Hey guys in their late 20s/early 30s who are super proud of their shiny new life they’ve made with their shiny new wife and that shiny new baby on the way in that shiny new house and that shiny new SUV: In 15 years, that shit won’t be so shiny.
You and your wife will start spreading out horizontally, that kid will have stopped thinking you’re the best thing since sliced bread long ago, and you’ll still be paying the mortgage on that house. That’s when some of you will start wishing you could be with a young girl like me again. You’ll keep the ring on your finger off and decide a little flirting won’t hurt anyone. In fact, the guilt you’ll feel 2 days later when it turns out that girl actually kinda digs you, who thinks “well why not, he’s single!” will only strengthen the bond between you and your wife. Hey, maybe you’ll take the whole gang out for milkshakes tonight! Well, ain’t family life sweet. —Marriage is a choice, not an obligation or a status symbol
This article appears in Mar 24-30, 2011.
Desi?
Shit just got real.
I kinda think marriage is getting lame. I have no desire for it really. I don’t see why, after being with the same person for years, you suddenly decide to legally make yourselves one person and possibly lose everything that defines you like your hawt bod, your love of electronics, your love of getting it on whenever you please, the freedom to say “Meh, it’s been fun but cya”, etc. If I was to ever get married, it would be with someone I knew for like a month and we would have to be drunk so we could later get an annulment when we start to hate each other ;D. Why people need to be legally tied together to have children if they wish, or to “prove” something is beyond me.
Ooooh. I could’ve written this bitch.
In the past two months I’ve been propositioned by three married men. THREE. Thankfully I knew they were married (because HAY! I know these guys!) and didn’t get involved. One was actually someone I’ve known since I was a little kid. And now he won’t even talk to me because of the shit he said to me that I didn’t even really want to hear in the first place (maybe if he had’ve said it 10 years ago, fine, but now? yeah, go fuck yourself).
How wonderful is THAT?
You say 15 years, OP? Try 2-3. Five if you’re lucky.
OP you sound like a twit …and would probably die for that ring on your finger the white picket fence and the baby…so don’t rag on someone else’s life just because you’re the kind of girl guys like for a night and not a lifetime.
Marriage is hard as hell and 7 out of 10 times doesn’t work but for the people who want to take the plunge and do it and start a family…well that’s their choice. We all have choices like you said.
Oh and that mortgage that they’ll still be paying on in 15 years will be a huge investment with lots of equity built up by then – unlike you still living with your parents or paying rent in your shitty apartment. Grow up OP!! Grow up!!
This bitch should be about the loser/asshole who’s cheating on his wife – who you totally dodged a bullet from – but instead you came at the situation all wrong because you’re jealous.
RC, I’m pretty sure the bitch was directed at the man in this situation.
A++ RC, I agree.
Marriage is something that works for some people and you shouldn’t come off as all “hawt shit” because you think you’re above that or you’ve witnessed some pricks. Ya, I’ve been hit on by married men too. A lot.
And what about those guys who ARE happy now with their life, family and wife, why the fuck are you down on them? I say congrats to them for their current happiness.
As I’ve said elsewhere on this forum – long term relationships and marriage are hard fucking work, but if you find a partner who you want to be with and put in the effort, you’ll also reap the rewards that will last a lifetime. I know my parents had their ups and downs, that my brothers and I were total shits when we were younger, ya, and they’ve both gained weight… but as much as they get on each others nerves, they’re still best friends, looking at retirement, selling their investment house, travelling, relaxing, waiting for grandkids and their own children totally love them and enjoy spending time with them. Thankfully my partner’s parents are in the same place so we both have excellent role models to look up to.
So fuck you and your self righteousness. You lifestyle may work for you – but others have other aspirations and that’s their right.
I took this bitch as someone who some married douchedrizzle tried scam in order to get some on the side. And since OP didn’t know this guy was married, and because there are lots of misleading men in this world, she believed his crap and then the creep backed out and went back to his wife.
I don’t think OP’s a twit, I think she’s just pissed off. I know I sure as hell was pissed off when I was propositioned those three times. Not because I was being scammed, but because these asshats obviously had such a low opinion of me as to think I’d help them cheat on their wives and sleep with such scum. If you’re THAT unhappy (and these are guys that’ve been married for maybe 3 years a piece), talk to your fucking WIFE about it. Don’t send me texts at 3am going on about how badly you want me.
