Doorbell rings. Two young men are standing there smiling. I know right away what they want. To save us all some time, I say, Sorry, boys, I’m gay. Their smiles falter, but the youngest one regroups quickly saying, We can help you with that. The other one backs him up with an uncertain smile. (Now I know they mean well, and I also know what they mean: they think that they can make me not gay. Well, if my father couldn’t do it (and boy did he try), then no one else is going to be able to alter the unalterable.)
Anyway, I look at these two cleancut boys standing there all eager, and I cannot help myself. I look them in the eye, smile, and I say, Oh, you can help me with that, can you? It only takes a second, then a blink. The oldest one blushes, grabs the younger one by the sleeve, and they’re gone.
—Denied
This article appears in Oct 15-21, 2009.
While I don’t see how this is a bitch (more like a complete and utter WIN) I must give it an A+ for awesomeness
HA HA HA. I agree, this was great. That boy will have some confusing thoughts tonight I tell ya what.
This
Is
Awesome!!
Way to go OP!! I would have loved to see the look on their smarmy little faces when you said that.
What a pair of fucking boneheads. I can’t believe there are idiots out there that think they can ‘de-gay’ someone. Figures that they’re religious.
I tell them I kill Commies for Christ. Well I usually never got to the second half. LOL.
its too much fun fuckin with these sheep…the last time they showed up on our doorstep my hubby was home alone and they interrupted him in the john…he goes to the door bellowing you came while i was talking a crap…i hate being bothered when i’m talking a dump…they ran away right some quick
Call me odd but I find that a polite ‘no thanks I have my own spirituality – not interested – thank you for thinking of me though’ and then shutting the door works just fine.
That being said the OP’s response to this is priceless! It is also honest and immediate.
Well played, well played.
Last time that happened to me I said that I was an evolutionist and they left promptly.
i started out being polite oceanlady…but they seem to be on our street every week…they park at one end and work their charm…if i see them coming i say no thanks before they even knock on the door…but these folks are coming to my home uninvited and spewing drivel its hard not to relish bursting their holier than thou bubble of ignorance
When it comes to religious people. They get my tolerance ( to a point ) but they certainly don’t get my respect.
You can’t pray away the gay!
Doesn’t everyone know that religion cures everything?
Just remember – GOD LOVES YOU AND HE NEEDS MONEY! Thank you, Mr. Carlin.
theres fossils…i win
Bwahaha. This is the best thing I’ve read on here hands down.
Perfect response OP! I feel free to say whatever I want to these people – as we have all learned, being religious doesn’t necessarily make you virtuous, and to have these people showing up at houses unsolicited is to me anyways, at the very least a nuisance and at the worst insulting.
Unfortunately telling them you have your own spirituality, or that you’re gay doesn’t work.
They’re on a mission to save souls, and if you’re not a member of their church, you’re fair game for a savin’.
Although, right now I am wishing I was a gay dude with a quick wit like the OP, instead of just a Wiccan who flashes her pentacles at the boys who assume it means I worship Satan…
I never heard them called ‘pentacles’ before (jus’ teasin’ ya = )
Hey, how do we know this is a guy–this could work either way!
either that you are gay,or tell them you are a practising member of the church of satan.i did the member thing on a couple of these people from a tower grup,and i bet they are still fucking running.
putting blood donation stickers “I give blood” helps or you could just awnser your door naked.