You know how you sometimes need to go and do #2 and #1 at the same time?
You pull down your pants and get comfortable, with your bottom slightly lowered, for that perfect shit position. But here comes the problem…
Canadian toilets are so low in height compared to European toilets, that my pecker always hits the water surface that is filled with wonderful delights. Arghh
So I have two options now:
1. To find a new shit position
2. Don’t do the combo thing, only #1 or #2
Cause I don’t see Canadian toilets changing any time soon. So death to Canadian toilets! I want to take a dump without my pecker having to take the plunge. Please! —Me and my special friend
This article appears in Sep 23-29, 2010.
Whats a Toilels?
This is easily the funniest bitch in a while….
with all the low-flow toilets around, you’d have to be hung like an elk to dip in….
Well, that’s what I was thinking, zZz… interesting. I wonder if OB has a career in the adult film industry??
tripod here is in for a good time in Canada if this is his problem.
“my still flacid 11 inches always dips in the pool….
what am I to do?
I know, I’ll TELL EVERYONE….”
sad thing is, he’s not allowed to own a corvette.
I just got back from London and I can tell you those deep toilets are a major pain in the ass…. you take a nice relaxing dump and sure your pecker doesnt get wet and you dont get splashback….. but the nice shit trail down the backside of the toilet wont wash off without a double flush and even then if you had a really sticky shit, you either have to clean it out or make sure no one can identify you leaving.
Stick your dick in your ass – problem solved.
This is the sort of thing I wish I could un-read…
I could have been more eloquent: ‘take a foot and a half of your dangly bits and shove ‘her up yer amber wink with the handle of yer Swiss navy knive, lad’. Should have, could have….
i so can relate; the damn things always sticking into or out of things 🙂
There are surgeries to reduce mass. Though I think the OB is a legend in his own mind.
I don’t think Lorena Bobbit was a surgeon…
and believe me, there’s easier ways to lose a pound.
I learned something about porta toilets this summer.
They are made in the US or Canada
For some reason China hasn’t figured out everyone doesn’t shit on the ground or in a hole when they’re away from permanent structures.
Nice to know that there’ll always be at least one industry left here in North America ~;)
I’m in agreement with the OP.
Nothing worse then having a sensitive part of your anatomy in ice cold water !
Said one ice fisherman to his buddy
“Man that waters cold” says one….”Yeah & deep too “says the other !
look on the bright side pal, im sure there is a few suckers out there that are wishing their dick was long enough so that when they pee’d they didnt get their balls yet! life could be worse ahaha
Fuck. I ruined my own joke. I meant to say your lucky your dick isnt so small that when you pee you get your balls WET. sry guys
it’s otay beavis it’s funnier this way^^hey bickus dickus-strap it to your leg
what an awesome bitch. easily the funniest thing I’ve read/heard all day.
Master the art of hovering over the toilet seat. Some women have mastered this out of fear of germs on the toilet seat in public washrooms.
Doug Henning taught me to hover over a public toilet seat. My tits still got wet.
And I am jealous.
TTFN…you effin’ slay me girl!
Don’t worry OP, in a few years nature will correct the problem with your, ahem, plumbing. Once gravity drags your testicle vestibule down to your knees you’ll have a nice warm place to rest ye olde trouser trout.
Anyone know how to get out nut trail stains?
Prosolve?
Stop complaining. I have the same handicap but you don’t see me on here bitching.
I actually appreciate being able to ‘swing the lead’ when it comes to unknown waters. With the frequent power outages in this neck of the woods I have found it is a useful talent to be able to find the toilet bowl or urinal in the dark no matter how far down they are.
Sure the willy gets watered frequently, but ‘he’ likes the frequent baths and the ladies appreciate it, too.
yeah o.p., that really gets me too. but my dick usually goes down and gets stuck in the drain hole. and then i gotta spend half an hour cleaning the thing off.
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.” ~Elaine Benes
see my new avatar for a hint girls, wait, don’t run screaming.
Can’t you just hold on to it while you pee? Hold it up out of the water and then when you’re just going #2 keep it up out the bowl completely 🙂
yeah, what is with the power outages? twice the other night… in decent, non-cloudy weather…. WTF?
Drunk driver clips power pole, hurricane weakened branch finally falls, skells harvesting copper, Pentagon Black Project aimed at turning earthquakes into weapons, bored NS Power empleyees ‘avin a larf?
I have this problem too… I end up hanging onto my junk to point it in any direction but down so that I don’t hit the water, or the rim… gross! I had no idea European toilets had taken this into account!
The OP has all the women and gay men’s attention. Post a picture.
purplefire, but if a guy holds it, he then wants to play with it. in my case, that could be bad. the ponn farr continues.
