I’m pretty sick of hearing that Canadians are the most polite people around. Yes, we hold the doors open for eachother, we say please and thank you and we stand for seniors on the bus. We can give ourselves a pat on the back for that. But recently I’ve noticed a common practice among us -Haligonians in particular – that has motivated me to bitch. Staring. Really now, we all know its impolite to stare. But for some goal I have yet to identify (because I’ve never seen a girl flag down a guy in a truck and ask if she can blow him) men in this city feel it is their duty to stare, cat call, and whistle at any female walking down the street that they feel they have the right to so impolitely harass. It is degarding, it is frustrating, and it has got to stop.
On a related note, I was riding the bus yesterday (#20, 3:30pm, Fri Aug 8) and a male cross dresser boarded. Every single pair of eyes on the bus (including a mother with children, nice lesson to teach your kids there ma) was on him. I admire that man for having the courage to be himself when most of us don’t. I wanted to go up to him and apologize for every ass hole on that bus who made him feel like a freak (but I settled on giving him a ‘cheer up’ note because I had to get off at the next stop – hope it helped mystery man).
I know, as an addicted Coast Reader, that most Coasters believe, such as I do, that we must extend respect for others onto the street, the buses, the stores and local drinking establishments of our city. I can’t help that I’m a girl, so please don’t make me feel like an object instead of a person by yelling at me in the streets. He can’t help it he wants to dress like a girl, so please don’t make him feel like an object by watching him like he was a criminal for being himself. SO Coast Readers, I have faith that many of you feel the same way I do, so I cannot ask you to stop such impolite practices. Instead I ask you to get out there and spread the word – staring? Not polite. Tolerance? The most polite thing we can boast about. Show a bit more respect Halifax, please and thank you.
This article appears in Aug 14-20, 2008.
Good bitch. Well said.
I am all for a friendly “Hi” and I know lots of old men are trying to be polite, but when I am in sweats and a pony tail and their jaw is on the floor practically, I am a little confused. I look like shit and it still doesn’t fend them off. People say it’s the younger guys that have no respect but I usually get the disgusting stares and cat calls from older men driving pick ups. And as far as I’m concerned, staring at cross dresser like that is bad as staring at someone in a wheel chair, it’s just so rude!!
Excellent bitch. Nova Scotians might be friendly, but they sure aren’t welcoming. Well, not all of them. It takes guts to be “different” around here because so many people want everyone just to blend in. I hear people make rude comments about some of the outfits people wear because they aren’t in T-shirts and shorts, so I can’t imagine the comments people subject crossdressers to.Really, this place has to expand its collective mind.
It takes guts to voluntarily be different in any society but I hold no greater respect for the cross dresser. “Courage”. That’s laughable! The cross dresser is inviting criticism by being so outwardly obtuse in our society of men and women. If you don’t want average Joe to stare at you like you’re a freak, men should not wear women’s clothing unprepared for the staring. How is this difficult to understand?
There’s the spark… now where’s that gasoline?
No gasoline…. but a moderate thought….Anything new & different is going to cause others to look at what’s new & different. It’s human nature. It doesn’t mean they dislike the difference, it just means they’re not used to confronting differences on their day to day routine.Granted, the more they see certain types of differences, the more people will be accustomed and not even blink.On some level, trail blazers know this. They know when they step out of the house looking/being different, they effectively become an ambassador for their status. They are the voice (or representation) that leads others to understand despite differences they are still human, (nice, witty, respectful, etc). When someone can put a human face to difference, real change occurs. This isn’t just about cross-dressing, it is about life in general.
qwerty, I’m looking for trouble when I point out a man in woman’s clothing is freaky? Bad Kay! Bad Kay!So, the cross dresser isn’t counting on the shock value affect his appearance has on average people? I think this thing works both ways. He’s looking for attention by dressing like a freak in our society and he’ll get it. Oh yes, he’ll get it. Put on some common sense and ask yourself why.A cross dresser is NOT akin to a visible minority or the visibly disabled. There’s personal choice involved, not unfortunate circumstances that cannot be corrected. Frankly, I don’t give a shit if you’re not comfortable with your God given gender but pretending you’re the other gender in public makes your personal issues/preferences/whatever subject to public scrutiny.Sorry, but no matter how much gay pride there is in our society I will never teach my little boy that it’s okay to reject HIS gender then encourage him to pretend he’s really a girl. How can that be healthy? What’s to celebrate about confusion? Where’s the pride in God given testosterone and masculinity?
You’re an ass Kay. If everyone stopped what they were doing because of the fear of public scrutiny, the world would be pretty boring. I think we have to remember that some of the things we take for granted now were initated by people who were going outside of the boundaries. And besides, what business is it of yours if a man dresses like a woman?
kay, who is to say that being gay isnt a god-given gender.
