You come up to me today and tells me there were 2 complaints from customers about my farting. I don’t think so. I do have more than average windage if I eat certain foods but I do my best to keep it quiet around the customers. Now the body is a pressure vessel and when the pressure builds up it has to go somewhere. You tell me I can go out back for 20 minutes and “let it go” bud we are talking about hours here. I may as well call in sick on a gassy day.
You say it isn’t good for the company image.
I say what about the cook and his wife arguing almost every day. Sure they are speaking Greek so no one knows what they are saying but the body language, facial expressions tells me and everyone around that it isn’t a friendly conversation.
And how about you and your partner’s wife arguing everyday. This is worse because you two are arguing infront of the customer. At least the cook and his wife are in the back. —Gas Master
This article appears in May 17-23, 2012.
I think diners would rather HEAR your farts than SMELL them…
i understand not holding it in all day but at least wait till you’re away from the customer before you let it go…. I would be pretty upset too if my waiter was just letting it go at my table.
Nah, never happened ….. silly bitch, why waste such time to write this non-sense?
Go find a woman that has a reputation for not farting, then get some advice from her.
Kebab platter, hold the shit crumbs. If you’re ripping wind anywhere close to where food is being prepared or consumed I hope your tips are as evanescent as your arse air.
What an odd/bizarre bitch.
Now I have a crazy, SNL skit mental picture:
“Cheezbugger, cheezbugger, cheezbugger, cheezbugger, BBBWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!…..OPA!… cheezbugger, cheezbugger. No Pepsi, only Coke!”
I am now boycotting all Greek-owned diners, lunch counters, take-outs, canteens and restaurants in Metro because I don’t want to accidentally walk into this place and:
A. be subjected to the smell of an employee with gastro-intestinal issues while I’m trying to eat. (Srsly, dude. That’s just fucking gross! I’d complain about you, too. Go see a doctor or something.), and;
B. be witness to any staff arguing, in Greek or any other language for that matter.
Sounds like a “fan-TAS-tic” gastronomical experience. (You can’t hear it but that last line is sarcastic)
You’re going to avoid Greek places Vastie :(?
Just because you have some sort of condition that makes you gassy, doesn’t mean you can just fart when you’re near customers. If a waiter was constantly farting by my table, I’d think they were playing some dumb prank and never go back there again. Hold it on for the 30 seconds you’re at the table and then let it out when you’re not near anyone. Jeez.
WOW sounds like a shitty palce to eat
Er…well…ok…all Greek places EXCEPT our traditional Summit location. (Zang-q, Mel. 🙂 I forgot that was Greek lol)…..but the rest of them…(*shakes fist*)
Due to my extreme intelligents, I would recommend that you change your diet to a high-fibre cabbage, corn and bean combination. You may develop an abundant amount of excrements in your undergarments, however it should reduce the continuous flatulence.
Never a pleasure.
Corn Flakes.
or, you know, since it’s impacting your job, perhaps you should be taking preventative measures..
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/comm…
Go to the bathroom stank bitch, it’s a restaurant!
It’s has to be a pretty bad problem if people are asking for the manager/owner so they can complain. Change your fucking diet or get some “beano”, that should sort out your problem.
Ok, so you say you fart more when you eat certain foods? WELL THEN DON’T EAT THEM WHEN YOU HA E TO WORK!
You are a twat, ob. I have IBS which means gas all the time after i eat anything, but i still manage to hold it in when necessary — i can’t believe you’re bitching because customers in a RESTAURANT complained about your farting! You’re either a huge cunt or stupid as fuck.
I wrote a very eloquent response to this while at the garage-damn kindle fire isn’t good for anything but Scrabble.
In my many years in the restaurant/catering biz, I never once had to talk to someone about this! (o thank goodness) I did have a student who used to drop some real stinkers (“I have lactose intolerance,” he whinged. “I have lactose intolerance intolerance” I replied and told the lunch ladies not to sell him any milk.)
