The sign on the bus’s back door says, “To open door, wave hand HERE”. Having seen hundreds of interpretations of the instructions from my captain’s chair, I have but one question: Do you wave to other people by moving your hand up and down? Do you poke and prod your friends looking for that magic button? No! I don’t recall the Clampett clan doing any of that during their end credits. Neither should you. Wave to the door like you wave to your friends, just closer. Think Obi Wan telling the Badaimtrooper, “These are not the droids you are looking for.” With the appropriate arm movement. If that makes no sense, think of the words of the wise Mr. Miagi, “Wax on. Wax off.” If I’m still not making sense, take your arm, either one will do, start from the left (or right) and sweep your arm across the door to the other side. Then you wait for the “pssssh” sound and voila, the door opens for you and the driver retains their sanity. Sure beats punching, yelling at, bull rushing, or dry humping the door, and yes, people have tried all of the above. —Your Friendly Neighbourhood PDG
This article appears in Apr 7-13, 2011.
Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha – I love it when Littlest Hoboes turn bad >; )
How does it feel being a preliminary judge at the Darwin Awards. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – bus drivers, like police officers must encounter more examples of failed evolution in an 8 hour shift than most of us will meet in our lives.
Have a good one PDG. Thanks for the smile
Love it! Beautiful post, PDG. I still have not had the honour to have you as my driver… but I’m still on the look out!!
p.d.g., people are stupid when it comes to doing the simple things in life. opening a door on a bus is one of them. learning how to actually function in a people society is another. too many times, have i wtched idiots also walk into and thru some of those said doors. always gives me a laugh, at how dumb they look. but the award goes to the fool, trying to get door open, while the bus is stil moving. that one was priceless, and the driver had to have had a laugh, when buddy yells up front, that hey, “the doors won’t open”. duh, of course not you fucking moron, not at 20 klm’s.
I wish the doors said to “wax on, wax off” because that would be AWESOME. Great post. I am one of the people in the running for a Darwin award for waving my hand up and down instead of left and right so next time I’m getting off the bus, I’ll think of your post and hopefully have more success 😉
PDG – you’re quite amusing. And able to have other transit drivers guessing who you are!
I think you should as Ms. Patterson to please replace those stickers on the bus with a “Wax On, Wax Off” sticker. It would be most amusing!
http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/…
HAHA you are 110% fabulous, Mr. PDG! 🙂
I have a supper date after work today so I won’t be at SS to say hi, but I definitely will be there next tuesday!
Do Jazz Hands work?
Or alternatively, try to read helpful stickers featuring Weird Al that show you how to do it.
OMFG. I’m TOTALLY doing jazz hands tomorrow senor, when I get off the bus.
For fucking realz.
Miss Kitty. Try that and you’ll end up fitting in with the rest of the nut jobs on the bus. But you might get a laugh and make someone’s day.
Vogue. Strike the pose.
I’m not completely anonymous at work TBAC, the union heads and possibly a few supervisors know who I am, as does PK. I don’t draw attention to what I write here, and when I drive, I don’t say much more than hi and have a nice day/night. The inner nerd doesn’t get many chances to come out at work, and that’s when I turn from shy to extrovert.
the wax on, wax off approach has worked for me in the past.
I’m damn sure not going to wiggle those spirit fingers to get off the fucking bus….
http://vettejunkie.com/SpiritFingers.jpg
You’d think most people would be waving hands in protest to not even get on the public transit in the first place. “No No. Please don’t take me” lol
Ah. PDG. I’ll be introducing myself probably sometime soon 😉
Do you work for our benefit providers by any chance TBAC? And if so, do you bus there in the mornings?
In fairness to the up and down wavers (no, I’m not one of them), I don’t see why they’re considered stupid for doing that. I imagine these people are under the assumption that it’s the act of moving their hand that’s activating the doors, not the direction. The sign doesn’t say to wave in a specific way. I mean, when you approach an automatic door in a building, it doesn’t matter if you come at it straight on or from an angle, it’ll still open. Why would this be so specific?
It’s a stupid way to open a bus door, anyway.
PDG, no I don’t. I work at a place on Brownlow where you guys visit a lot. I also date a driver 🙂