I read online about some DIY beauty tips. Use baking soda as a natural shampoo! It really clarifies, they said. Does it work? I wondered… Sure, if you want your hair to come out looking like a Brillo pad or a birds nest. Not the look I was particularly trying for…. so I tried another natural home remedy to counteract the dryness of my matted hair, use olive oil to deep condition, they said. I saturated my head with the stuff but I didn’t stop there… I put it all over my face to penetrate deeply into my wrinkles (my face has been crack-a-lackin lately from the winter weather). The very next morning, a large angry whitehead had formed right on the tip of my nose! Of course I popped it, I couldn’t just leave that giant pus-filled zit dangling threatening to erupt at any moment. After the squeezing, it didn’t look too bad until I got to work….about 10:00 I took my morning piss break and caught my reflection in the mirror. OMFG, I didn’t know it was possible for hair to be both dry and greasy at the same time. After all the squeezing that morning, my whole nose had turned angry red and bulbous like those good old boy drunks you see with their whiskey nose. No wonder my coworkers were looking at me funny! OMF! Never again with the DIY beauty remedies! “Natural beauty” is so not cute! —Pinterest victim
This article appears in Feb 12-18, 2015.
Don’t get any vaccines and drink your own pee. That will resolve any acne issues.
Don`t forget kale enemas, royal jelly and “mindfulness“
When using baking soda shampoo you need to rinse with Apple Cider Vinegar.
Now you know why people hate vegans and hippies!
You’ve got to stop drinking that Pinterest.
I have given up on beauty home remedies. Went to the doctor, got prescription strength zit wash and cream, BAM. No zits. Why did I spend so much time dabbing with tea tree oil and fucking around with oil cleansing method?!? (I do remove makeup with olive oil or coconut oil because I already have it in the house, though- works OK). Shampoo infrequently but with a shampoo I love. BOOM! Nice smelling hair that is clean. Too lazy to make my own body scrubs with kitchen ingredients. It’s a nice bit of retail therapy to buy it from the damn store. The time I would have spent blending my own, I enjoy using my body scrub instead! No time for WOO.
Buy a loofah and vegetable oil based soap. Don’t shampoo everyday. Swab your carapace with liquid nitrogen. Rinse your thorax in orange blossom and ram’s blood. Consume the construct that is beauty, give birth to the terrifying maggot white grub that forms within, and then kill it with fire. Rinse, and repeat. Always repeat.
^^ awestruck by that
Gwyneth’s been pushing this on GOOP:
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l245/str…
Mmmm, apple infused.
ivan, you must work on that unhealthy obsession with kale.
But Molly, half the fun of “The New McCarthyism” is drawing up the enemies list
Heh heh heh.
You wouldn’t deny a 50-ish curmudegeon his bit of fun, would you?
op sounds like a salad.
ivan, you want a bit o fun? come over here and try to find the cookies I hid in my bra.
^^ frisky Friday
Only if you want to be shown the Russian dressing, and ain’t nobody got time for that!
Salad days, huh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1-NpyaOWV…
Count me in.
Tossed Greek salad does wonders for the scalp but only if you squeeze the black olives first. And don’t mistake crumbled feta for dandruff.
peanuts have a lot of oil…
throw some of that on and see…
or maybe babypowder…
and hand lotion…
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/922658/thumbs/o-…
may as well just post the whole damn thing.
Never let Joey help…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8VWWCPeEL…
You’ve done it again, Willard!
I don’t know who this Willard is…
but that post made just as much sense as your usual ranting bullshit.
Yes, who is this Willard that the Man From Montreal speaks of?
^^^ Could Willard be the name of the illegitimate spawn montrealman fathered back in his college days? The shame of such an event back in that era would surely have demanded that the young Willard be put up for adoption. But that’s just one theory……I’m sure there are others….
I don’t care for most natural remedies / beauty treatments myself, but I have to be careful around this topic because people presume that I would automatically advocate exclusively for petroleum-based products.
Willard was a rat or is that Ben?
I like the idea of natural remedies. Sounds better than unnatural ones.
Willard was the socially awkward outcast whose only friends are rats, played by Bruce Davison in the original film of the same name(1971) and Crispin Glover in the 2003 remake. The rat who played Ben missed out on starring in the 1972 sequel because the producers wouldn’t agree to his salary demands. He went on to a consistent , if not high profile career, appearing in Orkin commercials, Black Death P.S.A.s, the Illustrated G. Gordon Liddy Cookbook and a Dinner Theatre version of Charlotte’s Web. The rat who played Ben in the remake, was “discovered” by a 2nd Unit production team in Toronto’s Jane and Finch housing projects and despite having no previous acting experience was immediately hired to a 6 figure contract. Tragically, he died three weeks after the film’s TIFF premiere in what authorities described as an accidental strychnine overdose.
Another great talent taken from us too soon. Typical Hollywood tragedy.
A tragedy for Canada’s Arts Community; a windfall for memorabilia collectors.
http://32pages.ca/wp-content/uploads/2010/…
The genuine article will earn you a pretty penny, on e-bay
Thanks for clearing that up Ivan : )
I’m still in prime demand as a partner in Tag-Team Strip Trivial Pursuit – Seniors Div.