It’s VERY disrespectful to ask someone to help you cheat on your significant other. It says that you think they’re cheap and have no consideration for others. I would NEVER do that to another person. Ever. You don’t fuck with people’s relationships. period.
What the fuck was that about?
But she’s totally down on marriage too – “Hey guys in their late 20s/early 30s who are super proud of their shiny new life they’ve made with their shiny new wife and that shiny new baby on the way in that shiny new house and that shiny new SUV: In 15 years, that shit won’t be so shiny.” She sounds jealous and self righteous…
Married men can be pricks, it happens. But so can single guys. And married women. And single women. I think that being down on the institution of marriage was NOT the right way to go at this. She should just keep her bitching to the asshole who hit on her. Not “oh – you young happy couples think you’re so awesome to be married but you’re going to want a piece of ass like me in 15 years”.
Ugh. Makes me nauseous.
Cheating is fine, but you gotta be upfront about it, what if she’s some batshit crazy chick who’s gonna cook your kid’s bunny in a pot? Dang.
PS: just for the record — I don’t think there’s anything wrong with marriage or getting married. Hay, even though it won’t happen, I’d *like* to get married.
But, i think I’m more in for the whole “dying childless and alone” thing. And my 12 cats I’ll have will probably be all “HAY where’s our food?” after I keel over, and eat my corpse and then in like 6 or 7 months when people are all “what happened to PK?” (if they ever DO notice) no one will find me — they’ll just find a dozen cats laying around licking their chops. *sigh*
I guess it’s the way she wrote it. It doesn’t say – hey loser remember that woman that you promised to honour and be faithful too – and you started a life with and brought children into this world with – you owe it to that poor woman who believes you are her “forever & ever” the truth! – that you’re no longer pulling you weight and you no longer have those same dreams, and you are a liar and a cheater and she deserves better then the man you pretended to be to originally get her. This post is written in a pissy “other woman’s”.
There’s a lot of scandalous woman and men in this world – so we all need to take responsibility for our own actions and know that everything has consequences – and is getting laid worth losing your home and family for – “is the grass really greener on the other side?” – probably not.
Pk – I totally understand where you’re coming from and I applaud you for having that much self respect to know that you are far beyond those men. I don’t like the way OP’s telling the story – I understand she’s hurt because she was lied too – but it was by some guy she knew for all of 10 minutes – not someone who has changed her life or promised her the world.
Ralmn – I hope that I someday get the happily ever after that your parents are going to get – and I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and that there’s going to be lots of times you want to throw in the towel or kick your partners ass – but that the good will always out weight the bad in the long run.
stop fucking spelling “hey” HAY
Bite me, veloce.
mme me me me me me me me me me me *SLAM* who shut the door? Frank, where did you go? Frank? *screeeeech* (tires peeling)
Maybe that’s what really happened. If you’re lucky, by the time the mortgage is paid these douche bags learn to stop talking about themselves all day and have fun…
Sorry, I guess I should have also said that I’m not against marriage, just against it for me. It’s hard to make sure you cover everything when I’m trying to squeeze in a comment before I have to go back to work :P!
And PK, that is how I would like to go out <3.
RC – they’ve def had their ups and downs… but thankfully at this stage in their life it looks more up than down. Growing up it was more down than up, and it was hard. But seriously – to see them get through it makes me feel tougher somehow. And I’ve had my own failed marriage (at 21, go figure..), I’m never making those mistakes again. I’ll just make new ones 😀
i have to be honest, the only reason we got hitched is because we were buying property. marriage is fine but weddings…huge waste of money
Hey, I know someone who works in family law and has seen people get divorced after like 2 or 3 months of marriage.
It’s so sad 🙁
I know some people who are so desperate to get married that they jump on the first guy willing to slip a ring on their finger. They have the big fancy weddings, and before the wedding debt is paid off, divorce papers have been filed. It’s really really heartbreaking. Especially since divorces aren’t cheap, either. And if you have a complicated case that has to go to trial? *facepalm*
That’s the problem with the type of people who are into the shiny stuff–when it dims, they no longer value it, and they go looking for new shiny stuff.