Show me a gender confused chromosome and I’ll get behind you on that one. Whatever. God gave you the gift of choice and you’re using it, no argument there.When I have to explain to my little boy that, no, men don’t wear makeup, dresses or wear high-heel shoes it becomes my business. When I have to watch a grown man carry on like a freak in public, it becomes my business. Have your personal choice just don’t expect me not to notice when you’re flaunting it in public. If it were ‘normal’ for men to masquerade as women on any day that’s not Halloween people simply would not stare. I’m not in the minority here.Lily, I’ll bet your just a gem. haha
This is such an awesome, timely bitch (for me). There are a lot of sexually repressed men in NS and that manifests itself in so many shitty ways, but this pervasive idea that some straight men have the right to their selfish eye-fuckings is starting to piss me off. I happened to be very obviously stared at earlier on my way home while I waited at a light by a guy driving by and I thought about how I looked. Not at all enticing. He wasn’t bad looking or old, just a normal guy. I’m in baggy army pants and a t-shirt. Like I said, not inviting or suggestive. Really not, at all. It just made me shake my head at guys who do that. I just stared after him and said out loud “you really just cruised me that openly, as bad as I look right now?” but there was nobody around and he was driving, so it was more for me than anything.Fuck. I know it happens more to other women, but it’s creepy. This town does seem particularly bad for it. I hear some parts of Europe are much worse, and given the choice, I’d rather be stared at than hissed at! The thing is – I am NOT given a choice. It’s like I am on display, and then I ask myself how to prevent it, and the truth is, I can’t, short of a crewcut and a mastectomy, but then it’s a whole new bucket of primates for me because I’d look transgendered. And for the transgendered, it’s more than just men staring, and it’s any gender that defies conventionality, so everyone gets it from everyone. I think it’ll be a while before this province shakes off the dust on the trans issue. I’ve watched cops check the IDs of friends of mine and taken a minute to ask more questions (address, etc.) when they’re clearly of age (at the liquor store! For five minutes!) because the female/male name doesn’t line up with what they accept is a male/female appearance. You can watch them trip out, it’s irritating as hell, and there’s nothing you can do but get angry because you’re subject to their questioning. Transgender profiling or something. It reminds you that it’s going to be a struggle and take time and that as great as Halifax or NS is, it is still very conservative and Victorian (and racist) because this province likes its history, what with the forefathers and whatnot. I stare at the starers in most cases and try to let them know how it feels, but that doesn’t always work. I wanted to throw karate kicks at that prick in the car. Sometimes you think “could I try to look worse?” but you just have to deal with it, or go somewhere else where you don’t have to. I guess.Any suggestions from the female Bitchers on how you handle these little mysogynist vampire attacks over your day-to-day? I’m spitting fucking thumbtacks and about to pull a B. Spears with a low guard.
While I agree that there IS some ‘choice’ involved in the issue of cross-dressing, I’ve heard many trans-gendered people say that they live in anguish because they feel they’re living a lie.Kay, by extending your logic, one could argue that Jews could’ve denied their true faith and escaped persecution. As long as one is willing to tow the societal line, stay under the radar, NEVER voice an opinion and ‘fit in’, you might be able to avoid public scrutiny. But I doubt it. There’s always a shit disturber who will guess what your about (or make assumptions, or fabricate entirely) and persecute you anyway. Might as well be yourself.
kay: Caroline Cossey, born with XXXY chromosomes, possessive of ovaries and male genitalia. It happens quite a bit, actually.
Okay, let’s take a step back. I’m not saying the trans gender folk out there should not do, feel, be or dress how they want to. All human beings should live up to their personal potential. They should just not be surprised nor offended when they get a reaction. By reacting it makes us normal; not racist, not closed minded, but normal! What we do after our initial reaction decides all the rest…We hesitate to put visible tracking devices on animals because studies show these animals can be rejected from from their respective societies and fail to procreate for lack of a tolerant mate. When human beings do it… hmmm
One vital difference: Human beings were blessed (and cursed) with the ability to reason. Though we may have similarities with certain animals and may have some biological urges, the evolution of human politics cannot be compared to the interactions of animal societies. For example, I may feel compelled to stare at someone who is different, but on a logical level, I know that this is an act of aggression and choose not to.
Blessed or cursed, having the ability to reason does not and should not exempt human beings from natural selection.
and since there’s choice involved why not chose to wear some spiffy Levi’s? haha
Damn it Qwerty why didn’t you hold the door open for kay and and Hedgy stop blowing smoke in Kay’s face..be polite people! lmao
Kay, I wasn’t implying you were looking for trouble. Just acknowledging the likelihood of the feisty debate that was to follow. Eagerly anticipated, might I add – this place has been a dead zone lately.Good to have you back.And Gingy, I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I love it. Good to have you back, too.Now where the hell is floyd?
I wonder how The Beav feels about this bitch now? heheAnd where’s hedgy? Getting kudo’s from ging without ever making an appearance? How does that happen?
