down under!! You got to be fucking kidding me! As someone who does trim and shower every day, and has had sex on average 10 times a month for the past 8 years, this is utter bullshit! Why would this guy make up shit and blame the mediocre sex on me? What a fucking tool!! —Stupid guys
This article appears in Nov 25 – Dec 1, 2010.
Did you honestly think he was going to blame the lousy sex on himself? Pay no mind to this, OP, he’s probably just trying to save face around his buddies.
You need a second opinion OB, pick me pick me :>)
OK… that is a really mean thing for the guy to do, BUT… sexual chemistry is definitely important. Also, if you’re showering everyday and you maybe do smell, maybe you should get tested. As for the trimming thing, a lot of guys mean shaved when they say trimmed. It’s your call on what you do with regards to your hair down there, but a lot of hair can make it kind of smelly. It just feels more clean when it’s bare… but to each his own.
he’s an asshole regardless
Stupid Guys? How about stupid women who do the dirty after six dates. Then you, OB, complicate things more by sayiing you’ve had sex at least ten times a month for the last eight years. Was it with different guys or the same guy.
I get tired of women blaming men for wham bam thank you ma’am. A little advice. If you want a keeper, then stop giving it away so soon.
Ya, it was a little harsh and aggressive, really. He could have just said “I’m not into you, sorry”. Consider yourself lucky you didn’t get real attached yet.
I don’t know about the whole “why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free” argument either, women like to have sex too, why hold out if you like the guy? Though perhaps her “jerk” radar wasn’t fully switched on. Bet it is now though, eh, OP?
Um…Tim, six dates isn’t too soon. Geesh, I usually give in on the 3rd date.
PF – hair can make it kind of smelly – really? I didn’t know that. The only reason I like a bald pussy, is for the feel of that extra soft skin on my face.
Oh Hugo, now you’re just talking dirty…. meeeow!
This guys obviously a douche because real men don’t bad talk a woman after sex. Also take PF’s advice….when they say trim, they don’t want any carpet matching the drapes…not even an area rug sweetie. Smells…well consult a doctor.
Also it kills me to say it…but take Bro Tims advice…if you want a keeper then wait 90 days before handing out the benefits! I bet your 6 dates were counting the night you met, and the following week you were in the sack……be honest.
Hugo….I had to do a double take…thought I was reading the Sucksters comments.
With Suckulous out of town, someone’s got to pick up the slack.
Sounds like he had one thing, and one thing only one his mind – to have sex with you. That’s all he wanted. He’s probably pissed it took 6 dates to get it. Either way, he’s an ass and likely has done this many times. Hopefully he’ll pick up a colony of crabs and bedbugs.
90 days, eh?
90 days?!!? I slept with my Hubby on the beginning of our 2nd date. Go figure.
Gee, a guy actually does some work for 15 minutes, and Ivan posts the witty retort I had perpared 😉
RC, I don’t think I’ve ever waited 3 months befroe doing the dirty, but I don’t put out on the first date, that’s for sure.
Hugo, don’t lie. You’d like to give it up on the first date. LOL. And yes the guy used you, but you let him. No different if it was the other way around, she does you and then ignores you. It does work both ways. Let me make this easy, you’re both idiots. In order to be a fucker, one needs a fuckee and in this case both were willing participants.
That’s waaaaay too long. Frig that. I’m with you HaliwoodGirl. Um, we kind of just slept together, then got to know one another and had a proper date and relationship. Oh well, nearly 2 years after that first time… 🙂 But there was a pile of chemistry, and, well, I just wanted it. Ha ha.
mmm, I hear ya, ralmn! lol He pulled the “come over and watch a movie at my place” deal. I didn’t even get a “hi” out before he grabbed me and carried me away. Chemistry = must. You’ll get that on the 1st date. Now, we’re happily married and I go on maternity leave tomorrow 🙂
*prepared*
That’s me Ralmn, dirty old man…woof
Woohoo! Yay HG – and congrats. I think that was something I missed from my first *ahem* marriage. It was also my first serious relationship, ended badly, so I knew what I wanted this time around, and being swept off my feet was part of the deal that was well played on my man’s end. 🙂
You’ve got a long ways to go before you’re suckulicious caliber though, Hugo. I give you full marks for effort though *mouse ears*. (I have a soft spot for dirty old men, they’re some of my favourite people – just at arm’s length – ha ha)
Phhhht. You won’t even introduce yourself to one. Giggity >; )
I said 90 days for benefits because that’s the normal protocol for work – 3 month probation…lol (Steve Harvey..Act like a lady, think like a man). Me and my partner did it after 3 weeks….a very long 3 weeks….that killed me….and him! But it was worth it cause at the time I needed to know he wasn’t going anywhere and he respected me for that. But the truth is If YOU know YOURSELF well enough, then there’s no time limit…but this OP is a kid pretty much.
