Being in a rush or being forgetful is no excuse! If I have to walk into another public bathroom stall and see shit in the toilet I am going to explode. What’s the big deal? Press the handle. No one needs to see that you had spicy food for dinner. —Disgusted

This article appears in Mar 31 – Apr 6, 2011.

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53 Comments

  1. Thank David Suzuki and Elizabeth May for those low-flow toilets, you know the kind that are meant to save water but you have to flush 4 or 5 times to make sure your freshly hatched activists make it to the harbour.
    Also, the steady devolution of humanity.

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  2. yeah o.p., but don’t you get a kick out of watching it swirling down the pipes. kind like a minature whirlpool and the turd a boat. does the captain of the crabs go down with it too, i wonder?

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  3. On my last internship I worked with this guy who was like… freaking awesome. Older guy. From Trinidad but clamed to be from Digby whenever I asked him. Had middle finger post its. Said fuck a lot. ANYWAY, he came into my office I shared with the other co op student and the IT chick and started a random conversation with us about how the little “floaters” never seem to flush and how you can flush and flush, but there’s always one little turd sitting there at the top of the bowl water taunting you. He was there for a good hour complaining about the unflushable floaters.

    HAHA, I had totally forgotten about that (and him) until now. I miss that office. Gained 20lbs in four months working there because we ordered donairs every day for lunch and ate pepperoni every day for breakfast. *sigh* Damn me and my nostalgia and expressionist social style.

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  8. My cousin got me a set of post its for xmas one year that has bad words (fuck, shit, pussy, cunt, etc…) written on them in all different sizes.

    They’re *awesome*

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  9. On that note I would like to add to this bitch.

    People REALLY, REALLY need to learn about courtesy flushes. There is no need to let the stew brew and make anyone who enters the washroom in the next hour vomit. I understand sometimes courtesy flushing cannot completely eliminate odor but it certainly does most of the time. Oh, I guess I should explain more what it is. After you’re “done” flush it down then cleanse yourself and then flush the rest. The Green folk won’t like that one much either but just try sharing a washroom with a hoard of old women. Effing SICK.

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  13. suh-weeet, thanks Z

    people should automatically flush. i mean really, you wouldnt leave it sitting in your toilet at home.

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  17. pretty kitty, that joke was originally an Eddie Murphy stand up bit … it was either on RAW or DELERIOUS. He was copying Richard Prior’s delivery and style of joke telling.

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  18. just don’t forget if you have consumed large bowls of borscht…you are not dying^^

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  22. Oh GOD PG — that reminds me of when I was 18 months old and I was on some sort of medication that turns your poop bright red. When my nanny (babysitter nanny, not grandmother nanny :P) changed my diaper and it was blood red, she called my mom frantic thinking my intestines were bleeding out. My mom had forgotten to tell her I was on medication and that that would happen. Poor thing was the sweetest older lady and my mom felt absolutely awful. 🙁

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  24. excellent, a family dinner or a friday isn’t complete without turlet humour

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  26. Who remembers when they were 18 months old??? PK you’re crazy.

    Also it was RAW. Delirious he wears a red leather suite.

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  27. Actually I didn’t write that very well — I remember my mom telling me that when I was 18 months old.

    My first memory is being potty trained when I was 2.

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  29. *I remember my mom telling me about when I was 18 months old and this happened.

    Fuck I can’t put a decent sentence together anymore. Must be time go to home! 😀

    Have a great weekend y’all. I’m on a LTWWB vacation for a bit. Talk to you all soon 🙂

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  31. yes to the borscht uncle vanya, i don’t forget much, plus i ♥ that wacky beety soup. sour cream is a must

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  32. Someone told me there’s actually a site where people post pictures of their floatables.

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  36. Some people need instruction how to flush the toilet. I see radioactive yellow pee and lincoln logs unflushed. This is at the office. I can’t believe adults do this type of shit.
    Duty! Hey Lois…diarrhea!

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  37. Actual pictures of:
    poop, turds, poo, shits, schit, crap, dookie, poo poo, cacas, fecal, shite, doody, ass head, faeces, diarrhea, stinky, the big smelly, nancy, kaka, dump, dropping the kids of at the lake, stinky doodie, chit

    … I don’t even, I can’t, no.

    WAIT

    Pg, google ‘2 girls 1 cup’. I dare you.

    This is how I saw that for the first time. A friend signed on MSN and wrote … “have you seen 2g1c?” signed out and left me alone with my curiosity. Bad choice.

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  38. Yeah – I ambushed PK with Blue Waffle. Even begged people not to google it. Heh Heh Heh.

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  39. Yes, it is Ivan — summit is a go. I’m just taking a short vacation to finish a book I’ve been reading and get a few naps in instead of hanging around the internet as much as I do 🙂 Already have six confirmed on the FB page!

    I’ll send bread lady the details early next week to confirm and she can pass it on!

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  40. no donkster, and you can’t make me^^a poster had already used that photo ouat ivan. i take your warnings seriously, as we all should…obey the signs bitches. heehaw

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  42. love that movie, not to be confused with the dirty dozen. kelly’s heros was made three years later

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  45. fuck donk, with a bit of whipped cream on top, that would be almost good looking. but i am a perv i guess and nothing bothers me, except fucking maggots. ugh, they are the grossest fucking thing on this planet. i would rather watch 50 shit eating vids, than 1 5 second maggot video.

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  46. oh, and don’t forget the cherry topper. and a nic pic coming up later tonight. n.g.f. will like this one tho.

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  47. jees you guys talk a load of shit (yeah i know that jokes been done but who cares).

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  48. Dual flush toilets are cool for piss, but not so much for shit. They still save boatloads of water though. The trick is to not buy the cheapest toilet out there (thank you Holmes Inspection!). It’s all in the engineering, and engineering costs money.

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  50. I have a Shit Law, which is kind of a Russian nesting egg of Shit Laws.

    The Outside Part of the Law- “When I Gotta, I Gotta Wait”
    I noticed that whenever I need to use the handicapped washroom stall, the greater the chance someone went in their to destroy their assflaps with a burning dump (that no amount of flushing or match lighting can erase the horror of).

    (big breath for air)

    Ancillary law is

    The Inner Part of the Egg- “The Inverse Proportionate Law of Doodie Size/Volume To Stall Size”
    The bigger the shit, the more room people need to deliver said Destruction. If it’s a normal poo, a normal stall will do.
    If the size and volume of the movement could break your back, you need the larger handicapped stall to deliver. I think the extra space is to also cut down on the lethal density of the fumes, and allow the shitter to extend their legs and arms, flailing if needed.

    Too much science?

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  51. Never too much science Wheels. Learning Rawks here at the Montessori School of the Damned.

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  53. Aye-oop. He still sports the scar on his forehead from when Mr. Ford accidentally lammed him with a boathook.

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