2 years, 4 months, 10 days……Wedding $12,000…deposit on house $15,000…furniture for new house $9000.00….lawyer for divorce $2,500….lesson learned and child gained..priceless. I wouldn’t change a thing except the way it ended. But through all those unbearable tough times…I became the person that I am today.
Good on you RC – I feel the exact. same. way. about my mess. Made me so much stronger and sure of myself. I tease the bf, that he’s my new shiny model, but in reality he got a better, more patient, happier, confident, relaxed and mature me.
I always thought I was “against” marriage – until I met the man who would eventually become my husband.
Some people – myself included – think being married is really, really, really nice. For us it wasn’t about a label, or a lavish wedding (we had an intimate immediate family only ceremony), it was about commitment. Plain and simple.
If you think that marriage isn’t for you – great. But don’t assume that they rest of us who are happily married won’t stay that way. It makes you look bitter.
There is a reason infidelity is considered a sin. The damage it causes is horrendous. And wrong. If your marriage isn’t working at least have the parts to end it before moving on to another person. If the cheater has children, the effects on them and their development is lifelong. You are not just cheating on your spouse, you are cheating on your children too. Infidelity is such a selfish and cowardly act.
P.S. I’ve been married quite some time now, and I’m pretty sure I’ve kept all of my “shine”. Hubby has too.
🙂
I think that sometimes “lust” can be confused with “love”…. and people who think they’re in “love” are really in “lust”… and when the lust wears off (and the ‘honeymoon’ period if over) one can find themselves with someone they’ve grown tired of or someone they have little in common with. It’s easy to shrug off those little red flags when you’re OMG sooo in love. 3-4-5+ years down the road, you can’t shrug them off so easily. Our hearts are certainly not the most logical parts of our bodies.
But what the heck do I know, anyway *shrug*
Hi, this is the OP here. One part I did want to include in there after was, even if it does “strengthen” the bond between the man and his wife because he feels guilty, it doesn’t make her a lucky wife. And yes, my own experience was with a guy, and this the second time it’s happened to me. But I’m sure a lot of married women do this too.
I actually think marriage can be a really good thing, but it’s the men who actually would rather want to be single, except it’s nice to have the wife to wash his underwear and pay into that mortgage with her own earnings as well, because he obviously doesn’t appreciate her for much more than that. Oh yeah, and people at the office “family man” more than a middle-aged bachelor.
^edit: people at the office respect a “family man” more than a middle-aged bachelor
Agreed OC. Completely agreed – but – and there is a but – good people have been known to make mistakes – to come clean on their mistakes – to suffer the consequences – and to have to start over and pay for their mistakes by losing everything they had. It is a cowardly act – But “A wise man learns from other mistakes…..a fool from his own”. Sometimes people can be foolish unfortunately.
Lucky: “I’ve kept all of my “shine”. Hubby has too.”
A lot of buffing does that ; )
Precisely Kim!
Too true, RC. I made a pretty big mistake last Fall, which at the time seemed like the simplest of decisions, and while I *did* learn from it, it’s a great source of displeasure re: how things ended up turning out. I think the problem is, a lot of people base their decisions on their emotions rather than with a clear head. And some mistakes, I feel, are actually necessary to strengthen who we are as people and to open us up to new experiences. (sorry if my idealistic attitude is making everyone vomit — it’s making me a little nauseous too! lol).
I’m working on being more logical. A big change could be coming within the next month for me and while emotionally I’m not sure if I want to act on the opportunity, logically, it’s totally best in the long run. So, if it ends up happening I’m going to suck it up and take it!!!
suck it up buttercup…life i mean. you know i less than three you
Miss Pain…I don’t follow?
Survivor is dishing out marriage advice now?
which part? ❤=heart=love=<3=mouse ears=less than three=asscone
Is Pk the asscone????
You guys are great 🙂
no, i forget who came up with that gem. the zed owns the less than three but they all mean the same thing
mouse ears is my personal favourite 😀
moi aussi mon cher
the car will be shiny, if it is kept up. the relationship, on the other hand. will probly end in in either murder or divorce. the kid, probly grow up to be a crackhead, or a hooker. all in all, a normal canadian family.
this sounds like a terrible plot to a terrible indy movie. I thought i was reading the plot to american beauty for a while with roles reversed.
kevin s. does wrath, right some good
kitty, will do you one way better, girl worked at n.s. nuthouse, got married, 5 minutes after the kiss, he was screwing maid of honor in bathroom, at the fucking CHURCH yet. that marriage had to be the shortest on earth. and they lived together for about 3 years before the hitch. she later became one of those, that she looked after over there. t.p., i hope you are not a bitcher here, if you are, sorry to let that out.
and cats eating you for 12 months kitty, nah, be like maybe 6 at tops, you don’t have that much body extra there.