OB… at least you found out what a douchbag he is…wait a second…I take that back, a douche bag actually has a use, & that asshole probably doesn’t .
As for first time sex being awful, or not all that great, I don’t know what the rest of you’ve been up to…but I’ve always thought of my first time in bed with someone , as the time to rock their fucking world . How the hell are you going to make an impression on a girl (my point of view as a male) if ” wham ,bam, thank you ma’am ” is how you treat your first time together.
Fuck that !
Make it memorable, if she’s worth taking home & spending time with…if its not a prostitute or a drunk fuck at a summer party for example, I don’t get the attitude of use her ,abuse her at all !
But maybe I’ve been going about it all wrong !?!
@ Hugo Phurst, the Suckster would be proud, or should be , by your picking up the slack !
~;)
Congrats HG…I was wondering if you had that baby yet. Good luck!
oooh… but you aren’t dirty old man, Ivan (though, you might be), you’re the venerable Colonel Ivan! Yikes!
I’ll be brave next time, promise. Maybe even bring you one of my famous gingerbread men.
I know bald beaver is soft the first day, Hugo, but it’ll have the texture of a barbeque brush by day three. By day seven, you wouldn’t have to buy dental floss anymore.
My BF and I waited….we didn’t :D! We met at a party once, there was something there sort of. We met again not too long after and *BANG* we banged. And it was great and we’re still together after 2 years and 4 months. I don’t have a set, exact amount of days I have before I choose to have sex with someone, we just do it when the timing “is right” I guess!
Thanks! He’s still in there baking; 36 weeks. Soon, hopefully. I’m done with being pregnant lol
OMG, haligirl! I just realized what your av was…. I LOVE SHERA! Yeah, she was so awesome when I was growing up.
There was this old show called Jack & Jill I watched a few times and the girl on it said…12 dates, 3 months or until he says I love you……then some dude said on the first date “would you believe I love you”….it was cute.
nice HG…hopefully you don’t go over! Pregnancy sucks, and you had to deal through the hot summer too…not fun. It’ll all be worth it soon.
Frankly, I don’t believe a word of it.
And I refuse to be a rat in a maze.
I have no doubt in my mind that the guy was being a douche and that you are totally better off without him. Just laugh at his obviousness and move on to bigger and better – pun intended. But I disagree with what you said about sex. First sex with someone new should be mind numbingly amazing and set the bar for all your future encounters. You should not be able to form a cohesive thought pattern for sometime after said encounter. You should wonder if perhaps your partner memorized the kama sutra and if he’s plowed into your clam like a fat man coming out of the desert and finding a buffett, so much the better. If you have been putting up with ok and not amazing, you need to raise your standards.
I agree with Javagirl, I still remember my first encounter with my first wife 20 years ago. Sure, it gets better (or worst at times) but if you’re not rocking it from the get go, WTF?
Anyway, maybe this will help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTKI9OUGVGU
There’s a lot to be said for actually really getting to know a person before adding intimacy to the situation. Why give the most intimate part of yourself -your sexual persona and your private parts- to someone before getting to know them well enough to decide if they are even worthy of you? For recreational sex? There’s not much worse than realizing that you’ve shared your nudity and sexual performance with an asshat! If people stopped treating each other as sex objects, maybe more respect for each other would be the result and the OP would not be receiving a sexual report card from someone who clearly seems to be only interested in the use of her genitalia , than the actual OP herself, as a person. Integrity is a two-way street.
As a personal rule for myself, I don’t have sex outside of a committed relationship… it keeps me safe from stupid situations like this. I’ve actually gone on a few dates with guys who had serious problems with my morals, continually trying to pressure me into casual sex outside of a relationship.