Service fact: For every person that complains, 10 don’t—they just never return.
Do you drop a deuce between the booths as well, OP? How about a little control of your body functions? People don’t go out to eat because they want to smell your ass!
Do something, ffs-change your diet, take gas-x, tell whatever crawled up your ass and DIED to crawl back out, whatever—you curdle my wame just thinking about it!
i have worked in the restaurant business for a long time too, xeno. never ever heard this complaint…stinky breath, body odour, too much scent but never flatulence
To quote a well-worn phrase from my late mother: ‘Where ever you may be, let your wind go free.’ Maybe you should try to outrun your butt bombs.
Wow OP !
16 responses & no one said
“Better OUT than IN !”
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that’s what ,s#+& ALWAYS SAYS
~;)
ah yes, in greek, you can tell a person to fuck off in 20 different ways, and smile while saying it.
Be like Peter Griffin in an elevator. “You did it.” Problem solved
Another exciting restaurant experience. Food service probably wouldn’t be my first choice for somebody suffering from excessive flatulence. You could take advantage of your special talent lighting a match when you serve creme brulee.
Seriously though, on average a person farts 14 times day. I know I do. Just try to arrange your 14+ farts around times when you’re taking orders or serving the meals.
Fuck everyone, OB. Farting is a human right and nobody can stop you from doing it. It’s a natural body function like breathing and sleeping. If those assholes don’tl ike you farting they can haul their asses to Kazakhstan and enjoy it.
nothing like a nice fat, rank ass fart, first thing in morning, to get your day off running.
Farting is fine, biscuit, but you don’t fart while someone’s eating or around someone’s food.
If I wanted to smell someone’s guts while having a meal, I’d dine in the can ffs.
Haha what if the OP is talking about our summit headquarters? I haven’t noticed a smell or Greek yelling.
Good thing LuluLemon is a “scent free zone” >; )
Mel, that’s why we need Wheelie there. He’s like a big rolling Airwick.
hello littlest hobo *waves*
you know you eat in the can PK…
you won’t even take an insulin shot unless it has mayo in it.
bizZzZzZzZzZzZzurn!
FRENCH LESSONS
Some time ago I was taking the whippets for their morning outing when a lady across the street called out:
“Do you raise them, monsieur?”
“No,” I replied, “they’re just pets.”
“Ah,” she responded somewhat embarrased. “You just have them for your personal pleasure.”
“Yes,” I replied, “just for my personal pleasure.”
Thinking about the encounter as I continued on my way, the penny dropped. The woman was embarrassed because the word “pet” is French for “fart.” It was like my saying that my whippets we’re just farts. Incroyable!
Reflecting more deeply on the matter, it seemed to me that “pet” was more refined than “fart.” The former is lighter, somehow more genteel than “fart,” the sound of which suggests a small explosion. But what does this mean? Does it mean that the French, as a people, are more civilized about these matters? Are the Anglos, by comparison, simply more barbaric?
I concluded that this was indeed the case. The whippets and I continued on our morning outing.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Professor Flato’s “View From La Trine”
Are the French as a people, more civilized?
Exhibit A:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tom…
Truly, da stink society.
I hope the whippets received your most abject and grovelling apologies.
LE FARTEUR vs LE FROTEUR
RSVP
: Ivan Wannabe (05/04, 9:51AM)
I hadn’t realized that Le Farteur, M. Joseph Pujol, had achieved pre-eminence, even celebrity, in the category of farting. I wasn’t even aware that the category existed.
On reflection however, the question then arose as to why the same social recognition and applause is not bestowed on the as-yet anonymous Le Froteur, the one who rubs himself up against other passengers on Le Metro in Paris? I believe it’s more of a summer-time activity – one thinks of light summer frocks, tennis shorts, and all that – but the determined froteur should be a man for all seasons if he is to aspire to the celebrity of M. Joseph Pujol.
