I resented you for so long and now that too is indifference. I long to wake and not see your face or hear your voice. For eight years I’ve kept to myself and now I long for warm eyes to look upon me, feel arms around me, and connect with another.
My parents tell me no, divorce would be shameful. Friends say I probably need a vacation. I just want to get away from all that reminds me of you. I don’t want to be bitter, resentful, and feeling robbed of innocence and happiness. Twenty-three years of my life with you-maybe genuinely happy for two out of the twenty-three. I want to empty the joint accounts of my half and file but I’m so scared, I’m so afraid, I sometimes think if you died I would be born again. —Scarred
This article appears in Sep 30 – Oct 6, 2010.
Cut yer losses.
WOW, 23 years, you lose/get half of everything.
If you have to come here and wonder, it’s probably too late. Counciling, therapy?
Bitter an resentful, sorry, it’s going to happen.
Your closing line….DTMFA, best for both of you.
if you feel that strongly that it is over, GO. do not stop to collect the 200 bucks, just fucking split. cut your losses now, before you really get burned. SO SAYETH THE SUCKSTER.
Been there and done that. I could have wrote your bitch, OP. Realized life is waaaaaay to short to spend another moment unhappy. I found the fortitude to close that chapter of my life and open another one. I haven’t looked back since. My only regret is not having done it sooner. Don’t listen to friends and family. They don’t live your life, you do. Listen to your heart.
oh o.p., if you are female, the suckster has a shoulder for you.
Get the fuck out of this dead relationship – stick a fork in it, it’s done. It’s a sure recipe to bitterness in your old age if you waste anymore time with someone you loathe. Fuck what anyone else has to say – this is YOUR life, not theirs. It takes courage to take that first step. The support of friends would be a definite plus as well as a good game plan. In other words, get your finances and shit in order, a place to live and means to support yourself. Then you can begin to write your own life’s script instead of being eaten away by the anger and stress that is so obvious from your post. I wish you nothing but the best, kid.
LEAVE NOW
funny how accidents can “accidently” happen 🙂
“an accident can be a women’s best friend” so says the old bitch in dolores claiborne 😛
In all seriousness, what TTFN said.
Do yourself a favour and file. You say you’re afraid but didn’t say whether you’re afraid to be on your own or that he will hurt you. If it is the latter then call Byrony House or another similar group to help you. If it is the former, then alone is better than being somewhere you dispise.
… oh for facks sake just file. 23 years … your fault. Sorry.
Now all this bitterness about missing the warmth in the eyes blah blah … what if they miss the warmth in your eyes. I’m not saying it’s all on you but stop looking outward all the time and depending on someone else to make you feel safe and nice. If you were able to find solace in yourself you’d have been gone a long time ago.
OP, maybe what you need to do is talk to someone. Find out what would happen if you did leave (what you could take, where you could go, what you could do with your life afterwards.) Half of the issue of leaving is being afraid to take that first step, the other half is usually what life would be like without someone. Even if you’re not happy, after 23 years this is all you know and that is frightening at times. My advice, call Byrony House. Even though you’re not being abused (hopefully,) they will be able to give you someone to talk to.
I was in a similar relationship OP….20 +years .
Like you there may have been 2 or 3 years of happiness !
Everything you said, I’ve heard & thought along with so much more ! As many others have said here, your life is yours ! Life is too short to be so unhappy, so make the move…it will be tough, you will second guess yourself & you may be tempted to return.
Just keep building on your new life… It does get better, in my case it got GREAT !
Take care of yourself, & best of luck.
Wow, waiting for your husband to die to set free. Lucky him, to have such a compasionate wife to come home to, I bet he feels the same way about you. Grow a set and at least have the common deciency to talk to him about it, not appeal to a public forum for validation from a bunch of people who only know one side of the story. The way I see it by being selfish you have wasted 21 years of not only your life but his as well. I wouldn’t be waiting for a thank you card when you finally end it.
The key here is to first decide to leave (since DTMFA is solid advice), then to take the divorce one small step at a time. Overwhelming big picture details – where will I live, will I have enough money – will all fall into place. Don’t focus on that. Instead, look at the first thing you have to do, then do it. Deal with the consequences or effects from that, then move to step two.
The voices here are unanimous… You need out, and you need out NOW. Not soon, not later. Now.
GOOD LUCK! Do it. It will be great.
Too much “longing” in this bitch. If you want something real long, talk to me, baby. Hehe.
But then again I would love to hear his side. Twenty three years, there is a lot more to this. One thing I have learned in life is that there is usually three sides of a story: His, Hers, and the Truth.
And yet the only thing that really matters BT, is the fact that if either or both of them is unhappy, a change is required. Life is too short to live it unhappy. The Truth: we all see things from our own perspective. Somewhere between both perspectives lies the Truth. Sometimes the Truth is that both parties are so focused on their own point of view that they both miss the point entirely. Sometimes, after giving it their best shot for 23 years, people reach a point where they don’t want to waste any more time trying to make something work and wish they had something different in life before it’s too late. This isn’t about he-said/she-said. It’s about one person having grown apart from their partner seeking the courage to make the break.
Arsenic
2 out of 23 years…..christ why’d you put yourself through the misery. You should take your husband on a “hunting trip” in Newfoundland…because we know how that ends.
You say you’re scared but why? Are you afraid of his reaction? Are you afraid of this major life change?
Are you afraid to disappoint your family? Life is a scary place….but you need to stop living it for others. Make yourself happy…just remember there’s no “take backs” after this all comes out in the open…. so be sure.