Sorry, I just can’t muster up much sympathy for the OB. The tone of the bitch makes me think that it’s a semi-regular occurance, and in this case it sounds like her advances were rejected by a happily married man.
Before you jump in the sack with somebody, find out what their marital status is, ask what their spouse would think. Or would that be too much effort?
http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivation…
Sadly Hugo, no. That’s really quite unfair of you. I haven’t had this happen to me in 4 years. He started flirting with me. Even down to giving me the puppy dog eyes and all. This went on for quite a while, and every day I would check for a ring, but no, I didn’t really want to ask because it was in a professional setting. When I did finally muster up the courage to say something however, I said that I didn’t want anything to do with this if he was married, but it was on the phone, and he just gave me a uh huh, I knew he was kind of flustered and was at work, so probably couldn’t say much. He wanted to meet up later on. Then 2 days later, he sits me down for a talk to tell me that he is married, and wow he’s really flattered, blah blah blah. To be honest, he may have still wanted to have an affair but I didn’t stick around long enough to hear it
While he’s enjoying his shiny new life … what will you be doing op?
MYOB.
oh and when i say he wanted to meet up later on, he didn’t mean the meeting where he dropped the bomb. he meant as a date. just to clarify.
it’s funny how people are so quick to point the finger at the woman, and not the guy who’s playing with her head in order to stroke his wilted ego.
Hey powerpuff, I’ll hopefully be enjoying my shiny new life with an eye on keeping it shiny. Which means, I’ll be enjoying my car and home, there won’t be a kid (just my preference) and the man will be someone I’ll be prepared to love even when they get a little rusty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjY_uSSncQw
It is what it is.
Infidelity is wrong.
Is it really ?
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23706832/ns/…
Maybe in your opinion its wrong, in someone else’s opinion it may not be wrong. While I’ll agree that when 2 people say they are commited to a monogamous relationship, if one of them strays IMO , they should tell their partner it has happened, if they don’t ,that is ‘wrong’.
In my personal experience, if you are unhappy in your relationship & you pretend everything is fine. That is just as bad as having an affair. Even if there is no cheating going on.
The more I learn about religious belief, the more I see association to monogamous relationships as per Religious Doctrine.
Unquestionable belief in which, for the most part I find to be wrong !
What I also find extremely wrong…& you see/hear this in the news all the time, some well know person has been caught, & a large group of people freaks out about it, individuals come out of the wood work, to demand resignations or some other form of censure & these indignant individuals, who are all sanctimonious & upset by so & so’s behaviour, are cheating themselves !
Even more wrong than that, are those who don’t have a problem with infidelity for themselves but demand fidelity from others. – what can be more wrong than that attitude ?
Two wrongs turns don’t make a right, you need three wrongs turns for that ~;p
just_me. Glad I was wrong about you. When you made it clear that you haven’t had an affair, my respect for you went up considerably.
Tell you what, I’ll make a deal with you; in the future, don’t clump me and all men together as ‘cheating shit’ & I won’t think of you as an ‘office tramp’.
My advice to anyone who cares, is to stay away from work place romances. Never, ever, date your boss or subordinate…that’s just plain fucking stupid. Someone from another department? – maybe.
More – we’re also hard wired for ‘fight or flight’, we’ve seemed to overcome that just fine. There is a genetic propensity for violence in some people, we don’t accept that as an excuse for their behiviour. So saying that we are genetically predisposed to cheat is a bulshit excuse for an affair.
Hugo …I never said it was an excuse.
I provided a link to a possible reason why it is so prevelent.
I also would disagree with the flight – fight comment on how you seem to think we have over come it !
A couple of reasons I believe the fights still on , Somalia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Syria, The Balkans, Pakistan….would you like me to continue ?
Your delusional if you believe people would rather flee !