Let the contestants now descend into Le Metro for a run-off competetion! Billets, svp!
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
“the as-yet anonymous Le Froteur, the one who rubs himself up against other passengers on Le Metro in Paris? “
Ummmm, wouldn’t that be every frenchman who ever rode the subway? I’d advise him not to take his “act” on the road. He’d find the #52 Crosstown a great let down; possibly even hazardous to his health.
On behalf of the Halifax Underclass, hug your pets for us.
“you know you eat in the can PK…
you won’t even take an insulin shot unless it has mayo in it.
bizZzZzZzZzZzZzurn!”
Gee what a great thing to come home to read after spending 10 hours in the ER with my mom while trying to coordinate a reschedule on my septic father’s IV antibiotic therapy to make sure he doesn’t die because he misses a dose while being at my mother’s bedside. Oh and emergency dental appointments because HAY I’ve got a tim’s cup of milk with my mom’s front teeth in it!
So thanks a bunch for putting the cherry on top of my shit cake of the day/week/month.
I feel for you PK, sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. I hope things turn around for your Dad.
Everyone needs to break wind, you can not just run to the bathroom. And not like shitting, some can not “hold it in for a day”. It is no worse than the asshole who drink fucking “AXE” every fucking day. Take a shower pricks.
RSVP
: Ivan Wannabe (05/04, 8:05PM)
Do you think it would help if M. Le Froteur wore a kilt – Nova Scotia and all that – on the #52 Crosstown?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
This is an electronic fart…..fzzzzzzzzzt, present 4 u’s
That reminds me of a story: Years ago, when my brother was a young beer-soaked sous chef, he would wait until he was in the walk-in freezer before he laid a smelly. (beer farts are the worst!) Kept ’em preserved, as it were. Chef would always walk out of the freezer with that smellafart face.
Also, I have read of a cocktail in France called a ‘pet de nonne’—a nun’s fart— described as ‘an airy confection.’
MM – Only if he was an honest-to-god Glaswegian and skilled in the art of the straight razor. They breed awfy braw laddies in the Gorbals; teach our home grown street toughs a thing or two. Och, aye.
RSVP
Ivan Wannabe (05/05, 8:45PM)
Ah yes, the Gorbals. I recall visiting an old friend in Glasgow – we had taught together in Rome – and he took me around to an end-of-year staff party at his school where everyone (no females for some reason) was a bit pissed. One in particular was more than a bit and shouted what may have been obsenities at me – I didn’t understand a word because of the heavy Glaswegian accent – who may well have emerged from the Gorbals, confirming what Dr. Johnson remarked back in the 18th. century, “The noblest prospect a Scot ever saw was the high road to London.”
Yes, by all means, put a few boys from the Gorbals on the #52 Crosstown Bus. They should sort things out.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
As a lad I was fond of reading the sea stories of Brian Callison. He had a sardonic gift with language and a cynical take on the the stiff upper lip British Officer/cold-blooded Prussian stereotypes of the genre. Made for light reading on long trips. One of his novels featured a mangy Scots cretin named “Gorbals Wullie” who had razor blades sewn into the rim of his cap.
RSVP
: Ivan, Master & Commander (05/06, 11:11AM)
Don’t know Brian Callison but you might enjoy Ralph Glasser’s “A Gorbals Boy at Oxford” which he attended on scholarship. It’s the sequel to his “Growing Up In The Gorbals.” You could say that Ralph was not your typical Gorbal’s boy and would have been of only limited help on the #52 Crosstown.
(By the way, “Master & Commander” was showing at noon on the History Channel.)
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Thank you. It inspired my name change. A film I never tire of watching.
oh this HAS to be a troll.
If it’s not op? Holding your farts in makes them seep out of every available orifice. And they smell stale and ashamed. Better to let them rip proudly, head held high than to let them sneak out as little silent but deadly ass-ninjas throughout the day.