— A young-ish male student, absolutely covered in cologne, got on the No. 1 (Mumford) bus this morning and sat beside me. This would have been fine (albeit smelly) if the entire bus had not been otherwise empty. It might still have been fine if he had not chosen to stretch out, exceeding the visible boundaries of his seat into my personal space, and proceed to try to rest his hand under my ass. This encounter has left me feeling absolutely disgusted and humiliated. I cried when describing it to my coworkers.
It is bad enough that I have grown to expect unwanted male attention on the streets and buses of Halifax at night, but now it seems that I have been painfully naive in believing the city to be safer by day.
I hope anyone reading this will take a good look at the behaviour exhibited by themselves, their friends, and the people they see in public, because this can not be tolerated. Openly disapprove. Explain that it is not funny, not a joke, or a type of flirtation. Do not expect me or anyone else who encounters this sort of harassment to be flattered by the attention. My well practiced “resting bitch face” may deter some people from approaching me and potentially harassing me, but it certainly didn’t work today. I can only hope that the threat of being held accountable by the public and by their peers may give these misguided people pause before ruining someone else’s morning, afternoon, day, or evening. I am tired of this. —Disheartened Halifax Female
This article appears in Dec 3-9, 2015.
Instead of crying to your co-workers, you should have told the bus driver.
You’re missing the god damn point Bro Tim, and people who say stuff like that to intentionally derail a serious discussion are the whole problem with this city. How do you know that she didn’t tell the bus driver? Why is that important anyway? The whole point of this Bitch is to address people like you who think the victim is at fault, who see sexual harassment happen and brush it off.
Of course you’re insensitive, because as a man you have never felt threatened on the bus on your morning commute in this way. Good job Bro Tim, for spotting her major flaw here. She has shared the story in 2 different mediums but unless you can confirm she TOLD THE BUS DRIVER she hasn’t done her due diligence, as a victim of sexual harrassment. Shame on you, and shame on the ass grabbing garbage bag that actually committed the crime – there is no shame in being the victim.
That was the perfect time for a good ol’ fashioned slap in the face. If anything is said about it you say” I’m sorry, I have a nervous twitch that is activated by idiots who think they can slide their hands underneath my ass on city buses.
I don’t think Bro Tim is missing the point, nor is he ignoring the fact that whatever that individual did is appropriate, but I do think if this was the case, you should inform the bus driver and action would have been taken. Not doing so allows that person to do it to someone else rather than putting an end to that particular problem. Be the solution rather than just cry about it is what the conclusion is. You do have humanity’s support on this.
Now there’s another side to every coin! We were not on the bus so we have no idea what actually happened aside from OP’s words!
That being said, and I have taken the bus several times, it is very very difficult to actually do what that individual did!
One thing I realized recently, mostly here as I never encountered such an attitude before, is that most things here, locally, are considered harassment! An individual looking at a person the wrong way can be considered harassment and can get you into a serious situation.
Also people need to realize that false accusations can ruin lives.
Again, I’m not saying this didn’t happen to you, I’m just pointing out that we don’t know what happened so we can’t make a proper judgment.
One thing that I’m not very fond of is this statement: “My well practiced “resting bitch face” may deter some people from approaching me and potentially harassing me, but it certainly didn’t work today.”
I don’t really want to make a non-valid assumption on that but could you please elaborate on a deeper level? Do you subconsciously believe that every “male” figure that gets on the bus is potentially a sexual predator? If that is the case based on that statement, I believe you have much more to worry about.
I see Ghost Jesus was pulled… perhaps it was because he found this board becoming very man-bashy?!
You find this bitch man-bashy Charlie Brown? The above commenters are definitely woman-bashy. BroTim makes a good point that something could be said to the bus driver, he could have left out the jab about crying though. It’s all to common a story that women do not feel comfortable coming forward with these types of issues. One may wonder why, until you read randomness’ response…trying to cast doubt on whether this was actually harassment because he’s taken the bus before. He wonders why nothing was said to the bus driver and continues to rip on the OB about the guards she puts up to deter this type of behavior.
but you’re right, man-bashing…
I think they and even past commentators are expressing an alternative opinion, which is fine and proper. The moderation on this board is most unusual; and over the last little while, questionable bitches are posted. It’s unfortunate.
When it happens, nothing feels worse than that feeling of vulnerability and helplessness. That you’re defenses have failed you and you just don’t know what to do. It’s not a question of what should or shouldn’t have happened, it’s what to do next. “Resting bitch face” is not a defense, it’s a deterrent, and you realize this; it’s time for you to learn how to be strong, to stand up for yourself or you’ll never be able to protect anything in your life.
Halifax is not a safe place, you should know this everyday; there are too many weak people here, too many young, and too much shit and piss because none of us have grown to be as strong, understanding and compassionate as we can be. We’re all still learning, you’re not alone.
Practice saying “get your hand off my __________ you fucking perv” in a very loud voice until you are confident that you will be prepared next time.
Absolutely the best answer Oceanchick!
What Oceanchick said, plus getting up and moving. And cry to whomever you like later, but let anger be your go-to in the moment.
Oceanchick, hero of the week.
Just do what all hot girls do. Put your purse on the other seat and then slap a “i kill all that comes near me face” on. Nobody is going to ask a woman on an empty bus to move their purse. If they do? Tell him to go fuck himself.
These cologne drenched dudes think they’re irresistible to women.