My response: “There is an entire campus of girls who would be more than willing to sleep with you; I’m just not one of them”
His response: “Well fuck this”
…and never heard from him again. Just goes to show that he was interested in my body, and not me as a person. That’s certainly not what I want, and it doesn’t sound like it’s what you want either, OP. It’s still a tough pill to swallow: the fact that someone doesn’t want you. Please don’t let any of this discourage you. I still like to believe there are good guys out there; you just have to find them.
the skinny and the oceanchick speak wisely
you gets what you seek sunshine, or you have been looking in the wrong place, again.ask anyone.
OB. Look at the bright side. At least you dodged that bullet. Better than getting into a relationship with that bag-o-shit.
He was a tad harsh with the email I must admit.
Skinny and Oceanchick…on the nose!
ROFL! Do you have a long memory? Sounds like you ran into this dude;
http://www.thecoast.ca/LovetheWayWeBitch/a…
and what the fuck is the matter with a bit of hair and a little smell. shit, i’m okay with that.look for me.
I think that what we have here can be resolved by a little philosophical reflection. There are certain expressions and phrases that need conceptual clarification.
What, for example, is “trim and clean.” Is there an objective, independent criterion for this or is it relative to the individual? In other words, how “trim” is “clean?” Are these incompatible concepts or is “trim and clean” a constant across cultural borders?
In the same way, what exactly is to be understood by “hairy and smelly under?” Is this an independent phenomenon or, rather, is it culturally dependent? Would a Turk, for example, find you hairless and olefactorily attractive while a sophisticated resident of Spryfield would find you “hairy and smelly under?” These questions, as I am sure you will agree, must be addressed, and at sufficient length.
Of course, you will understand that further discussion of these concepts will require still further clarifications but such, alas, is the nature of philosophy.
Thank you for your understanding and concern.
Cheerio!
Cheerio!
Oh Dear God, I literally just opened ltwwb & what do I see? “little philosophical reflection”
I laughed, I haven’t even read a single post. Damm, this is going to be fun.
ANNIE, when’s the last time you saw you dick? …without using a mirror.
Oh dear, you ladies have me wrong…..I not the same type of dirty old man as the suckster, I’m more of a donald sutherland dirty old man :>)~
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder 😉
Metric 69 – 181
You know, it’s bitches like these that make me strongly consider adopting the concept of “no sex before marriage”….
FUCK people are mean.
here’s a real fucking gem folks.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81963
Just to be on the safe side, I’d get tested OP. Some bad smells are associated with STI’s. I’m not saying he isn’t a jerk or isn’t lying, just that it’s better to be safe than sorry on the off chance he was telling you the truth. Frequent showering does not a nice smelling vagina make. Some scented soaps can actually make it smell worse believe it or not. But besides the STI thing, your diet and exercise habits also affect smell down there. As well as what part of your cycle you are on, and some medications… I think…
Anyway, the whole condescending “the sex was awful, you don’t have much experience do you?” bit was uncalled for and mean. That part is what makes me think that he’s taking cheap shots at your hygiene just to be a dick… BUT
I have a lot of respect for people who have the balls to tell their sex partners that they smell bad as long as it’s for the right reasons. The right reasons being concerns about your health and well being.
If you want to make yourself feel better you could always reply with a “That’s okay you were really small anyway.” Although it will cause you to lose some class and sink to his level… but hey.
Yeah, don’t listen to the morons here telling you to get yourself tested for STDs because someone said you’re smelly. One, you’re probably not that smelly and it was likely just something the douchebag said to be mean. Second, lady parts smell of lady parts, especially while having sex and they’re all juiced up. That guy probably has only ever had sex with women who shave all their hair off and spend hours scrubbing their vulvas to utter boring scent-free zones. Women who look like 10 year olds between the legs and are about as intelligent and mature as 10 year olds in their heads as well.
If you’re having sex an average of ten times a month presumably with different people you should be getting regular STI checks anyway.
pav., man you are so right. people have oders, some more than others, but what the fuck is wrong with a little musky smell there. to a lot of dudes, that is a bigger turn on than viagra. count the suckster in on that.