Wait a minute, I saw that guy on the bus stop while I was driving to the Buskers!That was one of the trashiest outfits I EVER saw. If you are going to wear a hoe top at LEAST shave your chest. That didn’t look right at all. It was tackier than Mimi off Drew Carey! Nothing went together. Even if I saw a woman dressed like that I would wonder if they were doing a walk of shame and dressed in the dark. It was just bad. If someone dresses in a lime green and fusia suit with a sombrero and a cape I would stare at them too because it is alien clothing. It’s bizzare. The word was made for a reason and that dude fits the description to a T.
kay you missed it darlin, me , Qwerty and Hedgy on good terms now sorta kissed and made up or was it my new attitude anyway Qwerty and hedgy kiss kiss hug hug
kay you missed it darlin, me , Qwerty and Hedgy on good terms now sorta kissed and made up or was it my new attitude anyway Qwerty and hedgy kiss kiss hug hug
Ginger is back! Meow – you gush like my broken toilet. Kissed and made up? Does that mean you’re with the “in” crowd now? Jesus…
Enjoy the show, Plonk – it’s a wild ride.hehehe
I don’t know if anyone would chose to have all of the confusing, difficult and scary feelings associated with being a cross dresser, or with being gay for that matter. You can not help which gender you identify with, or which gender you find yourself attracted to. ‘God’ has as much to do with it as the cereal you eat in the morning. SO a cross dresser does not DESERVE to be stared at, as some of you have implied. Yes, he/she choses to be different, but he/she is brave enough to let the outside reflect the inside and for that there should be no punishment.
Not sure what you mean, kay, but it’s the next day, I haven’t shaved my head, and I still think this Bitch is pretty good.
All I have to say is anyone who has the NERVE to call someone a FREAK for ANY reason is a horrible fucking person. I can’t even believe you said such a horrible thing about another human being. SHAME.I know a very well known cross dresser in the south end, and he is the NICEST man in the world. Not gay at all, just cross dresses. Not for attention, but because he wants to live the way he wants to live and be himself. Only reason I stare a bit is out of jealously cause he can walk in heels better than anyone I’ve ever met. FAR from a freak. Calling someone a freak is just plain and utter ignorance. So you like the color orange and I hate it and you wear an orange shirt one day. Do I have the right to stare and call you a FREAK??? Not on your life. No difference here. It’s people like YOU that are the problem. Grow the fuck up and mind your own business. Maybe as you’re gawking at someone who may be a little different, an older lady had to stand up on the bus while you’re being ignorant. Dumb ass……anyone seem to notice EVERYTHING happens on the #20 bus??? I do believe I’ll avoid it…
The world would be a very dreary. bleary place if everyone acted exactly alike. It sounds to me, as if people on here are angry or scared about the cross dresser on the bus. Maybe the offended people should ask themselves exactly why they are so upset and afraid? Is it change, the unfamiliar, the fear of being left behind while the rest of us moves forward? What is it? There’s no such thing as ‘I just don’t like something’. There has to be a reason for your feelings of intolerance. Try and figure it out.*THUNK* There’s your license to step out of line.
I use the word ‘freak’ quite frequently….I call pretty much everyone I know a freak! But who wants to be called “normal”? I would consider that more of an insult.Everyone needs to be a little more freaky…you only live once!
The term “freak” is all in your own narrow little mind. And it’s a horrible word to describe anybody. Where is it written that everyone should dress in the same “blend into the scenery” uniform that is so common around here? If it’s not a baggy t-shirt and jeans, then forget it, you’ll stand out.Personally, I love seeing anybody who has the courage to dress different from what our boring society considers normal. Whether that’s cross-dressing, goths, punks, or whatever. It takes guts to do what they do, because it does illicit negative reactions. I know you’ll say that they’re making the choice to stand out so they shouldn’t be upset when they get negative comments, but really, why is it that getting attention should be only negative? Maybe giving them some positive reactions would be better. I respect anybody who’s willing to go against the grain and put up with the narrowmindedness of this conservative city.As for the original post, I see what she’s getting at. Guys need to learn that there’s a difference between acknowledging an attractive woman and violating her mentally by continuing to leer or make inappropriate remarks. It doesn’t make us want the guy when they make these comments, it just makes us want to get away as soon as possible because of the feeling of being helpless in a situation we can’t control.
*cough cough* uh, excuse me… if I wear a batman outfit outside because it’s, I don’t know, Thursday, shouldn’t I expect a reaction? What would it say about me if, dressed that way, if I’m offended by reaction. Get real, people.
Have to say again that much of what Kay is saying is pretty reasonable. If you go against the grain, you’re going to get stares. It’s pretty simple.However, I do detect a hefty chunk of homophobia, or at least homo-ignorance, in the other parts of Kay’s posts. The use of the word “freak” for example…I have to ask what happened to being a supporter of the underdogs? Also remember that at various times in the last few centuries, and even currently in some other cultures, it WAS/IS perfectly normal for men to wear dresses (or dress-like garments such as kilts, robes, etc.), makeup, and/or high heels. Styles change.On another note, while I would not deny that men stare at women – I probably do it, we all do it – it is also worth considering that really old people may appear to be staring harder or longer because it takes their old eyes so damned long to focus. This is something even I, a man, have noticed and been annoyed with until I realized that in a way they can’t help it.