Hey you, guy downtown on a Saturday night. You don’t have the right to touch me. Just cause I was walking in front of you a little slower than you would like. I don’t know you from Adam. You are just another 25-year-old baboon, probably intoxicated. I hope the next girl you do it to knocks you out. —L.F.

This article appears in May 17-23, 2012.

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15 Comments

  1. I kinda wish THIS girl did that.
    we’re not bloody chimps anymore,
    stop with the blatant idiocy.

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  2. I don’t like having my ass groped either. But I sure haven’t hit anybody because of it, tell them off – yes, but never hit.

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  3. How drunk would the baboon have to be, to grope the ass of the sort of she-primate who actually could knock him out?

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  5. did you actually see his hand, or was it his dick? maybe he wanted to make sure you were friendly before he sank his manmeat in your skanky ass. and why were you walking so slowly, in front of him?

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  9. Adam the baboon grabbed your fart factory?

    Why oh why do friends come over with REAL German Schnapps that they bought in the Fatherland and insist we try it, but strictly to tell the difference between it and NS Schnapps? Keiths is my weapon of choice but schnapps is why Hitler got pissy in 1939 – 1945.

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  11. Maybe you have a large butt and he couldn’t help it. LF=Large fanny?
    Seriously, tell him to keep his hands to himself in a loud voice. The embarrassment will be punishment enough.

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  15. Guy is an asshole, no doubt about it, OB.. he probably does it because he knows that most people will do nothing other than go home to their computers and write about it on the internet.
    Not your fault that it happened, OB, but you probably could have prevented it from happening again to someone else.

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