I once saw a licence plate that said “I’m not a dirty old man, I’m a sexy senior citizen.”.
Well annie, I finally read your post from last night – sad, very sad.
You call it a philosophical reflection. More like a sniggering, junior-high, locker-room commentary. Grow up smeagol, you immaturity and lack of ability is showing.
I think a common problem with smells is that most people don’t wash BEFORE and AFTER sex. I do and refuse to have sex if I can’t wash beforehand. It’s better for everyone and doesn’t “kill the mood” as much as bad smells can! I also like to shave off allll hair down there completely. That’s just my preference. I don’t care if I look “10” down there, I just don’t like the look and feel of a bush or even a little “strip”. It has nothing to do with my intelligence. And despite what a lot of people said here, it’s not normal to smell bad down there…it’s this little area of your body that’s inclosed in fabric and smooshed closed with legs most of the day, it’s not going to smell good all the time which is why it needs to be cleaned more than just once a day in the morning shower and especially before sex.
bidets are the bomb bitches. they are not drinking fountains for pets or short people or beer
http://www.vagabondish.com/wp-content/uplo…
The very first comment, by TTFN sums it up best.
He’s projecting blame when he might well do better by taking his own inventory.
If there is anything you even *possibly* neglected to do was notice this guy was an asshole previous to fucking him.
In time, and experience you’ll hopefully learn to see the red flags of this kind of self centered ignorant behavior.
It’s not nice if he’s spreading this around about you, but it happens.
It happened to me at least once that I know of.
But fate has a funny way of getting back to people like that.
I’ve heard many a conversation from young males who are talking too loud, and it’s “always” someone else’s fault.
Oh, they’re the best lover in the world, “but so and so was lousy”.
Hopefully you are attracted to guys who are not only attractive to you, but also are genuine nice people.
Nice people care about others feelings, but a jack ass who just wants you to stick his dick in you is just that.
For future reference try to zoom in more on the guys personality and character… if he has either.
If they don’t… you have to use your best judgement.
6 weeks is not too soon as one of the commenters has eluded.
Another young male know-it-all punk.
It’s knowing the personality.
If you’re getting it 8 times a month… good for you!
So long as neither party is being dishonest to the other, in terms of what you have, and so long as niether one of you is unfairly bad-mouthing the other.
To feel comfortable and relaxed sexually with someone often takes time for the trust to feel right.
When it does you can both get as freaky as you want to without worry of personal attacks or the easy way out of everything…blaming others
melectric good comment….I always felt the same way…I can’t smell anything in that area, but it’s all bunched up all day in a warm dark place….I use baby wipes after bathroom breaks….I just feel fresher and I know if I were going to be putting my face in that area I’d like it to be at its cleanest.
I agree melectric. Hardwood floors are a LOT easier to keep clean than carpets.
Hairy armpits on women are deemed masculine by most people yet that most feminine areas of female anatomy sporting a ‘beard’ is not. Go figure. Skin to skin contact is so much better without the hair barrier ladies. Which would you rather kiss? A dude with a fresh shave and clean face or a guy with an unwashed, smelly beard?
i’ll take the washed beard please oceansis^^hardwood floors are better for keeping fleas at bay too
To each their own, cyber-sis!
It should not be forgotten that we all have a natural scent that is either attractive or unattractive to potential mates. This is likely why the OP was rejected. Her scent might be highly attractive to another guy but not to this particular fellow. The crassness of his response is just proves my previous point about actually investing the time to find out more about the person than their genital anatomy, i.e. their character, integrity and even if their aromatic qualities are a match.
the bear smells awesome and he makes me laugh large^^
dervish, if you are female, i think i’m in love, oh well, back to the cellar, call me for supper ma.
Confidence and security issues that’s why OP.
My husband & I did it on the first night; but I figured that because we did, neither of us would be able to take eachother seriously, so I blew him off for 2 months…until the weekend I planned to travel his way to see a mutual friend who was back in town and he sent me a message saying he was looking forward to seeing me. I didn’t sleep with him that night, but the following weekend when he came to visit me, we never left the bed 🙂
Congratulations HG! Get as much sleep as you can between now and the big day! For some reason, I never slept better in my life than I did the final 6 weeks of my pregnancy…it was pure bliss.