This is dedicated to the dude with a half opened buttoned down, receding hairline, waxed chest and his ‘friends’ at a certain establishment that was hosting a trivia quiz last night:
I know, I know. It’s been a scorching couple of days. I can empathize with maybe accidentally being three sheets to the wind due to the alcohol X sun rays effect (by the way, your skin was redder than a fresh coat of whore’s lipstick). But, you’re like what – 40? When someone says to shut the hell up when you’re yelling the answers out constantly please have the decency to stop the rush of testoterone you’re obviously missing – and not call this person outside to fight while throwing things across the room and swearing at the top of your lungs. Entertaining sure, in some ways; but, in others, downright sad. I’m sorry you got tossed out – twice. Get some sunscreen – a parasol – some rogaine – and maybe, some new friends that will know when it’s time to take you home and put you to beddy-bye with a cold wash cloth on your forehead.
—Be wary of the rays
This article appears in Aug 13-19, 2009.
dammit that would have been great to see
I used to see this shit all the time Anton, and it gets tiring pretty fast.
I always loved the reactions of the “friends” of the idiots though. Completely humiliated by the idiot’s actions, yet trying to appear loyal and supportive to the idiot. “C’mon man. Let’s just go. He’s not worth it” followed by a whisper to the staff behind his back of “I’m so sorry” often accompanied by a large tip for the trouble. Priceless.
Glad I wasn’t there but thoroughly enjoyed viewing it through OP’s eyes :).
“your skin was redder than a fresh coat of whore’s lipstick”
I love that!
Drunken knuckle-draggers should be dipped in the Harbour a few dozen times just to shut their blathering, stupid gobs.
I’da fought him. Would have gave him the Big Show skillet hands to his rosy red man-tits.
Wow…nice to get some support on this. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this guy was an idiot. I didn’t fight him for thress reasons:
1) Most importantly I’m above that (I’m no longer 12). However, if someone throws the first punch I’ll do my best to ensure they’ll only be feeding through a straw for the next 6 months (the nacho throwing didn’t offend me so much…he had poor aim and missed anyways…sorry to the guy sitting next to me)
2) I was surrounded by my friends whom I would have had to completely inconcenience by going outside to tangle with this guy, and ruining their night more so than this guy already did
3) He was OBVIOUSLY drunk, and so it wouldn’t have been a fair fight anyways. Besides, he seemed like the kind of guy who calls you out, and after you oblige and kick his ass he then turns around and charges you with assault and sues you in civil court.
After weighing this all up, talking a pass on such a fight seems like the right move….
I think I’ll print this and bring it with me tonight in case he’s there. Maybe make a little presentation?