No wayyy OP I hated those horrible toilets in London! Pretty much everything KillBrindi said :P! Funny though, my two guy friends were talking about sitting down while peeing because I live in an converted attic so they kept hitting their heads on my bathroom ceiling; one of them said “Well I tried that before and my junk just sits in the toilet water” and the other said “Well mine didn’t….wait….NO!” teehee. Good time.
Where the hell were you in Europe, out of curiosity? I’ve travelled quite a bit over there within the last 35 years and have not noticed any major differences in shitter construction between there and here. Unless you are referring to the {literal} ‘shit holes’ where you drop your pants, grab the bar, lean back and do your business?
Some European toilets are gross too OP…the ones I had to use in Belgium, Netherlands and Luxemburg a while back were disgusting. They were designed to save water and had this strategically placed, waterless, flat spot that left your turds sitting right there in all their fragrant glory for the rest of your session. It sure was an incentive to finish the job ASAP and hit that big round button, though. Just like you, OP, I suffer from the occasional excursion in cold waters, but I still prefer our North American water closets!
try campsites in russia…the turlets were so gross i opted to poop in the bushes^^
I was in london… and just like frenchie said…. there is a waterless spot on the back side of the crapper that your turds slide down but when you flush the water misses it. there is also an upper rim that catches some blowback if you happen to have a bad case of the “green apple splatters” every time you take a dump you doing a double flush and wipe.
It seems this is an issue that has plagued humanity in secret….
it’s finally been exposed.
Now we have to bring it to council to address…
what? large schlongs or crappy crappers…either/or strong thigh muscles are essential
I concur with OP.
My dick is so big, premature ejaculation takes 90 minutes.
Obviously no one is doing it right for you, Veeny.
I have a similar problem with the toilet at work; my dick invariably touches the edge of the rim under the seat during number two. Luckily its a single seater bathroom. I take a second to use the antibacterial soap and a wad of paper towels to clean the rim and the actual seat. Learned my lesson the hard way the first time this happened and ended up washing my dick over the sink haha
man… I’m glad I have an inny… all I have to worry about is occasionally leaving a puddle if I’m turned on. Ya’ll have to worry about a lot with that outty!
they don’t call them one-eyed trouser snakes for nowt^^
Unless your thighs are too fat, I know that you can grab your pecker from between your legs and hold it up out of the water.. since all Canadian toilets all have similar dimensions, you will find that place to hold yourself, so that you don’t go “trolling for turds”..
As for the European toilets.. there are many styles to choose from.. I had a friend who wouldn’t shit until we were in a city where he could find a North American style toilet..
That said, the “shelf shit” is definitely the stinkiest toilet I’ve ever experienced.. your poo sits on a shelf without water.. you don’t realize how much the water covers up the smell.. Not only will you likely make yourself spew at the smell of yourself, but when you flush, you must stand out of the way of the flush as fecal matter and water sprays out of the toilet.. When you push the flush mechanism, it is recommended to stand on either side of the toilet to avoid the splash..
However the worst places to poo are definitely the hole in the floor with no seat, and handles or chains to keep yourself from falling in… the GOOD ones are in a stall..
But one in Beijing was just a hole in the floor in the corner of the bathroom.. The ugliest memory for me EVER is walking into a public bathroom two blocks from the Forbidden City (across the street from Tien Amen Square)… I walked into a darkened bathroom, seeing a man holding the hand of a child.. He was in a squat position, and I could see the shit going into the hole in the floor… I didn’t wait my turn… I GOT the HELL out of there… funny I didn’t have to pee quite as badly after that…
wow… that is pretty nasty. I would NOT be ok with seeing someone elses poop either.
for the home game…
lay about 2-3 layers of tp down to act as the ‘shelf’ before pinching one off…
you’ll then appreciate the precious h2o in ways you never knew.
Or find yourself in Thailand & you shit down a holeon an angle that leads throught he back wall where pigs are snuffling & moving around !
I didn’t try any pork dishes, in that country .
OR in a small thatched hut/bar outside of Luperon in the Dominican Republic…the urnal was half a ten inch pipe on an angel out through the wall you could see it sticking through the wall from the outside… I can always find the classy spots ~:)
Papa Joe’s, Puerto Rico.
Nasty bathroom, pisser is a trench that flows outside too. I never had the guts to have a dump.
Dog-kabobs’ were a hot item, not bad.
Nothing like discussions of poo and pee to brighten one’s day. 😀
My girlfriend and sister actual like this about Canadian toilets. I have a small penis so it really doesn’t concern me.