To the two drunk jerks outside of my apartment: No, I do not have a spare smoke. No, I am not your babe. Also, you cannot hug me. It’s fine if you want to drink but don’t let it ruin my night by getting all touchy-feely. I am not a vending machine and do not wanted to be treated like one. Thanks for pissing me off.
—Pissed off
This article appears in Jun 21-27, 2018.