So I had this toaster oven through university… loved the thing, though it wasn’t permitted. Rejuvenated many a slice of pizza back in the day… I can’t really complain when it crapped out… it was only $30 and lasted a few years.
I then resorted to using my gf’s toaster.
If Satan’s grandmother had a toaster…. this would be it.
That fucking thing had hairpin settings so that you had to put the god damned toast in 3 times to get it done or put it up a fraction of a millimeter and it charred the thing to a crisp.
Once we went through many toast casualties on the front line, I got it set to as high as I could without it cremating the toast…
but see after putting it down more than once in a row, it would overheat and you had to wait for the fucking thing to cool off before being able to continue on your toasting journey. Who the fuck has 15 minutes every time they want a GOD DAMN piece of toast?!?!?! not an impatient University student, that’s for fucking sure. God forbid, we both wanted toast…. I could make a crispy salmon in half the fucking time.
Sad fact is, I never got to fulfill my dream of going office space on that rage inducing piece of shit toaster. I wanted to give it the ol’ flying elbow SO bad…. but it was discarded before I could do so.
Then we got a Toastation (google images…. it’s a real thing)
What a piece of farking shit that pile is. It looks and sounds fucking magical on paper…. too bad someone can’t apply common sense into the actual production. The entire bottomt element goes after 8 months… then one of the two top elements go, leaving a single top element only cooking one side of my fucking toast at a time and rendering the toasteroven part of it practically useless..
so for a couple months, I resorted to waiting 15 minutes for toast yet again, having to flip it every time I wanted both sides toasted.
Fucking satanic, all time consuming, piece of shit toasters.
—zZz
This article appears in Apr 30 – May 6, 2009.
I think it is time for you to get a new toaster!
wal mart $10!
LOL, sounds like your having fun with the toasters.
rather strange bitch, but I did giggle at your toasting misfortune (sorry!). I like toaster ovens rather than toasters. Cost a little more (though you can sometimes still get them around $30, maybe cheaper) but they seem to work better for me, as I don’t like dark toast…I can actually see how toasted the things are. Also good for tuna melts whereas you might not want to try that in a toaster lol 🙂
Put your cock and toast and eat the fucking cock
Excellent logic, fucker.
PS: Kitchen Aid is probably the best. With Jane, Walmart’s your best bet.
Shit, I bought a generic 10 dollar toaster from Save Easy back in Wolfville back in like early 2005 and that fucker’s STILL going strong. Perfect toast every time making for a very enjoyable toasting experience.
I inherited an expensive ass toaster from my dead grandmother few years back (it was brand new — the old bag keeled over before she could open the box) and it lasted 6 months, so now I’m back to old faithful.
Moral of the story? Go buy yourself a cheap ass toaster.
gotta agree we have a 10 dollar superstore toaster we got in the year 2000 and it still works good still makes good toast
fucking toast….
I’m going back to a dark place there.
Cheap-ass toasters are the best on the market. One thing you don’t want to go cheap on though is a blender. Tried to make Margaritas with a 20 dollar blender one night, and let me tell you, it was not a pretty night. Especially when I decided that it was easier to shoot the bloody Tequila as opposed to making girly drinks with it.
zZz,
Thank you for the obviously painful recount. I was so confused earlier.
By the way, did I read this correctly? Did you have to put the bread into the toaster in 4 different orientations to get the job done? …3/4 of the elements burnt out?!
I have a black and decker toaster oven, and it works great. I think it was only like $30 after a rebate at L&T, but of course they don’t exist anymore. Toaster ovens are the way to go for sure. Tuna melts, mini pizzas on english muffins, veggie dogs, you can make so much stuff in there!
Re: “Flipping my Fucking Toast”
that sucks. I used to only use the oven, and that was annoying too because if you felt like toast you had to wait another 20 minutes at least to heat up the broiler.